Advice / guidance regarding 91 year old parents and visitors

Edited , 5 users are following.

Myself and my brother do our parents shopping and deliver it. I vac and clean their bungalow every 2 weeks. They are spritely 91 year olds, a little slow on their legs but otherwise healthy and not on any medication. I am retired, as is my wife. My brother works in the waste disposal industry and his wife cleans at a (currently COVID free) smaller nursing home. Both my brother and his wife have regular tests for the virus, all having showed up as negative so far. They get the results 3 days after attending the test.

The other weekend myself and my wife called around to see my parents unannounced and witnessed my brother and his wife inside, albeit at least 2 metres away, drinking tea/coffee prepared with my parents' crockery. No PPE worn either. My brother has the opposite attitude to risk avoidance to me and sees my stance as a overreaction. He seems to have convinced our parents also of this. They (correctly) see his wife as undertaking a heroic and crucial task in maintaining the cleanliness of the home in which she works, but then say they do no not want to banish her.

When I call around to do their cleaning, they always retire temporarily to their garden summer house and read / do crosswords etc.

When I call with my wife, we either stay in their garden or talk at the door. My mum especially fusses and says "come in and have a cup of tea" - which we politely decline. My parents have now been isolated in their suburban home for 10 weeks and have not ventured out.

Am I right in my reaction? Am I justified in saying my brother and his wife should stay outside the home when they call?

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  • Edited

    Alan, I'm not going to say yes or no here, but I will say that some huge percent of total COVID-19 fatalities in the US are in skilled nursing homes - for folks who cannot get through a day without professional nurses present. And part of the risk there is not even the patients but the environment with many service people per day much less many other patients in close proximity.

    Make sure your folks are up on their vitamins C, D, and zinc. Make sure they get some apples or onions or berries and some green tea, to promote the zinc and maybe the quercetin has further benefits as well. And frankly, they'll have as good a chance as anyone even half their age.

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  • Edited

    I have 87 year old mother and me and my sisters when we go round sit outside in garden 6ft apart. We bring our own drinks as not to make her vulnerable to covid. If it raining she sits in her porch and we sit in car and chat that way.

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  • Edited

    You are absolutely right and I'm in a remarkably similar situation - it was like reading my own words. My dad is 90 - my brother stays with him 3 nights a week as it suits him because it is close to his work - my brother no longer speaks to me and said I have totally overreacted because I made my feelings clear at the start of all this and managed to convince my dad to ask him to stay away for his safety. He did until about 2 weeks ago and now has told him that he is fine and gets tested daily. I have tried to explain to my dad that it's just his temperature being taken and means nothing but he now says he wants the company and it's OK as the worst has passed. I am a carer in a care home and know the dangers only too well having just recovered from covid myself and seeing two of the lovely old chaps pass away. To be honest I have given up now - suddenly I am the bad one in the family for trying to do the right thing and protect my dad but I have had to switch off and let them get on with it. I feel for you as I know exactly how upsetting and frustrating it is. We can only pray nothing goes wrong. xxx

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    • Posted

      Guess its just not me then! There's even more divisions between family and friends over this than there was over Brexit!

      Saw my Dad today who said "well, flu kills alot of old and weak people". Its ok for him - he's had his life. Losing a loved one 10 or more years before their time must be a bitter blow.

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