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Medication Therapy and Guilt

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SilentHill
SilentHill

I can't tell if it's me or if it's the sertraline. I take 100mg of it, and some of the things I experience are jaw clenching/trembling, jerky motions, no sexual interest, and memory lapse.

I've been taking it for about four months or so?

Do any of you have other medication recommendations?

I'm being treated for PTSD, social phobia, depression, anxiety, and disassociation.

I've also been curious as to how long I can be on pills for PTSD. While the side effects suck I notice that is has actually helped me function more like a human being. I can do my job and interact with people without breaking down as much as I used to though many things are still hard. I don't think I want to see a therapist anymore though. She's a kind lady and I understand it's important to work through my trauma but nothing seems to be helping. I don't want to get another therapist because I don't have health insurance and she doesn't bill me hard. She lets me pay what I can.

Do I need a therapist to have medicine connections?

Also, sometimes it seems like I'm making a lot of it up in some way. Some days I definitely need help and know I'm messed up. Other days I'm okay and I think I'm wasting money and other people's time. I have memory issues with the trauma. Was it my fault? Was it really THAT bad? My trauma is due to childhood abuse.

I guess I feel like I need someone else to validate my trauma because it seems fake if I'm the one doing it. And I'm paranoid. Maybe the doctors confirming it are just catering to me?

Someone at my work finally dragged it out of me what I'm taking meds for. I told him I have PTSD. But as soon as I said I wasn't in the military service he scoffed. With another lady, I accidentally mentioned it and she began to belittle me.

I'm not sure what to think. I'm not even sure who I am. How can I be sure any of this is even valid? Why do people have such adverse reactions to hearing about it? Do any of you experience similar things?

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • annie1963
    annie1963 SilentHill

    Posted

    I understand your frustration.. I have some of the similar feelings.  I don't really like to tell people I have PTSD because mine was from domestic violence.  Mental abuse, then getting kidnapped and shot and tortured.  For some reason, some people do not really see that as something you can't just "get over".  So I try to keep it to myself and if I do tell them I don't really dwell on it.  I say I take the meds to stop the nightmares and suicidal thoughts or homocidal thoughts.  And taking the meds is another story too, as you know.  Most of the people I work with are glad that I am taking something because I have had issues with being quick to anger or unexpected bursts of emotion.  Any that may be why they don't belittle me or make fun of my situation.  The meds work great for that but they do have unwanted side effects.  I am always hungry and it seems to have sidetracked my sex drive.  Gaining some weight isn't a problem but I don't want to have to go on a diet!!  As for the therapist.  My psychiatrist recommended I go back into therapy.  And I feel its a mixed thing.  On the one hand, I get crap off my chest that bothers me, and on the other hand, actually talking about some things makes it worse.  But the therapist I have had in the past was a nice lady and I think I will just go with it and see what happens.  The good thing about therapy is that you can tell them all the bull and they cannot gossip about you.  Not so with co workers or family.  So if you get it off your chest with the therapist you will be less likely to tell others. I learned that people I work with are not really interested in me, just nosey.  I have worked for the same company for 10 years and participated in all of the things that they wanted me to.  Christmas parties, bridal showers for coworkers, baby showers, potluck dinners...  Then when I was in the hospital for major abdominal surgery I did not get one call, text, visit, card, flower, NOTHING from my coworkers with the exception of one girl.  That made me realize that they are just nosey and not really interested in me as a person.  So I keep my stuff to myself and decline all the invitations that I used to participate in.  I focus on family and what is going on in my personal life, and when I work I just do my job.  The ONLY reason I told my coworkers about my meds is because of my anger and outburst problems.  And now that the meds are working, I can see others doing what I used to do, and it's kind of an eye opener.  Now I am the normal one!!  
    • tanya73074
      tanya73074 annie1963

      Posted

      Sometimes you just have to focus on yourself. You're having some troubles, give yourself a break. It's no one else's business about your troubles or meds.

      People judge, some people just feel awkward and use the avoidance tactics, other will try and be supportive and tell you how they once had some great uncle.on their mothers side that had ptsd due to some war battle.

      I don't believe you can ever understand someone's situation until you have walked in their shoes. So let's give the non-understanders a break.

      I understand people's reactions hurt, you long for a kind face in all the trauma you have experienced, but you are confronted with people who have no idea.

      The best thing I ever did was stop worrying about what other people thought and focused on me and my recovery. Think of it this way, if you broke your leg, you wouldnt be running around after other.peoole, you would be resting up till your leg healed. Same principle, different diagnosis.

      Much love, Tanya smile

  • tanya73074
    tanya73074 SilentHill

    Posted

    Hey there Silenthill, I was also put on 100mg of Sertraline for ptsd and depression. Unfortunately I could not achieve orgasm throughout my time on the meds. The pills at first made me feel sick and dizzy. I was followed around with this constance feeling of being light headed. I had short term memory Loss, like 'what did I come in this room for?' but constantly about the most usual things.

    However, despite the negatives, there was some positives. The pills gave me a much needed break from my overwhelming emotions, in tern, allowing me to deal with my issues without being too overwhelmed. They helped make life that little easier, I was able to manage simple tasks without cracking up into an emotional whirlwind.

    At first I never seen the positive effects, I was very against taking the pills. I think it took at least 6 months before I felt any benefits at all.

    The one thing I neglected that was during all this journey, I lost focus on my goals. I know I have an illness just like any other illness and I needed.to get myself better. That was my ultimate goal.

    So I had to ask myself, did the negative side affects outweigh the positives? Can I deal with the negative side affects of Sertraline to achieve my goal? For me, dealing with the negatives was worth it to help me recover. These are questions I can not answer for you. But I hope I have at least given you some perspective. Just don't give up, you are strong and you're not alone in this.

    Much love, Tanya smile

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