PTSD medication and desperation
Posted , 4 users are following.
have been on mirtazapine for over 3 years and have seriously had enough of how it has made me feel. i started at 15mg then 30mg then quickly on 45mg. i have personality disorder and PTSD a have been on a therapy waiting list for nearly 2 years which is ridiculous. i am isolated, live alone and have no family or friends. All this stuff has ever done is cause me to become numb minded, seriously over weight and unsociable to the point i have become nocturnal so that i never have to even see another person. it no longer helps me sleep in fact i am also full of anger and hate noise or people. i skulk around my 24hour supermarket at 3 - 5am so i dont have to speak to anyone . self service checkout is great for this. i wasnt like this before these meds . I wasnt exactly a social butterfly but i didnt nearly die from a panic attack if someone approached me outside to ask for the time or pet my dog (who also now shares my isolated nocturnal existence) I have tried several times to stop this meds without success. every doc i ever spoke to just looked at me like im stupid whenever i mention my problems blaming it all on my PTSD but i know my own mind. I have had PTSD for years and years and was able to function better before this stuff was given to me. i now have a weight problem, headaches, anger, cannot work due to excess weight causing back problems and asthma. i am thinking about death every single day. I am constantly expecting horrible things like a arson attack on my home, someone murdering me while walking the dog at night, i keep a log of unfamiliar cars on my street, im i am obsessively clean. i am emotional. i have recently reduced my dose from 45mg to 30mg last month and next month i will be doing 30mg one day and 15mg the next etcetera for 2 months then go for 15mg for 2 months then 15mg one day then half a pill (7.5mg) the next etcetera for 2 months then half a pill (7.5mg) for a month then stop altogether. i have been advised to do this by a doctor i saw last month. this doctor was a new doctor i have never seen before because he was standing in for my regular doc who was on leave and he suggested this as the best way to stop taking it. he is also the first and only doctor i have met who 100% agreed that mirtazapine is a awful drug and is absolutely unsuitable for my condition and if he had been my original doctor he would never have put me on it. Therapy is what i need but I have been waiting for so long now that i dont even want to speak to a therapist. I need to talk with someone who has been through the same as me, someone who understands what its like to be abandoned and abused as a kid and or knows what its like to be shot by a gunman on a motorcycle in a murder attempt on me, someone who understands what its like to be awoken by a house on fire in a second murder attempt and absolutely nobody on either occassion being arrested or charged because the local police force were working for gangsters who had more power and influence than them. all of this when i was 17 years old and i am now nearly 40 and still living in hell.
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sam18386 DavidjustDavid
Posted
hi david, you'd think in this day and age you would be able to get the correct level of support. i know sort of how you feel i have ptsd too and am awaiting counselling but haven't been waiting 2 years! i have been waiting nearly 6 months thpugh. i refise antidepressants, i won't take any at all! i wish you luck. hopefully for us let me know when you get the support tou need. if youe doctor is clever/sensible then you'll get the support you need. thete are ptsd counsellors out there.
DavidjustDavid sam18386
Posted
sami8386 thank you for replying. about 6 months ago my doctor told me that he had received a letter stating that the counselling service had offered me 2 appointments, neither of which i had replied to! im angry at them because they have my postal address and email and telephone number and none of these had been used to contact me so i wander how these appointments were offered other than telepathically. its amazing how the doctor was contacted and i had to ask before this misinformation was relayed to me. About 4 years ago i had enough of spending over 2 years living in my van due to cold weather. my ptsd caused me to feel safer within a van than in a house but anyway, i approached all of the services that help homeless people and found that framework, ymca, housing aid would not help me because i am not a drug or alcohol abuser! even when i was struggling to eat whenever i attended a food bank i stuck out like a sore thumb because those places were full of smack heads and junkies all abusing the system by taking everything after spending their dole on drugs and alcohol! i have alot of hate for drug users. personally i think they should all be euthanised. i cant help but think if i was a junky i would get my counselling. i once rang the samaritans in the early hours to be told that i am just ringing for attention. i have seen evil and experienced some bad stuff and i am not sitting here taking crack and heroin or drinking myself silly. the wrong people are getting helped nowadays. years ago if a druggy lived locally everyone would avoid them and make them uncomfortable until they left but now if your a druggy you get free food, housing, clothing, counselling, support. this world is wrong its just wrong.
sam18386 DavidjustDavid
Posted
and this isn't the way it should be really? why did your doctor get your counselling appointments and not you? i didn't even inform my doctor about ANY of my counselling sessions. put you 1st. you may need support, help, counselling or drugs to help you. write down what you need, take it to your doctors tell them where you want it to go and you will wait a week for a response. sometimes you have to be a bit selfish to get what you need.
DavidjustDavid sam18386
Posted
update, just when i couldnt feel any lower, a sudden gift from God has been passed to me, only 30 minutes ago i have had a call from a PTSD psychologist offering me regular appointments. i can have weekly or fortnightly starting next week and they have even offered to pay for a taxi to pick me up and take me there and return me home! i am actually choking back tears as its sinking in that this could be the start of something very very good for me. i thought they had completely abandoned me and the negative thoughts have been overwhelming me for a long time. im sick of being a angry nervous wreck because of childhood abuse and then 2 murder attempts 21 years ago that have completely destroyed my life causing me to be a isolated nasty defensive git. my attempted murderer was never caught ever and i bet they have had a better life than me.
sam18386 DavidjustDavid
Posted
hi David, i hope everything works for you. it's about time you got some support just for you. i am pleased for you! i am still waiting for the support i was promised months back, i feel like this throwing in the towel!
sam18386 DavidjustDavid
Posted
oh i forgot to say it was a David who hurt me, so maybe speaking to you has referred my faith in people with that name!
hua08948 DavidjustDavid
Edited
I hate any doctor who forces you to take medications. I know that all medications have side effects, including headaches, despair, and pain. I still recommend self-treatment because you encounter a suitable therapist and it is a miracle because we cannot trust anyone
hua08948
Edited
I feel the same as you, I hate the person who forced me to take the medicine, now I stopped the medicine, now I'm recovering, I get more love, from my mother, 2 years ago I saw my husband attack me Child, I keep flashing back and hearing, panic, I was wrongly imprisoned and beaten by the police. Currently I am appealing, my body spends every day in despair, severe headaches and suicidal thoughts, now I have recovered, But the pain is still there, I am relying on myself
sam18386 DavidjustDavid
Posted
hi David, even your name is making my heart beat faster due to the fact that somebody called David raped and hurt me when i was 19. i am 46 now and FINALLY after this many years i have found a therapist that deals with assault specifically. now i am not blind and realise you weren't assaulted! you do however have complex PTSD that i feel no amount of any antidepressant will help with. for PTSD you need to talk and to someone who has had training in this area. speak to this new doctor, some are better than others and mention as soon as you can PTSD due to the trauma you suffered in childhood. mention EMDR - it's a form of therapy used for PTSD patients too. don't take the antidepressants - be kind to yourself, try yoga, sport, any form of exercise or mindfulness? it's worth a try surely? take each day 1 at a time and make sure you let someone know how you feel, whoever you feel most comfortable with. i wish you luck! it's a tough road but WITH support you can do this. you will become mindful of everything and it may make you obsessive about things it's a form of being in control!