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Worried ALL the time

Posted , 4 users are following.

Wendl
Wendl

I had an ultrasound today and although it shows nothing wrong,I cannot accept that I do not have something that has not been diagnosed.I am my own worst enemy because not a day goes by when I do not think that I have a terminal illness.I feel just as bad this evening as I did before I had the test.

I know that I look ill because I am very pale and very thin.I get too scared to look at myself because I feel as though I am disintegrating.I am unable to enjoy anything at all because I imagine that each day will be my last,so I hardly go anywhere any more for fear of collapsing.Most people on this site are much younger than me and seem to have family around.

It does not help that I am totally alone,and just very scared that I will never feel better.

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • Hollymayshipton
    Hollymayshipton Wendl

    Posted

    Please don't feel alone, everyone on here understands how you feel! After going through a rough break up I was alone and depressed and then my anxiety came on. I found comfort on here as I found people would listen to me and give me advice and I didn't feel so lonely any more. It is horrible but I do think keeping yourself occupied helps, and I forced myself to get out of the house more and do more things even if it was going to the library to read or seeing a friend. I too had an ultrasound on my tummy but I'm still convinced there's something wrong. May I ask why you feel you are alone? Xx
    • Wendl
      Wendl Hollymayshipton

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply.

      It is not the feeling of being alone,I AM alone,as I do not have any family around at all and  I am constantly worried that something will happen to me and that there will be no one to help.My good friends are sadly no longer around and I do not know enough people in my area who I consider friends,and I just do not feel well enough to go out and about.

    • Hollymayshipton
      Hollymayshipton Wendl

      Posted

      Oh I understand now and I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm sure you are feeling so poorly because you aren't managing to express your feelings to anyone so all you can do is sit and worry which can make your body act out what you are thinking. That's what my doc told me anyway. Have you explained all of this to your GP? Not just the physical symptoms but the worrying etc? I was scared at first but once I got it all out I felt much better and maybe they can point you in the right direction of how you can start feeling less isolated too ? Xx
    • Wendl
      Wendl Hollymayshipton

      Posted

      I have a number of doctors who are aware of how I feel.The problem is that I do not really look particularly ill although I am too thin and very pale,so I think they assume I am being over dramatic.The truth is ,I am just very scared of being alone as I am not young.

      Thank you SO much for your replies.x

    • Hollymayshipton
      Hollymayshipton Wendl

      Posted

      Okay well I'm really sorry for your situation, I can imagine it's not very nice but at least you have taken the step to reach out on here, the people are very friendly and always willing to chat. Is there anything that you still enjoy doing hobby wise or have you thought about joining any groups like coffee mornings or events in your local area? I hope you don't think I'm patronising by saying that age concern may be able to help too? Maybe have a look on their website and see what ways they can help you feel better? If I could come round and chat with you I would ! 
  • catherine23104
    catherine23104 Wendl

    Posted

    Hi, i'm sorry you feel so bad.  I'm 42 and on my own with my son who is 7.  I feel totally alone even with people around me. I get myself in a state regularly about some terminal illness.  I have thought i need to try and join a group or something just to get to see some other people.  I know its hard when you are frightened,  i'm going to see what groups are around my area as close as possible!! Talking with other people can sometimes take your mind off yourself.  Or even volunteering to help other people who are lonely.  It sounds like you are probably depressed too.  I have bad health anxiety at the moment but am too scared to take medication but maybe this could help you?  I was actually paying for a counsellor a bit ago as it is a 5 months waiting list with my GP but stopped seeing her, partly because i couldn't afford it but also because I think we realised i was paying her to be my friend! Loneliness is a terrible thing - hope you can maybe try and find a local place to get together with people. xx  
    • Wendl
      Wendl catherine23104

      Posted

      I do belong to the local club which has a number of social activities,but in the TWELVE years that I have lived here I have not managed to have a network of friends.I gave acquaintances and people in the village know me to say 'hello',but that is it.

      i really belong in London and would like to move back!but it has become prohibitive to find anything.Can not get used to living alone,with the knowledge that I have no family around.

      i had a dog until he died 18 months ago but the management here has changed and pets are no longer allowed.I only came here on the condition that my dog was allowed so I am now in dispute with the management here.

      i am against taking medication,as my mother took pills for as long as I can remember,but the outcome was that in the end she took an overdose.Consequently I do  not want pills around me.

      Many many thanks for your message.x

    • catherine23104
      catherine23104 Wendl

      Posted

      I understand your fear of medication.  I feel the same - my friend works in an alternative therapy shop and has suggested quite a few things to lift mood - LTheonine and Lemon Balm (not took yet as they are quite large!) and various other things.  Still even scared of this at the moment! Some good reviews.  I'm off to bed now.  Dark nights don't help.  When i was scared of the same thing happening to me as my mum (she died of stomach cancer aged 50), a counsellor once said that i was me and not my mum. I will maybe consider medication after xmas - i would like to live a life at some point!!! Take care. xx
  • Hollymayshipton
    Hollymayshipton Wendl

    Posted

    Hi WendI, how are you feeling today? Xx
    • Wendl
      Wendl Hollymayshipton

      Posted

      Thank you for asking.

      I am trying to resolve problems that seem impossible,while at the same time trying to believe that I am not as ill as I feel.I went out for about 45 minutes this afternoon and I have to go out for something to eat as I do not have anything at home that I want to cook.

      I was hoping to go to the local theatre this evening,but the thought of going alone AGAIN is just not appealing and I lose any enthusiasm,so I end up at home in bed,where I feel safest and hate myself for having allowed myself to get into this state.

      I am against taking medication because sadly my mother was on anti depressants for as long as I can remember.They did not work,and in the end she took an overdose 15 years ago.I do not want pills around me because of this.

    • Hollymayshipton
      Hollymayshipton Wendl

      Posted

      At least you have got out of the house for a bit today and are positively trying to change things smile I haven't got much to do tonight either, just watching telly. Is there anything you like to watch ? Xx
    • Wendl
      Wendl Hollymayshipton

      Posted

      I am a television holic,because it distracts me from thinking I am ill.

      i watch anything to do with animals( Attenborough,Paul  O'Grady The Supervet )and anything to do with art,auctions horseracing and DOWNTON!

      I can always find something,and I subscribe to Netflix.What about you?

      i keep the TV on most of the time in the daytime or the radio ,

      as I find it too quiet by myself,and since my dog died it really is too quiet here.Dont know what Ibwould do without TV.I should read more than I do.

    • Hollymayshipton
      Hollymayshipton Wendl

      Posted

      Me too! I love getting into a TV show to distract me from my anxiety smile I also love Paul O Grady and Downton! For the love of Dogs is my favourite and I've got the box set of Downton so I was watching the first few series the other day smile hopefully you can sort something out and maybe you will be able to get another pet. What kind of dog did you have? Xx
    • Wendl
      Wendl Hollymayshipton

      Posted

      I always had Poodles.A chocolate Standard when I was a child,and after my husband died ,a chocolate miniature for thirteen years and then I rescued a 7yr chocolate miniature (Charlie Brown)who died last year.So from 1992 until last year I had the company and the responsibility of a dog which I desperately miss.

      Last episode of a Downton on Sunday and then a big one at Xmas!x

    • Hollymayshipton
      Hollymayshipton Wendl

      Posted

      Poodles are nice, I've got a liver spot Dalmatian at the moment and she's only three so she's full of beans ! I had a collie cross before that for 18 years but he died recently and I miss him loads sad 

      I need to catch up on Downton as I missed the last episode! Xx

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