Increase from 20-30mg-40mg, looking for guidance with side effects

Hi everyone 😃

I have never done this before, so this is a brave step for me 😃

I have had anxiety my whole life and have been on SSRI's since I was a little girl, which have made a huge difference.

I recently moved to Germany with my husband and after two rounds of failed IVF, which led to much depression, I fell pregnant naturally. What a blessing, but I found the whole IVF journey very emotionally draining. Of course they also pump you with all sorts of hormones too.

I was on 20mg Escitalopram and was feeling good, still unsettled being away from home, but managing. The gynae in Germany changed me to Citalopram, a safer option for pregnancy, but failed to adjust my dosage 😦 She should have put me on 40mg Citalopram, which would have been the equivalent dose. Unfortunately, only at five months pregnant and spending months having anxiety attacks and feeling extreme depression, did I discover her mistake 😦

About four weeks ago I increased Citalopram from 20mg to 30mg... and about five days ago moved up to 40mg, the dose I should have been on in the first place.

Obviously I also have pregnancy hormones to contend with, but it has been a very difficult time. I am feeling some relief, but still having obsessive thoughts where I cant get out of the loop, worrying about everything and also feeling depression and anxiety.

Some days are better than others, some days I cant even send an email or brush my teeth.

I usually feel a great joy for life and I am hoping this will return, especially with baby on the way.

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance that by increasing the meds, my brain is adjusting, which may be why Im still not myself and that in time I will feel relief.

I also feel a lot of guilt that I cant just snap out of it... so any kind words or help would be a light in my darkness 😃

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