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xyz27014
xyz27014

I am very suicidal and I have anxiety attacks frequently. There are so many things happening in life. 3 years ago my father got abducted and he hasnt returned..my family fell deep into financial crisis. However, my youger brother left for university on my 150% scholarship and I was so passionate to continue with my studies (university) i got admitted to top universities on good scholarship 70-80% but even the rest I couldn't afford. I didnt want to waste my year so I started working a night shift at customer support and with $700 a month I started paying bills and rent and supported my family of 4. I didnt take a single penny for myself even my atm card with with my family. So i worked 9 hours for nothing but hope that next year I might be able to afford college. Its been 2 years and my family said that I'm a girl and girls dont need to be extraordinary. Just graduate in anything it doesn't matter..they constantly talk about the issues with my other siblings but never about me. They say bad things all the time and I have started to stay in my room all day locked up. I had many break ups and guys have literally used me for a few days and left me. I feel so worthless and used like I'm an object and anyone can do anything with me. I'm 21 and I have already given up on things. I lost my faith my hope and I'm miserable. Thinking about ending my life every other day. I don't know what's wrong with me rolleyes

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • barbara22845
    barbara22845 xyz27014

    Posted

    Have you been to a doctor about this. I strongly advise you going. There is nothing to be afraid in doing this and should truly help. Another thing to consider is a change in living here any longer if you have another choice. I was used by family , boyfriends and felt exactly where you are now. Im better and happy now and you can get the same thing. You have to think of yourself and what your present circumstances are. There is nothing at all wrong with taking care of yourself. People and family will use you without a second thought. Sad but a true statement. My faith is why Im now happy but I had to take the steps to heal my

    depression and suicidal thoughts.you need professional help and it can all be confidential if that is your choice. Im truly sorry for how you feel but you cn be happy. It will take time and a strong will to get better. Please let us know how you are. Nothing is accomplished by taking your life and it is a bad feeling but please don't do that because you can be happy and you can come hrre to vent or just talk, we care and want you better soon.

  • kathy_42154
    kathy_42154 xyz27014

    Posted

    Dear xyz27014,  I feel so sorry for your troubles and suffering.  I hope that you will attend school again soon becaue that is what you really desire, and you would always feel regret if you gave up on that.  Your family may say that "it doesn't matter," but I bet they will take pride in your accomplishments...so DON'T EVER GIVE UP!

    I think that most Universities have financial aid departments that could give you information about aid, other scholarships you could apply for, or ways to stretch out payments that is manageable.  There is always a way! 

    Be cautious about giving your heart away, look for guys who treat you with kindness and respect...the others are not worth your time.  There is hope, you have been through a lot and things will get better.

  • hypercat
    hypercat xyz27014

    Posted

    Hi you are going through a dreadful time at the moment and I agree with the other replies - you need to seek help for your suicidal feelings.  You are very young yet so please don't give up on life or yourself.  

    I don't get your father being abducted?  Aren't the police looking for him?  Also how did your brother manage to take your scholarship?  This doesn't make sense to me.

    i am not sure where you live but you seem to be in a culture (or just a family) where girls aren't seen as important,  only boys. 

    You have done the right and decent thing in supporting your family but they are clearly taking advantage of you and this isn't right.  They sound like a toxic lot and not worthy of you.   It sounds like you have a low opinion of yourself and let others use you so you end up feeling suicidal.  This is quite understandable considering your circumstances.   You need to start taking control of your life and the people in it.  YOU deserve the best in life and if the people closest to you are running you down like this then get out and start living your own life.  You are 21,  start being more selfish and start behaving like a self determining adult. 

    That's my advice anyway.  Counselling should help you move on to a better life.  x

     

  • xyz27014
    xyz27014

    Posted

    Thank you everyone. Reading your replies are an immense support to me. At least for some time I'm not feeling alone. I will be sure to seek medical help about my suicidal thoughts.

    My brother applied for a different course and my relatives spent on him so he could apply to universities. I had a very limited choice because I didnt have money to apply for more scholarships. Family always spent on him.

    Police looked for my father for 2 years and then they gave up.

    I really hope I find peace someday. Thanks a lot <3

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