1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

feeling worthless...

Posted , 3 users are following.

rayne1900
rayne1900

Started about 2 years ago, initially....

Late 2013 I got out of the military, after I got out, I was in California for about 8 months on unemployment. During this time I applied fit hundreds of jobs and got nothing. I ended up moving back home and was there for 2 months before I found a job. It was a temp to hire job, but if was a good job with good pay. The job was moving chemicals for the oilfield. I was offered a permanent position, but I had decided to leave the job although I didn't want to. I left the job to go back to California to see my daughter and be there for her bday. I stayed for a month and left California again. As I mentioned,I did not want to leave the job but I hadn't seen my daughter in 5 moves and I had already missed the first year of her life due to being sent overseas....when I got back home I called my old manager at the chemical plant, but they were and still are on a hiring freeze. Since I moved backed home at the beginning of the year I've only found yt? Temp jobs that don't pay much. I don't have any skills and never continued my education while in the military. I joined when I was 20, I am now 30 years old, with no degree, no skills, my daughter is in California, so in the back of my mind I'm always sad anyway cuz I'm away from her. My car just got repossessed last week and the little crappy temp job I was doing is in a town almost 20 miles away. I think everyday if I would of never left my old job last year, by now, I'd have my own place and I would be well off..As far as being ok financially...but now, I literally have nothing

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • zoe1976
    zoe1976 rayne1900

    Posted

    Hi Rayne 1900,

    I have no military experience - or motherhood!

    However,  if you can be so brave to serve in the first place - get yourself checked out for any "unwanted chemical elements" in your system and, also, put a call in to your last place of work. Explain the situation... And, I really hope you see your daughter really soon. Put your experience to some use. Maybe, spread the word about your experiences? RE: the job situation - send out as many CV's as you can  - ask your friends and neighbours if there's anything going.

    You sound like a proud person so don't let others beat you down - something WILL come up!

    Let us know how you get on.

    x

     

    • rayne1900
      rayne1900 zoe1976

      Posted

      Hello zoe1976,

      My last job was at the chemical plant, I actually only worked there for about 5 months last year. I was there from last July to end of November. I'm in New Mexico, that's where the job is. I moved from California last May and went back for the month of December. I do regret leaving the job at times, considering where I'm at now, but if I wouldn't have left the job, I would of went 9 straight months without seeing my daughter. As I mentioned previously, I already missed the first year of her life. I actually had her here with me for 3 months and she recently went back to California. I want nothing more than to be with her, but California was impossible for me to find a job, especially one that pays enough to live off of. Last year when I was in New Mexico, I was ok cuz I had found that good job....but I left it and since coming back to New Mexico at the beginning of the year, I haven't had much luck finding a permanent job. I've been away from my daughter about half the time she's been alive, it's the hardest thing. I don't have her and with my car being repossessed, things just got so much harder..at this moment, I really am useless, even as a parent. I can't be with her and I can't provide anything for her financially..feels horrible

  • zoe1976
    zoe1976 rayne1900

    Posted

    Your daughter will love you -always and forever!

    You just keep to telling everybody how great you are and, when you Do see your daughter - tell her your stories - you should be proud of yourself - not ashamed!

     

    • rayne1900
      rayne1900 zoe1976

      Posted

      I know I'm a great parent, normally that would be all that mattered to be, but everything else right now is just bad
  • Mermaid3011
    Mermaid3011 rayne1900

    Posted

    You have your daughter. And you have drive and motivation. Go back to school! Yes you may be the oldest graduate, but who t f cares? There must be a cheap way to get a degree in something. Maybe technical? Machines? Whatever it is. Maybe you are eligible f or social support while in school?! The army must have programs for veterans?!?! 

    Wishing you you that you will find a way to get back on your feet and see your lil one more often.

    one day at a time!!!

    • rayne1900
      rayne1900 Mermaid3011

      Posted

      Ms. Mermaid,

      Thank you. I have thought before about going back to school, but at the same time, I think I need to make money now. I spent a good amount of time before looking into school and everything that I think I would be interested in, I did some research on the pay and it wasn't the best. Shortly after that I found the job at the chemical plant...figured why go to school for 2-4 years when the median salary for what I looked into wasn't the best. Could have made that much at my old job. Would have rather started making that money now, as opposed to years from now...but yea, I left the job and now I'm screwed. But yes, going to school full-time, the military program would pay you monthly for housing based on the zip code you stay in....of course, I would want to be in California, still would take some time to start getting paid. Nowhere to stay in California until I would get paid for school. When I went in December, I was there for less than a week and the mother of my baby was saying she was supporting me. She's never done anything for me. Even before when she didn't work and I paid for everything, she would put me down and tell me I was worthless. She's never supported me in any way...when I was supporting her, I never told her anything to put her down

    • Mermaid3011
      Mermaid3011 rayne1900

      Posted

      It's a shame to be in a relationship like that. But for now all that matters is that you find out about the school options in Cali. The job is not available right now. There isn't money coming in, so let's do something about in the future having better chances on a stable salary. 

      Stay ray with her if you can, stay w friends. Veteran shelters, Camp if you need to. You have been serving your country. You DESERVE an education!!

      its about making YOU stronger!!! It's about giving YOU your life back. Taking it back. One step at a time. And the mother of your girl will have to suck it up and have you around for a few weeks. You just do what's right for you and your girl.

      xoxo

    • rayne1900
      rayne1900 Mermaid3011

      Posted

      I do need to do something, not only for me, but more for my daughter. She's all I have, my little world. It's just hard at the moment
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.