Feel there is no point in my life

Hi thanks for your supportive reply. I think in getting the referenes its a matter of having to swallow my pride, because I will have to ask people who I dont particularly want a favour from - like my husbands ex business partner, who I think my husband bent over backwards for, and was taken advantage of to quite an extent - and now I have to ask him for a favour!  But I suppose I'll never get any where with that attitude.

AS for my son - the problem is me and I my husband really feel we owe it to him to do our very best for him, because he did go through alot when I was having my drinking problems, although I was never unpleasant to him, but being around a drunk angry parent must have been awful. And there were times when I just took of for a few days, and my husband reported me missing to the police, and it must have been hell for him and my son. My son asked my husband to leave me lots of times.  Now things are much better and I get on very well with him, ( my son), but I dont want to trigger anything which wil unleash a torrent of accusation about how I ruined his childhood - which he is convinced I have even though he forgives me now. Ke also has Aspergers Syndrome,  - its quite mild, but he was diagnosed when he was five, and he definitely still has it, and he is still very vulnerable in many ways. He wants to go to university, but when it comes to the crunch, I dont know if he'll want to leave home. He may want to stay living with and go to a university near us, which I would be happy for him to do. It also means he actually isnt just desperate to get away from us, which I suppose is a compliment.

We have tried all the rational arguing, and even offered to get an extension built on the house, but he wont budge.  

I am still feeling the burden of my past mistakes, - because of my son, and because of the fact I feel so scared even to just apply for voluntary work. I cut myself off from everyone for so long, because of my drinking and depression, I literally am at a loss at who to use as a reference - or two!    I have thought of volunteering at the centre I went when I did have alcohol problems still - they do have people volunteering who used to be 'clients', and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy it. I'll give that a go.

Again thanks for youre support.

Hi ursula

I agree with hypercats response. Even if your son experienced rough times in the past, he is now old enough to understand your drinking was an illness. It seems like your over compensating by giving in to his wishes because your drinking affected him in the past. If you keep doing this you will be subjected to more demands for the rest of your life.

I am sure you are trying to make it up to him but this is not the way to go about it. What about you? What about your health? What about your wants?

I know you want to do everything to please him, but not at the cost of you.

I think you will get a job and as mentioned by hypercat character references from friends will be enough

if you haven't worked for a while. Many employers will take you on even if you do have minor offences against you. Just be upfront and tell them either on the application forms or at interview. I think your honesty will stand you in good stead. Your son said he has forgiven you. ..I think you need to forgive yourself. It was not your fault it is an illness that took hold of you.

Be kind to yourself and remember your life has value too!!

God bless

Lorraine

Thanks for your'e supportive message. My son does understand the alcohol problem was an illness - he talks about me being allergic to alcohol. In some ways he blames my husband more for not doing more about the problem at the time, but he actually really did all he could.

I will apply for the voluntary work - as for the house move, well my husband doesnt want to either, so we'll just not mention the subject, and hopefully my son will get distracted by other things - he has his own life, friends, and A levels to focus on.

I dont have alot of self confidence in certain situations, although with some people I can stand my ground.  

Anyway, thanks again for your support.

 

You are very welcome and congratulations for overcoming your illness.

You sound like a great mum and your son is very lucky to have a mum like you.

I hope all goes well for you ursula and we are all here for you xxx

Hi you have nothing to feel guilty about.  Alcoholism is an illness and at least you kicked it and ended up back with your family.  I am sure you did your best at the time and no one can ask more of you than that. 

Ok you messed up - join the club for messed up parents.  Who has the perfect family after all?  I know I didn't and mine was nothing to do with drink.   We are all human and we all make mistakes,  so you must learn to live with and accept yours.   Well done for getting clean and putting your family first after a while.  Pat yourself on the back for that ie concentrate on the positive not the negative. 

You can't change the past but you can the future and that is what you should be directing your energies towards.   Have you ever had counselling?   I think this could help you to put things into perspective and help you learn to live with your past.    Then you can move on.  Life is often about living with guilt isn't it?   Don't let it affect your future.

Take the volunteering job and get yourself back out there.   Your previous convictions are probably spent so check up on this.  You won't have to declare anything then.   Take care.  Bev x

Thanks ever so much.  I have had counselling before. Maybe I should try it now. I seem to entering a tricky time as the menopause has just hit me, along with some of the unpleasant symptoms, so its pretty hard to keep on top of things and fight the depression as well. 

My convictions are spent, my husband keeps telling me this, so I dont have to panic so much. But it still dents my confidence. If I enter my name in google the details of my last conviction/court case still come up, which is ridiculous as it was a number of years ago. Unfortunately it was on the front page of the local paper, as I lived in quite a small place. Ironically alot of people with more serious convictions dont have this problem, because they live somewhere where so much more serious crime is going on that something like that would not be on the radar. I was too embarrassed to leave the house for ages, and it was one of the reasons that triggered us moving to another part of the country. It was a pretty traumatic time.

I am really worried that if I dont mention my convictions someone will find out anyway, and if I do there will be problems. I used to think it didnt matter after quite a long while, but these things seem to just follow you around. Basically it was all because of the alcohol problem.

I have also been too embarrassed to contact a whole load of old friends for the same reason, even though I get really lonely. 

I must focus on getting the volunteering sorted out.

Thanks again. XX