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Just got diagnosed, just moved to a new city.... need support

Posted , 3 users are following.

sarah2897
sarah2897

Hi all,

I am absolutely devastated. My first OB was extremely mild - I had two tiny pimple looking lesions right between my labia and thigh. No pain, no tingling, no blistering, no ulcers, no scabs. nothing. I got swabbed on Monday and just returned from the doctors - a positive HSV2 diagnosis.

I am thankful for this forum - I researched it as much as possible before and because of that, knew that going in that herpes is not a textbook virus - everyone has symptoms, some very severe, some very mild.

I am feeling incredibly depressed and alone since I had just moved to a new town all by myself (the other side of the country from my family and friends). Foolishly, I decided to sleep with someone who I had trusted here.... because I was lonely and now this has changed my life forever. I am trying not to be bitter but I am just so shocked and have never felt so alone or depressed in my life.

I am overwhelmed - I told two very close friends from home but haven't told anyone else. I am terrified to tell my mom and I don't know if that would be a good move or not. I am incredibly bummed because I also met an amazing guy last week who I thought was for sure boyfriend material. I am afraid of what impact this will have on that potential relationship. The stigma is truly the worst part of this illness.

Can anyone provide some words of encouragement? I need some support sad

1 like, 16 replies

16 Replies

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus sarah2897

    Posted

    I think the most positive thing I can say is that you are definitely not alone, since you now have all of us on here. smile

    I know nobody with GH besides my giver, since people with it either don't know or won't openly talk about it. Also, I don't think it's nearly as common where I am, so all of the 1 out of 4 or 5 stats don't apply. rolleyes

    But I am very grateful to have found and joined this forum. Fyi, I have Type 2 as well, acquired not too long ago.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      That is so unfortunate how you acquired GH after just moving cross-country. Life is so unfair sometimes! Although you don't have your friends and family with you, which must make it hard, perhaps in a way it's better to have GH in a place where nobody really knows you. You can try looking at it that way!

      Also, if your mother is anything like mine, you would definitely NOT tell, lol! I would be lectured on my lifestyle, choices, ruined prospects, etc. Pretty sure of it, so no way!! My folks recently visited for just under two weeks, and I was already critiqued by my mother for my bad skin, dry hair, unflattering hair colour choice, penchant for flip-flops, mismatched home decor, plus more. Yours might be very different, hopefully, but just trying to add some real-life humour to the situation!

    • sarah2897
      sarah2897 FelizCastus

      Posted

      LOL this is so true and definitely made me laugh. I am on the fence about telling my mother, and I know it is not a must know by any means... but I think it is important to identify those people in your life who will support you. or have awesome cyber friends who you can talk about it with smile
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sarah2897

      Posted

      Lol, glad I made you laugh, but that is so true about my mother! I can just imagine the stunned look, the disappointment, the ensuing lecture, and the whole I-told-you-so-and-why-can't-you-find-a-proper-man-like-my-friends'-daughters-what's-wrong-with-you business (even if largely unspoken). Haha, I love her, but she's not very supportive in that way, so I chose to open up to only two close gfs, like you. They don't judge, they didn't freak, and they've been really cool about it. This forum community is fantastic, too. smile
  • NuMe
    NuMe sarah2897

    Posted

    The biggest thing for me was understanding that I wasn't alone. And coming to this forum to vent, talk and ask questions has been the BIGGEST help. Be strong. It will be okay. It's alot to take in right now so I can imagine your emotions are everywhere. As for your guy..how do you think he'll take it? I have HSV-1 down there. I had a boy call me damaged goods. Did it hurt? Yes. But it let me know he wasn't the one for me. A week after I got my test results an old friend texted me. He wanted to be involved and I had to explain my situation. I was so nervous and scared. Honestly I expected the worst because of what one guy had already said. When I told him, with no hesitation he said it was okay. He asked questions about it, our restrictions etc. I say all of this to say THERE IS HOPE. I don't want you to ever think otherwise! All the best!
  • sarah2897
    sarah2897

    Posted

    Thank you both for your replies it really means a lot. I am just completely overwhelmed at the moment and feel like I can't talk to anyone. The anxiety I had waiting for my test results has pretty much eaten me alive. I haven't been able to eat or sleep in days.

    As for the guy who gave this to me, I have not spoken to him. I believe he knew about it and I am now in a small town and I worry he will tell others and deny that he gave it to me in the first place.

    As for the guy who I am interested in,  we were supposed to get together tomorrow night but I don't know if I can handle it at this point..... 

    NuMe, your story really gives some hope smile Relationships without a doubt will be the most difficult but it's all about finding someone who loves you for you.

    • NuMe
      NuMe sarah2897

      Posted

      From my experience..I realized some men simply don't want to accept the responsibility of what they did. I stopped talking to the guy all together. It's just a need to be rid of the negativity. If you're not ready to tell him then don't. Wait until you're ready and sure. But don't miss out on a potentially good guy because of this situation.
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus sarah2897

    Posted

    Btw, just curious, but if your symptoms were so mild, and literally just two spots that could have easily passed for pimples (especially given their location), what prompted you to go to the doctor for testing? And was it by viral culture or PCR swab?

    Since you're newly diagnosed, in case you'd like to read up more on GH (knowledge helps, imo, at least it has for me!), I have summarised a lot of key/useful info in the top-pinned discussion thread below (external links to research/articles included, too):

    https://patient.info/forums/discuss/genital-herpes-useful-info-for-those-looking-for-answers-like-me--482438

    • sarah2897
      sarah2897 FelizCastus

      Posted

      so I went because I am pretty much a hypochondriac haha. I have never had ingrown hairs down there and just wanted to be sure. It's weird cause I didn't have any itching either literally two tiny pimples that went away on their own in a few days.  So I am very blessed to have not had a crazy OB  like most primaries. 

      I am am not sure what the difference is between PCR swab or viral culture. All I know is that they swabbed me? What's the difference there? 

      Thanks for the link! Will definitely take a read smile

    • sarah2897
      sarah2897

      Posted

      Another thing - do most people do daily suppressive therapy? My doctor prescribed me valtrex and said just to take it before I feel an OB happening? 
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sarah2897

      Posted

      PCR testing looks for viral DNA. Viral cultures do not and presumably attempt to "grow" the virus, so are less accurate. Having said that, false positives are unlikely, but I was just curious!

      I cover antiviral therapy in my pinned post, but basically daily suppressive meds are not recommended if you don't have very frequent outbreaks, unless you are in a discordant relationship where both parties wish to minimise transmission to the negative partner.

      Experts recommend observing how your body naturally handles GH first for the first few months to a year, if transmission risk is not an issue, and prefer episodic therapy to manage outbreaks as and when they occur, which is what your doctor has also advised. This does not reduce viral shedding, however.

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      P.S. I am not taking daily antiviral meds and am going the episodic therapy route as well, since I am single and don't intend to have sex again anytime soon. Not after what happened the last time, lol! Also, my first outbreak, though worse than yours, was relatively mild/moderate. You are lucky how you barely had an outbreak, btw. I suspect GH won't be physically to bothersome for you, which is a major plus!
    • sarah2897
      sarah2897 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Great thanks again for the info! I've been reading up on this all night and you really come to,realize that this isn't a big deal at all. It's very manageable and is ultimately a skin rash. I really don't understand he stigma and I must admit prior to my scare, I was very uneducated on the virus too.

      the worst today was that I needed a new prescription for birth control pills (obviously not looking for sc anytime soon but my body freaks if I go off of it cause it has been so lomg). So the doctor just diagnosed me, is writing up my prescription for valtrex, I'm crying hysterically and then ask for s new bc prescription!!! Lol look on his face was priceless. 

      When were you diagnoses? You're very knowledgeable. 

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sarah2897

      Posted

      Haha, I bet you confused your doctor with that one!

      Believe it or not, I was only diagnosed two months ago, *but* I have had loads (and I mean *loads*) of free time since then, and have thrown myself into reading up on anything and everything about GH. Credible, legit sources only, as I'm not a fan of non-scientific mumbo jumbo, so reputable websites, research studies, STD/HSV expert Q&As with GH folk, etc.

      Two months' worth of quality reading and a sponge for a brain can make anyone super knowledgeable, lol! I have also found my quest for knowledge/answers to be very helpful in dealing with my diagnosis. The more you know and understand, the better you are able to manage and have realistic expectations, etc. Works for me, at least!

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Yeah, many people say that GH is just a skin condition, but actually it's a skin *and* nerve condition, and unlike most skin conditions, GH is both permanent/incurable *and* infectious (most, if not all, skin conditions are one or the other). Through sex! And it is highly stigmatized, a fact that won't change anytime soon.

      On the other hand, GH won't kill you, it doesn't impair your immune system, it is manageable, and the risk of transmission to partners can be significantly minimised. I thus have mixed views on GH. It's not the worst, but it's also not the best. It just *is*, and now I have to deal with it as best I can!

    • sarah2897
      sarah2897 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Have you had any experience with disclosure yet? Obviously one of the most worrisome things about GH is telling a future partner.

      I am also not sure whether or not I should tell my family. I know my mom would be supportive, but I am afraid she would be a bit judgemental at the beginning sad 

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