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My brother is an alcoholic.. it’s getting SO bad.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Gem2911
Gem2911

My brother is 28 years old he’s been an alcoholic since he was about 16 it all started when he moved away from home and he lived by himself after finding a job away in a hotel, and I think he said he would just get bored after working a shift so he would drink a few bottles of beer.. long story short, over the past couple of years it’s just got worse and worse and worse he drinks over a litre of vodka every single day and his behaviour is just absolutely devastating and is affecting our family. My other brother has just had a new baby girl its the first new baby and my mum‘s first grandchild and my alcoholic brother is ruining absolutely everything for us all, the baby can’t stay here because we don’t know how the alcoholic brother will act. We constantly offer him support and he knows we would all be there for him if he wanted this to stop, he is literally killing my mum when this should be the happiest time of her life, he has had a couple of sober spells in the last couple of years sometimes lasting months without drink but he always goes back to it. In the last year he had a bad fall and started fitting in his bedroom, terrifying, an ambulance came and took him to hospital where he stayed for just over a week, he almost died. The medication they gave him made him go absolutely psychotic for a few days he thought he was on a boat that was capsizing and ended up hitting some of the nurses. He had to have security by his hospital bed. Then stayed off the drink for a few weeks.. then started again.. asked to go back to hospital to do the detox again, done it, came home on the detox tablets extremely paranoid and psychotic again saying Awful things then drank again a week later. 5 or so days ago we spotted on our home security camera that he left the house at 02:45am and the next day we couldn’t find him, when we contacted him he said he was at a friends.. he told us a few days ago he had actually checked himself back into hospital to do the detox again!.. he was acting fine, he was almost like the old him which was amazing to see and he was holding my niece and he seemed to enjoy being around her. Today.. he stumbles in from outside at 11pm, drunk to the point where he cannot even talk, then went back out the front door and my dad had to go and find him in the car. He only really ever drinks in his room in isolation, not pubs or anything. He is just ripping my entire family apart and we cannot cope anymore. My mum is a very proud person and hasn’t spoke to anybody except me, my dad and 1 other brother. She is so embarrassed and doesn’t want to taint other family members view on him. What else can I do as his sister? It’s losing me sleep most nights and it’s just horrible to live with. Please can somebody help or point us in the right direction, we are so so desperate we cant let this go on for much longer and most of all, i don't want to lose my brother altogether due to alcohol. please help.

2 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Luka2
    Luka2 Gem2911

    Edited

    Sorry you are dealing with this, your brothers situation is extremely serious. It sounds like not only is he very physically dependent on alcohol but has some complex medical issues going on too. Is he attending a drug and alcohol center and seeing a psychiatrist specialized in addiction? If not, it sounds like he should be. When you described him being on a boat capsizing, that sounded to me like delirium tremens ie, he was acutely withdrawing from alcohol on the hospital ward and started hallucinating and needed some diazepam asap. It happens often to physically dependent alcoholics when they get admitted to hospital because they haven't told the staff they are alcohol dependent or maybe the staff are inexperienced and don't know how to deal with it.

    Maybe you can offer to go with him to see his GP if he hasn't done this yet. It sounds like at least he recognises there is a problem and has tried to do something about it. There are helplines that family members can call, as family members in this situation need support too - Adfam, we are with you, and Al-anon family groups offer support and advice to families so I suggest you google them and call them. He needs to want to do it himself, but alcoholism is a chronic, lifelong problem so there is no quick fix and relapses are common. The whole family should not really be involved to this extent though, as it just complicates matters. Why is he still living at home? Does he have a job? There needs to be some boundaries put in place I would say and a plan to get him not only alcohol free but independent, living on his own again, and finding work or a structure for the day eg, community or charity work. It sounds like your parents are co-dependent to some extent (ie enabling him) and in denial about how serious this is. Being embarassed and sweeping things under the carpet only increases the shame of alcoholism and is not helpful. The alcohol problem beast needs to be out in the open where everyone can see it. Also, not having rules and consequences of breaking those rules is not good. Why is your dad looking for him in the car? Your brother is a grown up. He shouldn't be living with his parents full stop, and certainly not allowed to be drunk in their house. But if there is someone with alcohol abuse disorder living in the house, then alcohol should be banned from the house completely. But mainly, get yourself the support that YOU need by contacting those people above. Remember to look after yourself first because you can never solve someone elses problems; alot of us have tendancies to want to, to the detriment of our own mental health.

  • barbara66703
    barbara66703 Gem2911

    Edited

    There is very little power left for many of us who have family in our lives who have alcohol addiction . Alcohol has all the power which has controlled the abuser for many years.

    Alcohol use disorder is like a tsunami that rushes in over and over robbing every one of a any kind of a relationship or life with this family member. This disease robs everyone of both emotional and physical energy leaving a wake of negativity in it's path.

    AUD leaves heart ache and pain behind . It's never a good outcome when so many other illness' seems to follow along with this disease.

    Unless there is a willingness to receive in house treatment for over a year ... accept implants ie: meds to help reduce cravings... the whole arsenal of treatments available ... can help some..

    In my experience there is usually so much brain damage and mental illness accumulated along the way thru this disease that the journey to sobriety is lost and the person we knew is gone. Some AUD cases not all can survive and move on to a sober life . Some just cannot find sobriety. It's horrific to watch a loved one going down that path because in the end ...awaiting ... it usually means death way to early.

    In many cases family members can regain some sort of acceptance and understanding thru professional help or the many groups available either online , AA or thru other means. For many of us caught in the many waves of this disease it's not just understanding AUD , the path is never easy for family members it takes a toll on all our lives forever. Some of us never give up on our loved ones always hoping some day or maybe if I do X, Y and Z this will open up a new journey for our loved ones to achieve a sober life while healing AUD. Hope upon hope that eventually moving on to a sober life with the love and support of family and on to a successful future. This is always the .... 'Hope'. There is a time to accept when the battle is lost , when that becomes a reality is a individual decision. Keep a open heart and never blame yourself for the choices of another.

    Remember the Serenity prayer from AA..here is part of it... the whole prayer says it all..

    God, grant us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

    The Courage to change the things we can

    And the Wisdom to know the difference.....

    God Bless you Gem , your brother and your family.

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 Gem2911

    Edited

    Sorry i am late and sorry that nobody bothered replying to you after so long. I was an extremely heavy drinker for many years and my wife threatened to throw me out of the house. Our twin babies were 11 months old and i stopped completely! Too scare to loose everything! Now 8 years sober and much better. Your brother is on another level and a heavier drinking than me. I nevef did detox and never went to hospital. Stopped stone cold but do not recommend this since you can die. Not certain how to help you. You tried everything and he is lucky to have you! Rgds Robin

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