I'm really struggling with my depression that has been with me since my teens, im now 40
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Hi everyone/anyone?? This is the first time i have ever been on a forum and have read peoples posts and can relate to so much of it. I am now 40 and have been depressed since around about 15, though i didnt realise it then. I suppose i first seeked help in my early 20's and was on various pills but nothing seemed to work as well as cognatitive therapy that i hated as it was a group thing and couldnt open up in front of people. Since then i have fought it everyday with periods of having good days and bad days but for the last few months have been so low that im just so tired of the daily fight and feel suicidal. I dont want to die, im terrified of dying but i cant go on with the daily feelings of being worthless, no self esteem and negative thoughts all the time. I dont have a close family and friends that i have spoken to dont really understand how lonely low i feel and i dont want to keep burdening them as they have there own problems and young families to be concerned about. It also depresses me that i will never have my own family and feel like im going to die alone. Im seeing a counsellor at the moment but its just me spouting my problems and she listens, which helps for a short while but the black cloud quickly comes back. Also sometimes when im there i dont want to talk and repeat the same old sh*t about my thoughts cause it doesnt get me anywhere, so why bother. Im single after being dumped a while back and feel so lonely and miss being in a relationship but feel that no woman would want me as i have nothing to offer, im trying to better my life by doing a college course and improve my prospects but still feel like its all so far away. Has anybody tried hypnotherapy? does it work? i dont have much money and want to find something that helps as the counselling doesnt seem to make a difference. Hope to hear back from someone, thanks for listening, sorry if i've droned on
1 like, 13 replies
stephaney28634 edward26399
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Melancholy edward26399
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If having no family is something you dread not having, considered having a dog? I know it's a lame imitation and doesn't cover even half, but for myself I could see that helping if I could afford one. They do become like family members and the good point is - they'll never, ever betray you. Ofc if you're not a pet lover that's bad advice. Just throwing it out there!
I know how loneliness feels too well. I currently really have no-one in my life (besides random talks with my mother over texts once a month or so, and rarely when I feel able to, taking my son overnight) I wish I could have a relationship as well. Just the idea of someone being close and caring that much is almost overwhelming. But like you, I feel I wouldn't deserve anyone. If I can't love myself, why would someone love me, right. Then again, in the end we're all in this world alone. Even if I secretly wish someone would help me through I know it's something I have to deal with myself. Others can offer support, but I have to do all the heavy lifting.
I don't have any experience in therapy yet, so I can't say anything about that. But I can say it's great you're trying. Even without meds or therapy, you're still seeking ways to improve yourself - don't you think that's pretty amazing? Imagine what you could do with even more help.
I was ready for suicide just two days ago - but I find talking to people on these forums has really helped me. Sometimes it's a tiny push, a matter of being heard that'll keep you fighting. There's a lot of people here that surely would listen and share their thoughts with you. You're not alone in fighting the illness.
edward26399 Melancholy
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Melancholy edward26399
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Shame you can't have a dog. Pets can be therapeutic, though I had to give my cat up - just wasn't in the shape to look after it.
Thanks for the kind words, though that's a pretty tall order there! Maybe one day, but definitely not anywhere in the near future. Don't you lose hope on that part, either! My mother found her true love in her 40's after many dissapointments. It's never too late for anything.
jared14067 edward26399
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i hope this helps out somewhat, and if there are any refutes i would love to suggest more things that might help but a few donts with depression (i found out the harder ways) are just sitting around doing nothing (because it builds a feeling of not being needed) avoid wallowing ( as it just makes it worse) and avoidbottleing it up, there is a time and place to say all the feelings, like to a family member or psychiatrist, but you have to be willing to let the feelings out to someone who can help. my family would never hurt me and hopefully yours wouldn't you, but if they do you also have the psychiatrist to talk to. the one thing that i guess i am trying to say (sorry about rambling, i have that problem as well as getting the short end of the gene pool ) is that you cant not do nothing, if your job is hurting you/ making you feel bad, take an extended break and do something you love, if you dont love something, delve into the endless world of potential hobbys, any sport or mind game like chess and football, or even working out is clinically proven to make you feel better in the long run (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurobiological_effects_of_physical_exercise#Euphoria), all in all just try making yourself have a worth to you, you are already valued in atleast some way, whether you realize it or not, but you personally need to make a thing in which you feel valued and feel valuable, thats what is suggest.
elizabeth20203 edward26399
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Best wishes.
Elizabeth.
edward26399 elizabeth20203
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mishellian edward26399
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So if you're asking if hypnotherapy helps. It helped me. It was like the permanent scaffolding was finally off my shoulders as I went about doing series of things that were enjoyable but also were perhaps "out of my comfort zone" - it made me feel I was headed into the right direction and a feeling of accomplishing something. A chance to feel significant.
Remember happiness is a doing word. Do a series of things you like or like the sound of as a start and throw in a couple of things that scare you and watch your life change....(my scary thing was travelling and I managed to do backpack on my own).
Keep life inspirational. I'm excited for you. It's going to unfold for you.
Digsby edward26399
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How are things going for you now? You had some great supportive replies and I really liked Melancholy's idea about dog therapy. I can't have a dog in my flat either but I have friends with pets and when I'm in need of some dog-therapy, I borrow the dog for a few hours and go walking. It's a great solution - dog without the full-time responsibility and exercise.
I struggle with self-confidence (lack of) and depression only makes it worse. But I read somewhere that you can fake confidence and if you do it enough, you can actually start to feel better about yourself. It's like borrowing the quality from your future self. Self-esteem is a much deeper thing though and your mind may not let you fake that. I have worked on changing my mindset and attitude towards myself, being more compassionate and less judgemental, more grateful for what I do have and less stressed about what I don't have. You already have a great attitude and are making strides to better yourself. People are attracted to others who can feel positive about themselves and can show confidence (even if they don't feel it). Also doing things that show caring and compassion for others is a helpful way to give life meaning and take the focus off of your perceived failings (which we always overinflate). You are a really great guy and have such a lot to offer the world. Don't hold back and don't give up. Let us know how you are getting on. Good luck :-)
Digsby x
edward26399 Digsby
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prose780 edward26399
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I think if you could twist your being single as a good thing you might not feel as lonely? I am depressed and the worst part is I've now attached my husband and son along for my depression ride. I wish I could be alone and work on myself, but I have the day to day things to focus on and it is very draining.
I can only suggest you do what i would do if I was single and 40... work 60 hours a week and spend my free time playing video games / online / snacking / cleaning / hobbies... just try and enjoy the small things in life for a while and your purpose is bound to reveal itself
Meganpooch edward26399
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I found Hypnotherapy to be excellent in the early days of my depression. Had an NHS counsellor too that was hopeless and really didn't understand but then found a wonderful one privately. CBT group therapy was not for me.
Despite my forum name i am a 53 year old single bloke and have been on Fluoxetine at various doses for over 6 years now - currently 30mg (on liquid).I also would love a dog but have mobility issues which means i couldn't take it for walks - pity.
I'm glad things are a bit better for you now. I still have the odd day when i really can't concentrate on anything but i know they will pass.It's frustrating but i have learnt to not fight this illness and to go with the flow and put myself first. I hope you keep improving. Best wishes.
edward26399 Meganpooch
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