Boyfriend's son is 18 and starving himself. What do we do?
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He has all kinds of problems from self-harm to over dosing and now is refusing to eat because he doesn't want to get fat. He stopped going to counseling and stopped taking his anti-depressant. No amount of coaxing him seems to work. He has recently been complaining of lack of strength and vomiting when he tries to eat now. Do I just let him crash to get the help he needs? Any suggestions?
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katlouise1989 sheri1972
Posted
Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear about these struggles. It is really tricky, especially as he has turned 18, but there are things you can do. I can't pretend to be an expert - as my experience is related to suffering myself, rather than as a carer, however I would really recommend giving Beat (the UK's eating disorder charity) a call. They have free Helplines (phone, online chat, support groups - including for carers) and all these services are for anyone, not just sufferers. There's also quite a bit of information on their website about caring for someone with an eating disorder.
I would also have recommended Men Get Eating Disorder Too, but unfortunately they are not operating at present due to a serious legal issue involving their founder and (now former) CEO.
Beat will be able to offer more than I can, but the main things to consider are things like listening to him. Ask him how he is, if there is anything which has caused him to feel like this. Focus on feelings rather than food. Continue to be compassionate and provide him with information (like the Helpline details) so he is informed and can make his own decision.
Access to services is a postcode lottery, especially when you become an adult, but you may actually find it easier to get him into services if he has co-morbidities (multiple mental health conditions) as you've described above. You mentioned he had taken overdoses previously, has he ever been seen by any specialists as a result of this?
I appreciate that as an 18 year old, you can't force him into treatment, but if you feel that his mental health issues are a risk to his life, he can be sectioned. Quite often, the threat of sectioning makes patients choose help voluntarily.
Sorry I can't be of more help, but I hope you at least find some of the above useful.
sheri1972 katlouise1989
Posted
Unfortunately yes he has been seen and treated by numerous professionals since his first attempted suicide at the age of 14. Nothing seems to stick and although we find him counseling, medications and any other help we can, it only lasts for a short while then he stops all the treatment. He is currently being held on a 36 hour hold at the hospital, not his choice, and hopefully will be admitted to a mental health facility. We don't have a lot of confidence in this though because he has been through all this numerous times before. It is exhausting trying to convince someone they should want to live when it seems quite clear they would rather be miserable. I don't know what the answers are either. This is a new experiance for me and I'm not quite sure how I feel about all of it. Thank you for the help.