I'm scared and need advice!

Im a 30 year old male i do smoke recreationally. My grandpa from my dads side had bowel cancer at a really late age in his late 70s and my dad has been found with benign polyps. it all started about a year and a half ago every single bowel movement i had was normal but had bright blood and mucus along with mucus farts, i went to a gastro finally after half a year. took all the tests and everything was fine. he wasnt concerned and made me an appointment to get a colonoscopy and i chickened out im so afraid that i will die because i have to be put under (propofol). so i held off. now the symptoms have changed im not regular any more in my bowel movements, the blood has stopped but now i always have a dull burning feeling pain in my intestines after i have a BM. my stool ranges from constipation then turns soft. sometimes it comes out pencil thin. sometimes diarrhea which gives me really bad cramps. i still have my appetite i haven't lost weight i dont feel anymore tired than usual. I'm so scared to get a Colonoscopy and scared of the results especially because of my anxiety of dieing during the colonoscopy now i feel like if i do get one because of my negligence ill be given bad news. ive been feeling depressed and full of anxiety for over a year and a half because of this. i rescheduled an appointment for my GI tomorrow and im here to share this story and to get some advice clarity or help or if anyone has gone through something similar and what the outcome was.

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