Worried mom

I just went through this with my mother.  I got my test results back and they were negative but my mother was there for me in a way she never had before. She just kept telling me to keep my faith and trust in the lords plans.  Idk if your religious it when I did that I felt a peace like he was there in front of me telling me he is taking care of me. She will be fine it may not be the way she wants it but god has something amazing in store for her. Tell her to make her faith bigger than her fears 

Wow, I just wanted to come on here and say I can relate to your daughter so much and I know how much of hard time she’s going through. I’m in the same boat. 20 years old and a college student myself, in my third year, studying to become a registered nurse and nurse practitioner in the future, so I want you to show her this and let her know that she’s never alone. As for her test results, I would suggest talking to her about perhaps getting tested again because that is odd. And actually, it’s not seen as a big deal at ALL to the medical community so they’re the least concerned about herpes or what type, because genital herpes is herpes all the same. BUT she should definitely go elsewhere to get tested. I just got diagnosed a month ago and I’m still struggling but trying to learn as much as I can. So far, I know that herpes type 1 can be transmitted oral to genital, and I know that if she’s ever gotten cold sores before in her life that it can sometimes lead to herpes type 2 being a false positive. She should definitely follow up. I’m still in the process of finding a doctor to understand that although it’s not a big deal physically, it is emotionally and there’s such a nasty stigma to it. Depression occurs too, and there’s also such a nasty stigma to that. Tell your daughter I never slept around either. I’ve slept with 3 people my entire 20 years of life. The fault is not in us. Herpes does not automatically make her promiscuous or anything of that sort because I have it too and I’ve never been big about one night stands and never understood how people can have sex with people they don’t know nor care about. I don’t judge either way. You did the right thing as a parent. You gave her dire sexual information which I wish my parents would have gave me. I basically got told “hey, sex is bad, and pregnancy is bad too.” I learned for myself what stds were and tried to be careful and still ended up with this disease. Everything aside, your daughter will be able to date. So many people don’t actually care and don’t see it as a big deal and plenty of people still have amazing sex lives so I’ve heard. I can’t vouch for that yet because the wounds are still fresh and I still have to learn how to love and take care of myself and realize that it doesn’t make me an unfit person.  So tell her to start with that first. I still break down about it, cry and scream and say why me because i don’t deserve it. Plenty of other people don’t deserve it either but we do what we can and come to grips with the fact that life is too short to let a silly skin condition steal our joy. That’s what I’m trying to realize. And I’m sure one day I’ll be happy and find someone who doesn’t care much and I’m sure she will too. 

I don’t believe there’s a cure for anything and I don’t like getting people’s hopes up but I have heard that oregano oil and black seed oil can result in never having a stupid outbreak again. I have hsv2 and I take L-lysine 1000mg, 3 times a day. 1000 mg of vitamin C. I haven’t had an outbreak since then, and I hope it’s not too soon to say that this is what works for me. I’ve also heard of people starting on suppressive therapy (valacyclovir, famciclovir, acyclovir) as soon as they learn they have the disease and never having another outbreak again. But do your research and understand that the virus can ‘shed’ and still be transmitted even when said person feels no symptoms. If she wants to date again, I know that honestly is a big part of it. Her dating nor sex life is over. College does not have to be traumatizing for her. She can still have fun as long as she’s honest with all potential partners and gives them the right to make their own choices. Condoms help greatly but they don’t COMPLETELY eliminate the chances of catching the virus. That’s where daily suppressive therapy can help if she finds someone she really cares about and wants to prevent them from getting this disease. Again, I can’t say it’s completely not able to be transmitted but very , very unlikely. It’s an annoying skin condition. So is eczema. It’s gonna be hard, but she’s got people like you around to support her. 

And as for you, thank you for being such a great parent and not judging and scouring the web to get advice and information and taking steps in learning how to make your daughter feel better. We need more parents like you. You’re doing a great job already and she will appreciate that for the rest of her life. America in general needs better sex education because other parts of the world see herpes just as common as the flu or cold or any other ailment. Continue to be there for her. And I hope that I was able to help. All I’ve wanted to do since I found out was help others so they wouldn’t feel half as bad as I feel or sometimes do feel. But the more I can get information out there that’s hopefully helpful, the more comfortable I feel knowing I have this and knowing I’m not alone in this. I just want to say I appreciate you also and admire you so much for being so understanding and supportive towards your daughter. It warms my heart and I just know she will be able to grown from this, as will your relationship with her. I haven’t tried out all of these tips myself, I’m not even on an antiviral but anything is worth a shot. Wishing the best of luck to you and your daughter and I hope she will realize that there are people out there just like her and going through what she’s going through. Same age and all. Even in college. Let her know we will survive. 

Hello,

I have a few simple comments..

Never be judgemental. Encourage her to spend time with people who dont judge as well. Some People are ultra ignorant about the topic and make others feel ashamed because of fear. 

Empower her to have as much self confidence as possible! Self esteem and cofidence is the ultimate thing that is going to help her!

empower her to be assertive when engaging in intimacy. She should always disclose to her partner before engaging in risky sexual behaviour (oral sex, intercourse). not disclosing before engaging sexually feels worse than getting the original diagnosis. I know from personal experience, and I would never wish that feeling upon anyone.

Educate yourselves, read this: https://westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf 

She will be fine 🙂 there are lots of rational people out there who dont get freaked out.

Hello Wanteducated

Are you and your daughter in the UK? The standard NHS blood test doesn't distinguish between HSV1 and HSV2. The best way to find out which type it is is to atttend the clinic as soon as possible when an outbreak starts and get the area swabbed. It's worth the effort to do this as knowing what type she has can inform future decisions.

Sounds like you are doing the right things in providing emotional support

Good luck to both of you