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Can PCOS affect relationships?

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My wife who is in her late thirties has had issues with post-natal depression and had been on anti-depressants for over five years although they didn't seem to help other than make her feel like an emotional "zombie".

She came off the drugs and about a year ago said she was not happy with our relationship and wanted to separate. This seemed to come out of nowhere as I thought we were happy but just struggling with busy lives with children.

We went to couples counselling for a bit but she found it too stressful so have stopped. We haven't separated as she said she I am a good person but she just doesn't love me and there is no emotional connection. She says it's only feelings and she doesn't know how long it will take to love me again but she wants "space".

I have changed any behaviours she has told me she wasn't happy about (we had a "traditional" relationship which we have now rebalanced to be more equal. Plus I think I had been depressed and not very supportive of her as I was dealing with my own problems of work etc). We are now going out together more and spending more time together although she wants no intimacy and doesn't seem to desire me in any way.

I've told her I understand she needs space to work on herself (she saw a CBT therapist about her anxiety) before she works on our relationship but it's hard going being in a relationship that feels very one way where I am giving affection (when possible) and showing concern and love but getting very little back. I wish she would talk to me more about how she is feeling and actually talking about our relationship but she doesn't seem ready. I stopped asking her how she felt about mw when she kept repeating how she didn't love me still. I do have resentment building that she has shut me out and won't talk but maybe it is just too tough if she is struggling to take on my emotions (initially I was devastated and upset about the question of separation but I'm now much more level headed).

From the start I've suspected a "chemical" reason for her behaviour as she had stopped being the caring loving person she used to be. It may be all down to our relationship and it needing time to heal but I worry there is something else going on. She suffers from PCOS and I have mentioned that perhaps hormone levels are causing some of her feelings but she says she has been tested and there are no problems. The other hormonal possibility is perimenopause (have asked the same question in that group).

I wonder if anyone has been through this similar situation (and come out the other end). At the moment I'm sticking by her because I love her so much (although it is awkward to tell her in this situation) but I don't know if I can go on like this without an end in sight.

Maybe I just need to keep going but it would be nice to hear if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • moon53540
    moon53540 Guest

    Posted

    Is she on any medication now, like contraceptive pill anything for her hormones?
    • moon53540
      moon53540 Guest

      Posted

      Metformin should help even out her hormones. I would say that her change in her personality is more likely down to the post-natal depression and possibly the antidepressants. Is she getting psychological help for that? If she doesn’t like herself very much she probably doesn’t feel like she deserves to be loved. If post-natal depression is left untreated, it can be very harmful for everyone involved. She needs to talk to someone who specialises in this. 
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