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So I thought that I would chart my days on Citalopram...both as a way to cope with having to be on them (at this moment in time, I'm just angry about that fact) and also to show what side effects I am experiencing from them...and any benefits/negatives that I can see throughout the journey.
I was prescribed 10mg Citalopram yesterday by my Doctor, after a couple of years of trying to "do it alone"...albeit with a brief period on Sertraline which ended in me collapsing after suffering from Serotonin Syndrome and having to come off them pretty quick. I am not (yet) comfortable with taking tablets....not only because of what happened on the Sertraline but also because I don't like the thought of being numbed to everything. I've fought for a long time now to stay off them and at this point in time, I feel like a complete and utter failure...unable to sort my own head out without the marvels of modern medicine. I know that a lot of you out there will disagree with me...may even be offended. But this is how I feel...I'm hoping to be proven wrong. Perhaps it's the deep depression that I feel that makes me think like this? Who knows. But I've had to admit defeat, bite the bullet and accept the prescription.
I spent a long time on my old friend Google last night, deciding whether to take the first tablet then (and possibly die in my sleep...yes...this is really what I was panicking about) or whether to wait till this morning so that if anything DID happen, I'd be around people. I decided to wait till this morning....unsurprisingly! I've spoken with a colleague and friend at work who has promised to "keep an eye on me" in case I become manic like I did on the Sertraline - not something I noticed at the time until AFTER the collapse.
So at 9am this morning, I took the first of what could be many. So far...well, my head is fuzzy already and there's some weird niggling headache developing behind my left eye. Feel like I keep forgetting to breath (!) but I think that's more the panic of having taken the first one...no going back now I suppose, which terrifies me.
It's only a couple of hours since taking it so I guess I'll have more of an update tomorrow. Sorry if my thoughts on tablets has offended anyone...but they are my thoughts and I have to be true to myself.
Hope you all have a calm and happy day.
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