I don't really know what to think.
Posted , 6 users are following.
I'm a 24 year old male, I've been diagnosed with the HSV2 virus just over a year ago, I've had numerous outbreaks since. I absolutely hate the virus and my life since contracting it. People may say this sounds too pessimistic but I like to think of it as being more realistic, I personally believe that my sex life is over. I refuse to tell anyone about it, I've told my close mates they accept it and we have a laugh but they don't really know how it feels.
There's so much stigma around telling people that if it gets out, social life also goes down the pan. Is there anywhere people like me can go to meet and stuff without paying extortionate prices for some cheap ass dating site that probably won't work?
Just wondering, how many men with this die alone? Are there any statistics for me to look at?
Being a male and getting women to talk to you, let alone sleep with you is hard these days without the virus so I personally have accepted the fact that I may as well carry on life with no plans to settle down or be sexually active. I refuse to give it to someone without telling them like it was too me, it ruined my life and I refuse to be responsible for cursing someone else.
Any thoughts?
0 likes, 17 replies
FelizCastus Mra114
Posted
Depending on where you are, there may be support groups. None where I am, unfortunately, and I agree that those dating sites are dodgy. I don't like the fact that they are usually for people with HSV *and/or* other STDs. At least one I looked at, most people on there had no clue if they had HSV1 or HSV2, which is a recipe for disaster (for those only with HSV1). The ignorance was incredible.
A support group would be amazing if you can find one. If you are in the US, there should be something for your area or nearby. I share your feelings and frustrations about sex and relationships, by the way. I am preparing my future as a crazy cat lady, and would like to add a dog at some point, lol. Sigh, such is life!
But again, if you're in the US, you may have better luck at finding a positive or negative partner. Quite a few Americans seem to have HSV2 compared to other developed countries, if you check out the statistics. Nobody really has it where I am. Oh, and it was an American who gave it to me, incidentally. Ha
alyssa75009 Mra114
Posted
Don't get too down in the dumps, think about how many people there are in the world..and that 1 in 6 has been diagnosed...I am 24 and going through something I'm really not sure about (waiting to get tested). All I know is that there are some great support groups online and you aren't alone. Be positive, nothing is the end of the world until global warming or the zombie apocalypse.
Mra114
Posted
Support groups here in Wales, UK don't exist haha. The only support group I have is my friends really, I told the lads straight away for safety reasons. We ride downhill and if there's blood or something they need to stay back.
Where are you from FelisCatus? I just get so angry and bitter most of the time because my biggest fear was dying alone, lol looks like it's to become a reality! People always tell me I'm far too negative but I was living with depression through dating anyway. Social stigma is the worst aspect of this.
The only positive thing to come out of this is that I used to be fearful in my hobby, wouldn't jump a jump without looking or maybe not do it at all through fear of injury but now I don't even care haha, I'll just do it, if I crash I crash. Have progressed but that still doesn't make feeling so down and alone better. More of a temporary means to forget it all.
FelizCastus Mra114
Posted
Just so you know, genital HSV2 is not blood-borne. It only passes via direct contact with your genitals during phases of outbreak (with symptoms) or asymptomatic shedding (without symptoms). As a result, your friends needn't fear your blood because of herpes. They probably shouldn't share a damp towel you've just used on your bits immediately afterwards, however, but that's about it!
How were you confirmed to have HSV2? The frequency of your outbreaks would seem to suggest that it is indeed HSV2, but I am just curious if they actually proved it by testing.
As for me, herpes has changed my priorities. I am now focused on me, staying healthy and getting fit, and have discovered some healthy and rewarding pastimes instead of looking or hoping for a relationship like before. I have not given up hope entirely, lol, but I am also no longer actively seeking anything. If it happens, and the guy isn't put off, then it happens (a relationship, I mean). If not, oh well. That's my take now at least.
That's a shame there are no groups where you are either, but good that your close friends know, as it's not healthy to bottle things up. I have also told my two closest friends. It's also good how it has in some ways emboldened you (so long as you are not completely reckless, haha). Try to think about the pluses despite the (big) minuses of having this. It doesn't always work, I know, but I try to do that!
Mra114 FelizCastus
Posted
Yea I went to the clinic when I noticed the flare up and they told me did swabs and bloods etc. Came back HSV2 positive. Was devastated, I'm not proud of it but I thought about ending my life that day, I still do sometimes if I'm honest I'm not scared to admit that.
Yea I am completely reckless haha, my outlook on life is that my main hope aspiration has completely diminished. A family haha. So now I just use the recklessness to compensate for my loneliness, I've developed an uinhealthy sense of disregard for my body and well being, my outlook is I have nothing to look forward to in that sense so why should I care about what happens.
It may sound sad but that's all we want in life, to be loved and to love. Yea I suppose you could say I've had experiences from before but I mean I was young and that may not even have been 'Love' lol.
My priorities!? Never had any, never will. I live on the edge for a reason, sometimes I could attribute it to my depression but I've had the family aspect taken away from me so if I can't do that the next best thing is to die on my own terms, hopefully smiling on the way out.
Excuse my morbid ness but this is someone with little faith in positivity.
FelizCastus Mra114
Posted
Don't despair! There are people out there who may be okay with it, even in Wales or the UK, plus there are things you can do to minimise the risk to partners if they are negative, like avoiding sex during outbreaks, using condoms and taking daily suppressive therapy. The risk is not zero with all three, but it's as close as you can get, if they are okay with it. And having a family is still possible. Relationships and having kids might be trickier with herpes, but not impossible. I have just personally switched from actively seeking to passively whatever, lol.
Mra114 FelizCastus
Posted
I know these things can be done to minimize risk but I feel like there's almost no value or worth to myself anymore. The way I look at it, why would somone understand / want to accept those things when there's people out there they would be able to have a normal life with?
I've come to the conclusion that if I am to actively seek anything, any perspective partners would have to also be HSV positive. I just can't particularly face anymore rejection so I just leave women where they are for now.
It's pretty uncommon round these parts, most of my best friends say to live as I did before and not to bother worrying bout the risks etc, but I'm not 16 anymore and I do have a conciense that I would like to be guilt free.
I've considered emigration recently, perhaps relocating to another country where the statistics for people with HSV are higher than here but that again comes down to a number of factors.
FelizCastus Mra114
Posted
I totally get all that you're saying in the above post and also think about moving away at some point, etc. The way I see it, men have only caused me heartbreak, upset, stress and now this, so to be honest, in a way I'm sort of happy to be out of the dating market! I miss sex, but look where that got me, heh, so I'm okay to be done with all of that cr@p for the next while and just focus on me and my health. That is more important than finding a guy, so they can "find" me if they're interested, not vice versa. Perhaps that is what I should have done before herpes, but better late than never, imo, and now I have good reason.
ann62126 Mra114
Posted
I myself think about doing away with life after contracting this virus, life is so unfair after planning on settling down and getting married this guy knows he had the virus and didnt say a thing. it's good to know that they are guys like yourself who is will to share your status before getting involved with anyone which is the right thing.
Mra114 ann62126
Posted
Of course, not necessarily share my status more so I just won't put myself on the dating scene. I have very bad trust issues before and even worse after contracting the virus. I am particularly paranoid about being laughed at the usual social apprehensions that come with this.
If I do meet someone, I want to know I can trust them 100% before I disclose, that would proably take months of dates etc and abstaining is nothing new to me, I can last years it used to bother me but now it doesn't.
It ruined my life contracting it because that woman didn't tell me, so I feel your pain, people like that are just selfish.
ann62126 Mra114
Posted
I understand we can't just trust anyone like that anymore, what even hurts me more is when I think that it could have been HIV. this open my eye's more. I'd never imagine once in my life that someone could willfully Hurt somone this way because that's something I will never do. but they aren't alot of trustworthy individuals these days.
ann62126 Mra114
Posted
How long did you contracted it? for me it was days before my birthday and I break out 2 weeks after with my first menstrual after contracting it. and he denied having ashamed to accept what he have done. but life goes on maybe they'll be a cure soon or later who knows.
Mra114 ann62126
Posted
Yes I agree, far too many people are acting on their own selfish impulses to procure what they need. That's what makes it hard to know who to trust.
I've had it just over a year and I've not dated since. Where I live every single person is judgmental and follows the herd I'm afraid, they all feed off drama and social stigma. This is why I don't date.
ann62126 Mra114
Posted
Exactly, I don't blame you because I haven't been dating myself, I also realize that they are many out there who have been dramatic about it has it and don't even know.
DaisukeShino Mra114
Posted
Mra114 DaisukeShino
Posted
I hope so! Mate it's hard enough being a guy anyway. Nevermind this curse thrown in the mix.
I hope to be proven wrong in the future and be able to say I stressed for nothing but I'm not holding out any hope.