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Struggling to cope with sobriety

Posted , 6 users are following.

nikki48530
nikki48530

To anyone listening...

I'm relatively new to this forum, and would appreciate any form of human interaction.

I am currently about 3 or 4 weeks clean off a very long 9 year addiction to codeine. I'm 28 so I've spent almost my entire 20's chasing painkillers.

I'm currently over the acute withdrawal (Thank f#*!) It literally was the most agonizing experience of my life and I've had my fair share of those. Twice I've been hospitalized for over 2 weeks as a result of my addiction, both times weighing less than 40kg's and on the brink of death, and that was a walk in the park compaired to this.

But somehow I made it through it despite how much I told myself I couldn't. One thing I've noticed is the insomnia is much more relentless this time. I think because last time I detoxed I was on antidepressants that knocked me out. This along with the crippling anxiety/rage/depression is really taking its toll on me. My partner is currently working weird hours so I'm finding myself sitting at home in the dark (even during the day) feeling really restless and bored and it's really doing a number on me. I now find myself when in the company of others getting so jittery and worked up I talk non stop about stupid stuff and annoying thecrap out of people. I try go for walks everyday but I'm struggling with energy and motivation as a result of the insomnia. It's a cruel cycle.

Anyway I would really appreciate anyone just to talk to, I'm feeling quite down and isolated.

Cheers

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • max83505
    max83505 nikki48530

    Posted

    Hay nikki , I was addicted to mst and oramorph and i am in a better place now , as horrible as it sounds you need to give your body and your brain time to heal , it doesn't happen overnight . Fatigue, and just your whole life in general will take months to get back to square 1 . I am still on my journey still and still struggle like u do . You can't peek to early and can't stress that enough . If you want to talk anytime send me a message I will give u my face book as I understand it helps to talk . I have another friend I can introduce you 2 who helped me hell of a lot and he has great advice . There's no need to feel alone .
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 nikki48530

    Posted

    What A lovely, lovely reply...very caring.....

    I have no problem with tramadol, codeine and many other medications I take...I can just stop with no problems apart from return of crippling pain....

    I can however relate to you....I had an alcohol problem for ten yrs....I was sectioned four times !!! Overdosed three time, !!! At the point of death many times....I only weighed 5st. 12lbs....

    But it does get easier I promise you xxx x. I have been well for 12yrs...I will not lie, the first year was very, VERY hard....but you will get there...

    You are amazing, you are strong....and you are WORTH IT..XXXX ..tAke every day..one at a time....it WILL GET EASIER....

    You are courageous, and honest...I send you HUGE HUGS and more HUGS....DEIRDRE xxxxx

    • nikki48530
      nikki48530 deirdre._03652

      Posted

      Hey deirdre,

      Thanks for replying smile it actually scares me to look back and remember how sick and emaciated I was yet still I was cramming pills down my throat like it was going out of fashion.

      I'm the opposite to you though. I never touch alcohol. Can't stand it. But opiates. They're my biggest weakness.

      Because I'm so impatient I want to be fixed now wink I keep reminding myself that I didn't get in this mess over night so I'm not gonna get out of it that easily either.

    • nikki48530
      nikki48530

      Posted

      Sorry accidently pressed reply.

      Thankyou for your kind words of support I appreciate it...

      btw 12 years is an amazing feat. You should be very proud smile

  • m._r.31253
    m._r.31253 nikki48530

    Posted

    Please hang in there.  I am going through my second withdrawal.  This time tramadol.  The first time was Oxy.  All doctor prescirbed but extremely hard to get off of.  I am weaning off which is hard for me...but I WILL do this.  You have cleared the biggest hill...look at it as though you are slowly walking down that hill..seeing beautiful scenery at the bottom.  Beautiful flowers, a lake, animals, what ever it is that you enjoy.  It is there.  This blog has helped me so very much.  I have found friends that help me get through each day.  I have to lower my dose again friday...which means a few sick days again.  I will be going through this until March or April.  Ugh.  contact me anytime.  You can do this!  You are so young and have so much life to enjoy ahead of you.  I've decided life is better with pain and no drug!  So I know you can do this.  Sending HUGS...and prayers
    • nikki48530
      nikki48530 m._r.31253

      Posted

      Hey there,

      Thanks for your reply...

      I'm not familiar with tramadol I am with oxy. I never even considered tapering, though I wish I had of. I think I was so over zealous I just wanted the pills out of my life that I didn't even consider how rough it was going to be on my body.

      Im sorry to hear you have such a hard road ahead of you. But just so you know it will be so worth it. For the first time since I can even remember I can actually feel again. I never realised when I was taking it how little I felt and cared about anything.

      You will feel so much better once you've kicked the dirty pills. What kind of pain are you living with? If you don't mind my asking?

      I wish you all the best and have all my faith in you smile

    • m._r.31253
      m._r.31253 nikki48530

      Posted

      I have back pain neck pain had a horse fall on me years ago. 5 surgeries so far. having a rough day. I dropped half a pill Friday. Saturday I go to clinic because I have a severe UTI! caused by amoxicillin for sinus infection Sunday terrible sinus headache and vomiting thru today. think I'm withdrawal sick too
  • oly958
    oly958 nikki48530

    Posted

    Hi Nikki, a massive 'well done' to ya, sounds like you have been on a hellish journey for the last few months. How are you feeling now?

    I'm 6 months lcean and feel like my mind and body are starting to feel so much more familiar. Quitting Opiates sucks as it really increases pain for a while, hold your nerve, it will get better!

  • anthony10903
    anthony10903 nikki48530

    Posted

    Was addicted to many substances,including painkillers.after an accident I got perscription.Then I was buying off the street.You are stong .You should start to see daylight.your brain is adjusting and so for awile a lot of chemicals need to become readjusted.Question your strongf negative emotions on paper and practice writing slowly .try the relaxation technique on this site.give it a few trys over couple of days .try what is called backwards thinking.when you find yourself angry about the past recognize it and try to trace it back to where it began.you may find a common thought triggering this and it could be caught earlier before emotions run extreme.try to meditate and not allow thoughts to attach to raw emotions.just feel the emotion and block out thoughts.
  • jrok
    jrok nikki48530

    Posted

    First, congratulations are in order, I realize this post is a month old, so hopefully you are still going thru with this. I can totally relate, I'm 31, just getting clean, I went from vikes to percs to oxy, to heroin, to about 20 days on a super fast taper on suboxone. I am the same way when I first get clean, rambling on, jittery, have the spills and all that, you must have leveled out by now? I noticed you said "no matter how much I told myself I couldn't" tell yourself you can, every time you think you cant,!!! A hundred times a day if needed. Idk if I'm the only one, but weed has been a godsend, most nights I've been sleeping 6 straight! Oh, and get out of the house!! Exercise, make yourself do it, we are not changed by what we do on the days we feel up to it, a person truly changes based on what we do on the days we don't.
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