Yet another University student has died
Posted , 3 users are following.
Everyday I dread reading the news as it always contains stories of desperately unhappy students taking their own lives. I am not a student just the mother of one in her 2nd year and the thought of her not wanting to live or someone deciding she doesn't have the right to live is causing me great anxiety.
If you are a student at University or contemplating going to Uni, the road ahead is not any easy one, it is hard, uncomfortable, lonely, full of sadness and lots and lots of fun. Many students have never been away from home, let alone cooked, washed and looked after themselves, budgeting and food buying is a learned skill not one that is automatic and you will make many mistakes before you get it right.
So on day 1 you enter the halls or shared accommodation and are expected to be best buddies, trust me you wont be, nor should you expect to be, you don't know them, they don't know you, but you soon will and you may not like each other, you may become immediate best friends, chances are within the first term you will have fallen out with each, spent the second feeling lonely and depressed and by the third have a whole new set of friends who are like minded. This is the experience my daughter had. Now in her second year she has one or two true friends and lots of acquaintances whom she will meet at lectures or at a bar or sports event.
Not everyone likes to drink, take drugs or go clubbing all night, every night and to be honest those that do either fall by the wayside or learn that if they don't want to waste their life and end up with massive debt and a bum degree they soon learn to calm it. Also a lot do it out of nervousness at not wanting to be seen as boring and because it is expected. It's not.
So you are lonely, you are shy, can't make friends, there are a million of you out there all waiting for someone to say "Hi" how hard can it be say that little word, probably excruciating for some you, but trust me once that word comes out and someone smiles at you the world will be a better place. Don't go up to the most popular full on student and try this as it wont work and why would you want to anyway, make friends with someone like you. Also know that every single university has groups where people who are lonely can meet. Take that first step and life will be a better place, join clubs, sports groups, poetry classes anything.
If on the other hand you are the full on student who everyone wants to get drunk with but it is causing you unhappiness because you aren't really like that, be brave and say you want to slow down, it may be in a lot of cases you are around people who can afford more than you and you are struggling to keep up, then don't, walk away and you will probably find at least one or two of the group follow you, keeping up with the rich and confident kids is not the best way.
I hope reading this has helped someone, believe in yourself, you got the grades to get to Uni, if its what you want stay, if not leave, I am telling you now that your parents would rather you give up, no matter how pushy than be the parent getting that late night call.
And by the way, I am a 60 year old lady, never been to Uni, am just sick of reading about sad, lonely unhappy young adults dying unnecessarily and if this post can help just one person feel better about themselves then my work is done. Take care there is a whole world out there waiting for you.
1 like, 6 replies
DaveC16 youngatheart1
Posted
Lovely letter and you explained yourself really well.
I can understand y our worries and feel for you.
Let hope your child is one of the lucky? clever ones who can see the problems and hopefully avoid them. If she has the right friends at UNI then if she is half as sensible as you are SHE WILL BE ok?.
What is she studying? Obviously some subject are more difficult and technical that others.
I guess it all depends on how much they want the Degree that are going for. If its got an aim to it it will in most cases be OK.
I sincerely hope so for you and for your child.
Just think how proud yo will be when they Graduate.
Hope this has given you some hope .
Me ?? I am an Old Man 78 , but I still get depressed, Don
t we all? Life at times just lately doesn'tt seem worth living.This even though I have a wonderful wife of 50 plus years.
Only reason I haven't` ended it is because I need to look after her.
Thats what I promised on our wedding day. And a promise is a promise.
She ias Spanish , my Wife and Thus I need to be there for her.
Wec have no children, so it just has to be me.
Never mind she is worth it every time.
Best wishes to you and yours
Davi Collins
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youngatheart1 DaveC16
Posted
Thanks for a lovely reply, did wonder when why it had been moderated. Yes I think she will be fine, like me very level headed. Studying law so a hard degree and lots of reading which she loves. It's funny but you don't come across as depressed, I am not either just anxious I suppose, having had a child late in life you worry for them about how much longer you have as she recently said to me "you lived longer than you have to live" charming! It's getting old that I hate as I so much to live for. I love life, I speak to anyone and everyone even if they ignore me which a lot do. But as I said in my post to the young ones a smile is all it takes to brighten someone's day, a cliche maybe but I truly believe that no one really wants to die just haven't found a way to embrace life. Take care and hope you find what helps you feel better about things.
DaveC16 youngatheart1
Posted
Oh they have to check them over, There are so many "funny" people that post things on thee websites as I am sure we are all aware.
But yes I can often see why others are worrying but cant seem to help myself. We, my wife and I were never blessed with children (Great Pity) But I love to see happy families.
Depression Is funny, it affects different people in so many different ways.
Me its usually Total despair, Cant cope feeling. This when I look back is totally stupid. I used to be so confident, It was unbelievable. Ended up as a Sales and Marketing Manager, You cant be depressed doing that. Probably some of it is just down to being Old.
Like you said . Although I am Old I still feel there is yet so much left to do.
Just don`t have the get up and go to do it now, nor indeed the willpower.
Have constant pain due to back injury which they tell me that cant cure.
That believe me is depressing and more so when you are depressed to start with. Me? I feel your Daughter will do well. Yes she is young and still has many mistakes to make. But learning from our mistakes is what makes us better and stronger. She is obviously very strong going in for a Law Degree. Personally I wish her well. She is obviously a worker not like so many today. Just think a little and support her. Yes she will need support. Dont we all at some time or other.
As for me? some times the idea of ending it all sounds wonderful.
The only thing that stops me is my Wonderful Wife. She is Spanish and we have been married for 52 years this year. Her education in Spain was terrible. So I have to do everything for her. How could I possibly leave her to cope on her own. We have no Family over here in the UK. Yes it would be easy for me to end it all. But we all have responsibilities and must live up to them,.. If I sound sorry for myself, then I guess I am. Nothing wrong with that.. BUT it doesn't change anything does it? Just t o go to sleep and never wake up. No more problems all done and dusted. Just in case you hadn't noticed I am not a believer. Don't make any sense to me. But for them that believe? Good luck to them. If it makes tam happy who am I to stop them . Just take every day as it comes and please Try to find something good each day, No matter what it is or how small.
If this gives you hope or helps in anyway than I have done so good today.
Fondest good wishes to you and yours.
Dave
richard56310 youngatheart1
Posted
ye I hated university, should never have gone, but at least got kicked out after year 1. Definitely not for everyone
youngatheart1 richard56310
Posted
No it's not but so many of our youngsters feel it is expected and feel a failure when they don't enjoy it. It's hyped up to be the best time of your life, but it's not for a lot of people. I also think that so many decent jobs rely on having a degree which is added pressure to an already depressed person. Breaks my heart to think of the youngsters out there sitting alone and upset, wish I could do more
DaveC16 youngatheart1
Posted
Yes you are right it the Pressure that gets to people.
Me? dint have that when I was young.
I done an apprenticeship with British Rail in** Swindon,** as a Fitter, Turner and Locomotive Erector. Good trade and stood me well in all my working years.
No thought of UNi in those days.
Did it hold me back? We what do you think?
You have to drive yourself, and drive yourself hard.
Biggest depressing thing for me is all my Old Mates and friends dying off.
Now that really is depressing. Lost so many over the last 12 months.
Guess it was a **"Black Dog " **year for me.
Your daughter must work hard but also enjoy herself. All work and no play etc is very true. So it the other Old Saying. "Moderation in all things"
Hope this helps in some small way
Warmest
Dave
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