Wish I was dead. That's it folks nothing else. I will pray for it tonight and future nights.

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  • Posted

    Hypercat has anything happened to make you feel this way? Is there anything that I can do or say. I do not want you to die!! No matter what there is a solution. Talk to us. Please. Diane
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    • Posted

      I always feel this way Adidiane but when life slaps me about even harder than usual and twice in a very short time my suicidal feelings intensify to a deeper level.  I live with them constantly and as I age there is more chance of me doing something about it.  Relax though as I haven't got the means which is probably just as well.  I would only do it with pills but my ad's aren't strong enough - I know coz I have tried with them before. 

      There is no solution I'm afraid as I cannot solve my very deep issues and counselling in the past hasn't really helped.  Anyway I have been turned down for NHS counselling.  I presume coz I am too old and unimportant to deserve any help.... younger people need it more.  I appreciate your reply and your caring. x

       

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    • Posted

      Hello Hypercat. I love that name! Wish I had taken the time to come up with something  cool!! Boy am I glad to hear from you. Like your name you have such a cool way with words just your own unique way of putting things. I cannot figure out how I missed your message it says 3 days ago. Oh well..I am so sorry that you have to struggle with depression at this level. I tend to isolate. That's where I am right now. Can I ask you some questions? One are you in the UK? I am in the US. Two what is NHS counseling? And you mentioned ads what are ads? I am also on a cancer site as my sister has been diagnosed with colon cancer and most of those people are from UK and some of the terminology is a little different but mostly the medical system seems completely differently. For instance like you can't get that counseling. Even here if you aren't wealthy you can see a private counselor or any counselor. So do you still take meds and do they help at all? You have no idea how you have made my day waking up to this message from you. Please do keep in touch. Diane

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    • Posted

      Hi Hypercat,

      You shouldn't be presuming anything. Good grief, girl, I am 80 years old and am in therapy...I sincerely and wholly doubt if you were 'turned down' because you were too old and unimportant... those are your own thoughts.

      Ask yourself this: do you really WANT the people on this site to encourage you to take your own life...what would you like for them to say? Do you want them to come up with suggestions as to how to go about it???  If you had a bit of an angry reaction to what I said, it means NO...you don't really want to ... there really is nothing 'magical' that anyone can say when we are determined to 'end it all'...but I doubt if you are, or you wouldn't have written this post. Not saying its easy,  but you need to make a real effort to TALK to someone...even your doctor and tell him/her you NEED therapy...then....you have the challenge of listening to the therapist...and at first you will probably feel resentful, like this is all bull...but if you want to feel better, you WILL listen, take suggestions and persist... People who really want to commit suicide generally say NOTHING.... and just do it. You are wanting help but you have to accept the help of professionals...

      In praying, remember "The Lord helps those who help themselves!" smile You can do it...and you KNOW you can.

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    • Posted

      This kind of reply just pushes people over the edge. What if your words make people take action instead of just thinking about it? This is a place for people to talk openly & honestly about their feelings. You don't know exactly what is going on so I suggest YOU don't presume & choose your words more carefully next time. Your reply was not helpful in my opinion & someone of your age that is suffering the same as most of us should know better.

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  • Posted

    Hypercat it doesn’t sound like it, but do you want to “talk” about what is hurting you? I have prayed for death during past dark times. I know for me it was because I felt hopeless, unlovable, and in the grip of yet another deep depression. I felt a failure somehow and even imagined that my family would be better off without me. I managed to hang on and today while I’m not doing backflips for joy, I do have some hope. I don’t know exactly how you feel but I know what it is to want to die. I do appreciate your reaching out and being so honest about where you are. I want to say that I care. I’ll be thinking of you. 
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    • Posted

      Hi Sue yes it is the same reasons for me.  It is irrelevant what has happened except that it has pushed me closer to the abyss and the black pit which will one day consume me entirely.  Probably not yet but one day I know it will.  I have been hiding my deep distress from friends and acquaintances as I am used to dealing with it on my own I guess.  I don't have anyone in real life to talk to - certainly not anyone I think could help or would even want to know.

      I only have a family of 3 sisters and 1 nephew and rarely see them.  Ok they would be upset when I died but not terribly as I am hardly a part of theirs or anyone lives.  My cat would probably miss me more. 

      I just want my natural end to come asap and I continue to pray it does.

       

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  • Posted

    Hypercat will you tell me again how to send a private message and do you mind if I send you one?
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  • Posted

    There are many worldwide Universities announcing Ketamine stops within HOURS Suicide ideation with very small doses. I'm hoping to be accepted by the University of New South Wales Aust. for Ketamine trials early next year. I'm new to this site and not computer savy but I'm willing to try and help anyone with Depression and Anxiety as I'm living with it and it's HELL. 

    What country do you live in ?

    Ketamine is said to be the biggest breakthrough in 50 years. 

    I have been Reasearching USA, UK, Canada, Australia's and NZ universities and all have similar and favourable reports with more work to be done. 

    Please research yourself

    Regards Colin, Brisbane 

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    • Posted

      Hi Hypercat, 

      Please believe me, I really care about you suffering D&A as it is shear hell, I have suffered and lost most of my financial assets because of it in the last 20 years. 

      please find the time to Google  "Ketamine trial UK" there is a lot of really good advices, particularly from Oxford university. The experts claim it rids D&A including suicidal thoughts

      in as little as 24 hours. 

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  • Posted

    Further to my earlier note about Ketamine for Depression and Anxiety please check the link below by TIME magazine ( August 2017) as there are many authorities mentioned. I like to know who's writing reports and these people are at the top in D and A research, 

    http://time.com/magazine/us/4876068/august-7th-2017-vol-190-no-6-u-s/

    Good luck to all 

    Colin, Brisbane 

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  • Posted

    Hi hypercat - whatever would we do without your input at this site? You are a piece of the furniture. The place will look all wrong without you. There are prints in the carpet where you've been standing. What will we do with those? A pale imitation to stand in your place? A cheap rug to cover them? More space to vacuum? No. This will not do. You are needed here to balance the room. RSVP.

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    • Posted

      Wayne you have made me laugh out loud at this!  I don't answer much anymore to anyone I'm afraid as I can't think of things to say nowadays.  My brain has gone fairly numb and slow and stupid of late and I just ramble away.  I have seen you and others contribute much more than me.  I didn't realise anyone on here even remembered me so am pleased that isn't true. 

      My old dad always said one day there will be an empty chair where he was and we used to laugh and tease him that he would outlive us all.  He didn't and there really is an empty chair now.  I have lost both my parents in the last 9 years and I do miss them both so much.  I wonder if you do really meet with your loved ones again in heaven (or hell).  I hope to find out soon.  I feel so alone and hopeless and don't want to hurt anymore.  I always thought it would get easier with age but it doesn't does it?  I gets harder and harder.  Is there a limit to how much pain you can take. 

       

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    • Posted

      Wayne is right! Your imput on this site has been amazing. I completely understand how you're feeling I too am waiting for death. It's not something you can just snap out of it plagues your mind until theres literally no room for any rational thoughts. As bad as you're feeling right now the fact you're still here is a testament to how strong you are without you even realising it. We're all in this together we need you here! Feel free to message me anytime x

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    • Posted

      See hypercat we notice you! See what Wayne said!  You are not just noticed you are "vital" on here! Who else understands us like we do?? You have a particular vantage point that non of the rest of us have!! I am fairly new here and I wait to here your perspective on things. I will pray for you and on that you can count. Hugs and lots of them!! Diane 

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    • Posted

      Hi hypercat - thanks for responding - I've been thinking about you all weekend. So glad you got a giggle out of that post. As for the loss of your parents, it's a life-changing thing and can be difficult if we perceive there are unresolved issues with them. I have always been curious about death and have studied Near Death Experiences for decades. It's uplifting and extremely fascinating. I have also nursed the dying.

      My summary is that death is not an end, it's a transition. There is no judgement because judgement - like heaven and hell - is a human construct. Soul is an eternal, creative energy. We interact as separate entities in this realm of duality just like in a school, learning all the way. We agree to the entities, conditions and events in our lives. We operate in soul groups - family, social, intimate etc, etc. Those who have passed have known us forever and love us no matter what. This life is not the sum of you, it's only a page in the library of you.  People always ask 'why would anyone choose a life like this?' and the answer is 'because our souls yearn to learn and nothing stretches a soul like suffering' in a physical realm of compounded learning, cause and effect, action reaction and consequence to choice. Lives like ours are also endured to teach others and are taken on out of love. When you finally get Home, reunited with all you know, the experience will exceed any joy or pleasure available in this realm. There are no words in any language to describe the euphoria. This life is not the reality.

      Of course, all I've just written could be complete rubbish. Some people switch off. Some people condemn. Some organisations reject because they rely on judgement and guilt to operate. We'll know when it happens. Meanwhile, my continuing research gives me the strength and purpose to continue living in the particular pain and learning that we in this room suffer. Now - have you been dusted today?

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