Work anxiety.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi, my name is Jack.

Since my teenage life I've always been anxious, I'd be terrified to the point of where I'd skip school if I had to make a presentation that day or knew I had a one to one meeting. College was the same, but not as bad as it invloved more just working on your own and course work.

Then after college I joined an entry to employment program because my family is one of those who think if you are not working your no good, so yeah they quickly got me a job working 40 hours a week pressing a button on a machine, and I hated it! I'd vomit every day before work and watch the clock ready to punch a wall for 8 hours a day.

I stayed there for 5 years to not disappoint my family, from the age of 17 to 22, until after last Christmas I just couldn't physically and mentally go back. 

So yeah, I quit and I used the money I had saved during work, because although I was working and getting money, I hardly ever spent a penny because I didn't go out at all, in fact in all my life I've had one night out...

So yeah as you can imagine after 5 years I had a bit and I lived of that for 7 months, and it was the best 7 months I can remember since being a child. My anxiety pretty much dissapeared and I reached so many life goals that I just couldn't push myself to do while at work. I lost 3 stone (42 pounds), I was excercising daily and doing other things outside of my house like going to the supermarket (yes I used to fear going), cinema, theme parks and I even went abroad, which used to scare me because of my weight, and had a great time! I was a new person! It felt good when people said I was looking healthy and that it was good to have the old Jack back.

After that 7 months I signed on to Universal Credit which gives you a small, but helpful amount of money each month if you do your 35 hours of job search a week and you can prove your activily looking for work.

I've been with them since and so far I have done various voluntary work in charity shops etc but I still felt great! I was doing all the things I was doing before that made me feel human.

But recently I got offered a job in the supermarket Sainsbury's and I was really excited becasue my new way of life involved no fear, I wasn't fearing the interview and even the group activities during induction I enjoyed, which if you told me I would be standing in front of strangers and speaking confidintly a year ago I would have laughed at you. And yeah, I got offered the job!

Then the actual job started... and I already feel myself falling back into what I was over a year ago. I'm up all night dreading the next day, I watch the clock all day and go home, eat fast food and then lay in bed looking at the ceiling wanting to scream. I've stopped going swimming and I'm back to using the bus instead of walking everywhere... also I used to get daily headaches when working those 5 years, and yup, guess what, they are back...

I really don't want to go back to how I was! But then at the same time I feel like if I quit I'm gonna feel like and appear to others as being some kind of lazy loser... which I'm not! I honestly help everybody out, like I'll spend all day cleaning someones garage roof or fixing their computer free of charge and I don't mind... I just think it's the fact that hours of my time now belong to a company bothers me and I hate it and the fact that even money is not a pulling point for me, like I care very little for the stuff.

It's just annoying because I feel like I'm the one in the wrong, I feel bad for feeling this way when other people would love to have my job, which makes me want to quit more so someone who appreciates it could maybe have it... I just don't know anymore... I just really hate routine and it fills my head with severe anxiety. 

Sorry for spelling mistakes, it's cold in this room and I can't feel my hands D:

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Jack My advice ,without any hesitation, is quit now.Anxiety depression is a very serious illness Don't let it develop!  Get out now.If your work was causing you Physical harm you wouldnt hesitate to quit.Well i think anxiety is worse than physical illness and i've dealt with both.Its harder to cure for starters Live your life with joy Ignore everybody else Do what makes you healthy but please dont stay in a miserable job that makes you so ill Good luck
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply! I'm gonna go in tomorrow and see how it goes, but I'm pretty much set on the fact I won't be able to stay there much lonher... and I think I'm at the point were I need to be thinking about seeing a professional about it...

      One of main anxietys though is what people think about me which I know is stupid and I'm terrified of that with quitting...

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    • Posted

      Hi Jack  Dont for one second think about what people think of you.This is your life and your health. They do not look out of your eyes or feel your emotions  See a therapist by all means but use your positive thoughts and google to find some answers.You fixed yourself before Do it again and stay fixed! 
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  • Posted

    Hi there Jack, as the others have said don't give one jot about how others perceive you, you have an illness and if diagnosed properly could possibly benefit from disability living allowance, however you do need some meds to help you and therapy to get to the bottom of this and hopefully give you the choices you want.

    Gave you thought of self employment? Your not answerable to anyone else other than yourself and your time is still yours, you also keep the profits! May be think about what you could to to earn enough to live on, set up an ebay shop.

    Your local authority will have plenty advisors, business loans at low interest, and opportunities to get a doke trader business off the ground and sustainable.

    Your mantra could be "Why work for someone else when you can make your own job up", just a thought?

    Neil 

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the words Niel! 

    Just to let you guys know, I called in and quit this morning! I'm looking forward to spending the weekend watching the XFactor final and watching the football! Two things I would have missed this weekend! 

    It already feels like a great weight has been lifted and from now I'm only going to do things that I'm interested in, and I do want to work, like don't get me wrong! I know work can be of great benefit to someone but I want it to be doing something I enjoy! And not for a bug compamy that cares little for me, maybe a small company. 

    I'm also thinking about maybe joining a college course to do something I'm interested in and learn more about it because I love to learn! Also, I'm still going to think about seeing a specialist just to talk about where all this anxiety could stem from!

    Thank you guys for your support! 

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  • Posted

    Hey Jack, I had a Job at B&Q, and I wasn't so scared or nervous, but I left there and now I'm starting a new job on Monday and I'm prerified. I'm kind of like you in the sense that I don't go out out, I've been out twice and I save my money like you too.

    My advise would be to stay and just go with it. You have the job, you'll learn and hopefully adapt!

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  • Posted

    Quit. Don't do something for the sake of other people. Mental health is imporimportant and it can't be ruined by things like employment. You need to find what's right for you. Have you thought about anything outdoors based? Supermarkets are quite negative environments to work- not much natural light, constant beeping of scanning machines and crowds. Crowds is the biggest trigger for me. 
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