Xxx

Posted , 7 users are following.

Act like nothing phases me but it really does

Act like I don't care but I just want to be loved

Act like I'm ok, keep putting a front on

But truth is I just don't feel like I belong

Feel like an outsider no matter who I'm with

To just feel a part of something, anything I'd give !

But now it's just too much for me now it's just too late

This world is just so horrible, myself I just hate!

So guess this is my goodbye I'm sorry to have to say

But these feelings and emotions just aren't going away

No matter how hard I try, no matter who I ask for help

I'm always going to be alone, I'm always by myself ??

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  • Posted

    Your not alone, dondon. I'm with you.I feel the same as you, I just don't know what to do. A Dr. messed me up years ago and I have dealt with depression ever siince. So you see, you are not alone. Others are suffering, too. !!!   Steve

     

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  • Posted

    Hi, dondons - You're very creative, putting your feelings into a poem like that.  I'm really sorry you are feeling so down and alone.  While everyone's misery and depression may be unique, the feelings of self-dislike and self-hatred, being totally cut off and misunderstood by others, trying to act OK to the outside world and being NOT ok on the inside are things many, many people feel. I felt that way for years.   I believe it is possible to work your way to a much better state -- I think so because I have done it.  Your negative thoughts and feelings and self-hatred and NOT a normal state.  You were not born that way.  Things happened to you and you became depressed.  For me, I had to talk to psychiatrists for quite a while to get out of my system, and get help to understand, the childhood neglect and extreme abuse I experienced.  I worked  many weeks with Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy.  The trick with CBT is that you have to do the work - when something happens, ("Marcia didn't speak to me"wink write down what you're thinking ("she hates me"wink then challenge those thoughts.  What is the evidence? There are ten basic types of dysfunctional thinking.  Aren't you assuming - fortune telling - you know what she's thinking without even a conversation with her?  What's your evidence she hates you?  and so on.  In the beginning of CBT I probably filled out 20 sheets a day.  They take time.  It's best if you can stop and do a sheet right after something happens - so yes, they interrupt your day.  But after a lot of this kind of work,  I got better.  My thinking started to not be so negative all the time. I started noticing that there were positive things in the world and in me.  I had to keep working with my doctor using CBT and other techniques for my issues, but CBT is what turned me around and  put me well on the road to recovery.  There are things that will help you.  But you've got to go get them and work them, even when you don't feel like it.  The negative is the depression talking.  You are not supposed to be depressed.  Take a step, and join a therapy group and see a doctor and work to get the real, rational you.

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    • Posted

      dondons, you are much bigger than the problems that you deal with. You have to tell your problems that they can't beat you. YOU are the boss, and YOU are in control. I battle depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and other issues every single day, but I tell my issues that they are a liar and that they cannot control me.

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    • Posted

      Hey there, I know exactly how you feel, even though I don't know you and you don't know me, we have a lot in common! I have gotten to the point where sometimes I don't even feel like my kids can keep me anchored here. But this week I have really been trying to think of something different that I've never thought about before. What if what I've been through and the suffering and pain have been put upon me for the sole reason that I might be able to relate to you? Or you to me? Please know that even though you don't feel like anyone would care and that the fight isn't worth it, that you sticking with it can inspire someone else, like me, to keep fighting and to try to use my story to inspire or help someone else. I don't know you but if you give up and call it quits, it will be heart breaking to even a stranger like me! We can stay in the fight and inspire each other to make it through another day. Please, please know that your story can help someone out there. Your life is precious and you are here for a reason! Please don't give in

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  • Posted

    But you ARE taking it, dondons.  It doesn't feel good but think how strong you are to get up every day and live with this awful stuff!  It takes an immensely strong person.  Already I know you are creative and strong -- great qualities to have!  And you can't have tried -- really tried and worked at - EVERYTHING or you would be feeling better.  Think of your down mood as a cancer = and it's pulling you down, making you feel like you can't take it any more.  Attack the cancer, not yourself!

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    • Posted

      dondons,

        I don't know if you are still with us, but I am hoping that in some way you will find peace and contentment in the hands of our LORD Jesus Christ. Please find happiness with him and follow him on your journey through this world or the next. He will always be with you. GOD BLESS you, my dear.

        Steve

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    • Posted

      I have every respect for your faith, Steve, but why did he let Dondons get into such a desperate state in  the first place????

      Where was he when terrible things happened to bring her to the decision she was making?

      Sorry.

      Pat.

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    • Posted

      I don't know, Pat. I only know that I am exactly in the same state as dondons is. The only fear that keeps me from doing it is fear of the unknown. I wonder why God can be so cruel as to let our living bodies suffer so much through this life and only hope that if there is a world beyond this one, that poor dondons can finally find the peace and happiness that she ( and all of us who suffer depression ) so richly deserve that we can't find in this current world of ours in which we live. It seems so unfair, doesn't it? I have the same feelings as you, Pat and I can't understand why GOD lets these things happen to people. Maybe there is an answer in the afterlife !!  No need to be sorry. I relate to what you are saying.      Steve

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind and understanding reply, Steve. These things bother me a lot.

      I was hoping we would hear from Dondons, it's terrible not knowing  if she went through with it or if she decided to struggle on.

      Thank you again.

      Pat xx

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    • Posted

      Hi patricia,

         I have a funny feeling that dondons is no longer with us. I was trying to talk to her because I and you and others know how she felt. The feeling of aloneness is terrible, patricia.

        My uncle committed suicide in 1975. I have many fond memeories of him. Robin Williams, likewise. All of us know the joy that he brought into the world. So you see, these are not bad people. I could tell that this girl crying out for help needed someone to talk to. Thank God there are people like you and I that are out there who care enough to try and reach out and touch this person. I know I have needed it many times; so I tryed to reach out and help dondons as I know she would have done for me. I don't know where she is right now, but if she is with us, I know she will communicate later on. I just know that even if suicide does occur, there has to be a wonderful existence beyond here. Witness all the terrible things that are happening in the world today with all the violence in all parts of the world. There has to be a better world than this, I'm sorry thats just the way I feel. My uncle was a good man and I know that now he is happy. The same for beloved comedian Robin Williams. They are in paradise if indeed it does exist. It certainly is not in this world which mankind has made for himself. Hopefully my feelings will change but when i look around me and see what is happening in the world is it any wonder people are so depressed. I Do hope that dondons is alright. If she wants to she will open up to us sooner or later, patricia. Meanwhile may i say to you God Bless You, my dear and thank you for caring enough for another human beings life. We find so little of that in the world we live in today.!

        Steve

        

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