I am looking into surgical castration, how much will it cost?

Hey there, thanks for the great answer! I'm very sorry about your situation. Thats too rough to succumb to. Its hard to understand why those doctors would refuse to help you and would rather have you live in agony. The thought of it just baffling. Do you know what exactly is the problem? Could it be torsion? Have you tried visiting different doctors even if it means traveling? I personally would need more than just drugs, I would need a straight up orphiectomy.

Personally, I can't really compare my problem to yours since mine is mental, but mine has affected all areas of my life, for my entire life. Since yours is physical, doctors would logically be more willing. I'm 20 now, and for 10+ years, I've had a porn addiction which gradually grew stronger. I've never had a teenage hood, girlfriend, social life, and social anxiety. I've wasted so many years looking at girls as objects and worst part, I am severely unattractive and never been good with females. I've spent so much time isolating myself to watch porn and I've missed out on everything teenagers do. I've always did poorly in school and never got to see my real potential. My fequent porn binges replaced all of these things. Now, graduating high school, is when it hit me at its hardest, seeing people grow up and experiencing things, and seeing people with friends they been with since young hanging out and happy kills me, since my mind was always focused on....well, you know. 

I want this surgery because I want to be in control of my life, since I am sill young, I still have a chance at achieving my goal. I want to be more sociable, have a serene outlook on life, see girls as people and not objects, and become successful. I know counseling won't work, as I had it a few times before. Counselling cannot change your sex drive. I'm afraid the only hope I have is either bilateral orphiectomy from a doctor, do it myself, or suicide. This is so draining and is psychologically painful. 

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to get sympathy, but I'm just trying to be as detailed about my life and this addiction as I can so you can understand why I desperately want, or maybe I should say need it.

I'm not exaggerating these things. It got worse because it was just a vicious cycle of isolation, depression, loneliness, porn, repeat. It makes me feel even more hopeless that since my pain is not physical that a doctor would still be reluctant, leaving me to suffer.

oh and I couldn't edit my last question, but at the beginning of my 2nd paragraph, I worded it poorly so it seems like I'm implying my problem being worse than yours. I didn't mean that at all, I meant to say while your issue is more urgent and worse than mine, basically, should I even try to get the surgery?

Hey don't worry as I'd guessed you were not saying one was worse etc.

Given what you've said, and I can understand how debilitating that must be for you, I have to say I still think it unlikely you'll find a Dr to perform the procedure for you.

The psychological damage from testicles removal, even if you want it & think you'd be prepared, would be high and the Drs know that. So to perform procedure on someone in a fragile state not related to transgender etc would more than likely be unlikely. I could be wrong though and you could approach various Drs to get further opinions etc.

Counselling can help porn addiction, but it can be a slow process requiring much more input than a few sessions.

Lowering the testosterone will help lower or eradicate libido and desires but it can't alter thought processes. So of girls are objects now then it's unlikely an orchiectomy would alter an entrenched view.

Isolation, for whatever the cause is cruel, as it removes you from loved ones and friends and social life. Again though castration may not solve the isolation as its possibly become a norm for you and potentially the procedure could leave you wanting less contact due to feelings evoked by having testicles removed.

I don't think you're exaggerating the concerns at all, they're obviously very real and very painful for you.

Taking a knife to yourself and doing it that way would be painful beyond words and if you pass out through pain the potential blood loss could be fatal. Then there's the question of infection. A very sensitive area, quite literally open to infection which could give rise to large painful complications and require a fair amount of medical intervention.

Suicide...you're 20 yrs old and whilst you might not see it yet there is or could be a full life waiting for you out there. Sadly suicide is rarely pain free regardless of how the movies make it out to be. To inflict more pain on yourself which might not have the desired result seems more of s punishment than a solution and I think you've been punished enough already with the thoughts and pain already.

I know you said you've tried counselling but I'd really really urge you to go back and try it again but it'll take time BUT time that could result in you being able to live the life you want, where you can enjoy company and be successful. I'm not saying you'll be totally happy not have hundreds of friends nor be ultra rich (if you measure success that way) but you'll have a huge chance of being happier than you are now and that in itself has to be worth the shot.

If you don't want or won't go to counselling over this then I'm sure there's places you can call, in the UK we have Samaritans, who you can talk to about feelings of harm and suicide. Talking about that part of the issue and unburdening that may lift some weight.

No, I don't think you've exaggerated and I hope so much you find the strength to talk to someone and that you begin to see they're is a life out there for you.

You take care of yourself ok