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So sick of hearing things will get better

Posted , 5 users are following.

justbeingme2
justbeingme2

No! I've heard this my whole life! When I was raped by my brothers, beat and almost killed by my ex husband. Cheated and hurt in so many ways by my husband now. When I finally fell in love with a man, I screwed him over because life had made me an ugly person! I was afraid to trust so I cheated first! It's so much more complicated than that but he left. He hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I've decided to go back to my husband because I don't care about me anymore. I'm doing it for the boys we have together but pray for a heart attack everyday. It's the truth but I pretend to everyone I'm okay but feel dead. I am not feeling sorry for myself...I used to. I'm just so darn angry! What the heck did I do to have such a miserable life? Why would God allow me to fall in love with someone to take him away? Why did he let my brothers rape me, my exhusband beat me and almost kill me? Why did he put my husband in my path. I am married to him and realized years ago, we have nothing in common and I was so very unhappy! The thought that eventually we will have to be intimate again is so distressing. I feel so alone it hurts! I used to be positive but I can't find it in me anymore. I was a happy go lucky person and believed I would be happy but after 37 years, I've stopped believing. I'm so sick of hearing everything will be okay. No! It's not okay! I'm not okay! Everyday is a struggle and hate happy people!

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • mrs.wife24531
    mrs.wife24531 justbeingme2

    Posted

    So sorry you're going through this. God is always there it's the devil who wants us unhappy god promised us joy and happiness. You just have to believe and trust in him. Go for your happiness, find what makes you happy. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much heartaches but I encourage you to have faith and don't give up. Yes i know it's easier said then done and I hear things will get better all the time myself. Hang in there praying for you 💕. You're beautiful!!
    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 mrs.wife24531

      Posted

      Why hasn't he stopped the devil? I've always believed in him...why doesn't he believe in me? I took care if everyone always! Would not eat for others...pray every night for so many! He forgot me!
    • mrs.wife24531
      mrs.wife24531 justbeingme2

      Posted

      I don't have the answers even for myself sometimes. What makes things better for me is to imagine how happy i use to be and the things I use to do, it motivates me to want happiness for myself, i know it sounds weird but it really does help.
    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 mrs.wife24531

      Posted

      Its not weird wife... I know and I was you...nothing could make me not believe in myself or that I would be happy. Something happened and my life has not been the same...I'll try. It's all I can promise. ...thank you
  • lizz977
    lizz977 justbeingme2

    Posted

    I'm so sorry and I wish I had all the ancwers for you! Your letter made me so sad I just want to hug you and be there for you really! I can never understand what you have been through, but I deal with anxitey I know it's nothing compared to what you are going through but I can relate when you say you pray and feel like God has forgotten about you I feel the same way I'm a nice person why me!! It's so hard to keep your faith when we deal with such disappointing parts in life. But I promise you that there is a reason for everything okay I hate hearing it myself and I try to practice what I preach. Have you tried to talk to a councler? It's like you are dealing with a lot going on and it needs to come out. Keeping it in will only get us physically sick like someone who is dealing with a lot of stress gives them a headache you understand. I think I kept so much in for so long that this is the reason why I now have anxiety. Like the last reply do what makes you happy plz, plz. I understand it's hard I get it but you need some you time. This is just me and I'm not judging you I'm the last person in the world who would do that but for me I would never get back with my daughters father just for her sake, if I'm not happy where im at or who im with no matter how well I try and hide it my daughter is not going to be happy because I'm not 100% me. I love you and I hope you will do things that make you happy in life.
    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 lizz977

      Posted

      Thank you lizz! I'm going to try but I'm tired and alone. I've been alone my whole life and I kept saying it will get better....someone will love me but I've lost faith and feel God forgot about me. I haven't met with my therapist or gone to group in over a month. I don't think you are judging...thank you. I will think about it. I don't know what it's like to be loved in a healthy way. I was waiting for that and believed it would happen and now I'm lost. I'll keep praying!
  • barbara03922
    barbara03922 justbeingme2

    Posted

    Hi. Things can only get better once you take control of your life and realise that you can exist without men. Men have brought you nothing but hurt and pain. See what you can do about earning your own money and getting your own place. Totally forget about finding another man until you have achieved this. You can only make good judgements when you are independant. Concentrate on your relationships with your children and getting yourself straight and you'll be working towards a happier life. God doesn't create bad people to do these things to you but he can help you to recover by finding the strength to change things.
    • justbeingme2
      justbeingme2 barbara03922

      Posted

      Barbara, Men have ruined my life and I would just hate all men but I'm not ignorant and know all men did not hurt me. I don't even want a man at this point in my life. The only one I fell in love with wants nothing to do with me and so whatever. I'm done! I do not lie when I tell you I have been trying to gain control of my life since I was six. I've lost hope barbara. Thank you and I understand what you are telling me. I believed in what you are telling me. After the man I love stopped writing, I have gone into very bad anxiety and lost all hope for any happiness. I feel like I'll never know what it is like to be loved and happy. I am angry I am so pathetic to still love this man and angry that men were ever in my life. I know it's ridiculous but it's how I feel. Iam currently pursuing a degree in counseling because I wanted to help people but I don't even want to do that! I will try to find myself but I'm sooooooo angry!
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