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Wishes for the New Year

Posted , 6 users are following.

krollette66
krollette66

Hi All,

Just wanted to wish everyone a really Happy New Year. I know we are at various stages in our recoveries but never give up on hope.

My life has been one long battle with depression from my early teens.

I could blame my parents for neglect and physical and verbal violence.

I could blame my ex husband for beating me so many times it appeared normal to me.

I could blame the man who date raped me in 2005 after my divorce.

Thats not to say I am not angry over my past because I really really was.

But I turned that anger inwardly on to myself for not having a backbone or standing up for myself.

Peroids of depression ,suicide attempts, and a battle with an eating disorder later .

I am at a point where I am ready to deal with my past and move forward with my life.

This time last year I had planned to take my life and this year I am planning to begin it.

You all deserve better than your getting at this moment in time but things can and do get better.

Take care of yourselves

Jo

I can only learn to deal with it and not shy away from it

 

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12 Replies

  • julie1111
    julie1111 krollette66

    Posted

    Hi krollette66 im in depression at min for same reasons, how do u find that backbone, i have s unsurportive family was also date raped and feel my family blame me, my own sis said you make choices in life you cant blame others, eh , any advice would be great, well done, julie x
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    • krollette66
      krollette66 julie1111

      Posted

      People express opinions without thinking sometimes and it can cut you like a knife when its a member of your own family.

      there is a lot of taboo about abuse no matter what form it takes.

      The same goes for mental illness there will always be someone judging you.

      I  think what you have to learn is acceptance of the incident and of yourself .

      The thing that helped me was talking to someone who has been through the same thing whether thats depression, assault, abuse, etc.

      I would prioritise whats most troubling you and deal with one thing at a time one day at a time

      Everyone deserves to be happy in life and your no different to anyone else

      Jo x

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    • krollette66
      krollette66 julie1111

      Posted

      Do what I did...accept they for whatever reason they cant be there for you. But there are people that can.

      I can signpost you to that support if your ready and if your not Thats ok too.

      Hold your head high and tell yourself you can come through it.

      You dont Let anyone come between you and your recovery x

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  • Guest
    Guest krollette66

    Posted

    Hi Jo and everyone....I felt I had to respond to this as the "black dog" just descended on me from out of the blue again,as I had a shower and thought about the "New Year"....I started thinking Oh f... another one and I am only getting older and more miserable...Am too ugly to go out,everyone thinks I am an awful person,I contribute nothing to the world,I am worthless and the song plays its rusty and well known tune over and over.Familiar to all of us!But this site has helped me see we are real survivors and I admire everyone in their inner battle...I wish the respect and admiration I feel for others could sometimes be directed towards myself sometimes!Crazy isn't it....On a good day I can recognise my positive attributes,feel attractive,kind,bright and funny blah blah blah....Anyway enough of my bleating on and on and I too,wish everyone a happy,healthy and loving 2015!Sally x x x x
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    • krollette66
      krollette66 Guest

      Posted

      Hi Sally,

      I have spent many many years blaming myself for my past  and continuing the cycle of abuse .

      I  get up sometimes and feel wretched and shut myself away other days I feel more positive and act accordingly.

      I think we have to accept our negative days are the more extreme of normal but still normal all the same.

      Last New Year I had convinced myself it would be my last...........what a difference a year makes

      Sally you play your music till your hearts content if it helps who cares what others think.

      Do whatever gets you through the night...and if your awake at midnight or not.

      I will raise a glass to you and the other forum users.

      2015 is a new year and New year for all of us

      Jo xx

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 krollette66

    Posted

    Dear krollette. You show amazing courage, well done.. I too was raped viciously, it was a friend of a friend who gave me a lift home, or so I thought.. my friend and her boyfriend did not help me ( I understood, they were terrified of him ) he bragged about it and told his makes to say they had slept with me also if I called the police.... that was 44yrs ago but I have never forgotten... I also had many traumas in my childhood, but the strength we gain makes us the people we are now...I vowed.to...Never Ever Hurt Anyone Knowingly... I had tried my very best to be that way....

    I have a wonderful brother.. twin sister...husband...THREE sons. One daughter, who is expecting a baby boy in April....

    I truly, truly wish you the happiness and peace of mind that you deserve...keep strong, you are a remarkable person... Sincere regards to you..Deirdre xxx

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    • krollette66
      krollette66 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Thank-you Dierdre for sharing your story ......As much as things change they stay the same in some ways.

      I have been so touched by the response to my post it has given me incredible strength to keep moving forward

      Our past is not our potential xx

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  • Geeee
    Geeee krollette66

    Posted

    "This time last year I planned to take my life and this year I am planning to begin it." I absolutely love that! I am very proud of you. You have been through so much but you won't give up. Keep going sweetie bc you are right it does get better we just have to let it you know? Happy new year krollette66!

    sending faith and love your way, 

    -💋 Neea

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