Help and advice please

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi all

I am hoping someone can give me some advice, I've been on this site for a long time and find it helpful and hopefully helped others along the way.

Back in 2010 ( 31 ) I injured my back, was doing light gardening work. At first I thought I had torn a muscle, over a few weeks the pain got worse for me, eventually I could hardly get up and when I was up I couldn't stand straight. I eventually went of to see my GP, who sent me to A&E as I also had leg pain and loss of sensation around my bum, I had an MRI and I was told this was all clear, however they kept me In for just over 3 weeks just upping my morphine levels and adding drugs, I did some physio. The pain never went but the drugs did help take the edge of it.

My surgeon I was under decided I had a conversion disorder, where the mind plays tricks on you for some reason or the other, and sent me to see the psychiatry team, I thought ok well if it is and it helps then I have nothing to loose. The psychiatric team sore me and said I was mentally stable and on there eyes the problem isn't in my mind and I needed further investigation.

My Surgeon made me feel totally like I was wasting time and resources and eventually I got to a point where I discharged my self. They sent me on my way with the pain meds and I kept these up and tried to manage as best I could.

In 2012-early 2013, I went to see a extended physio privatly, my GP referred me for a private MRI so I could go in with new imaging, they also managed to get hold of my original MRI from 2010. Before he even examined me he brought up my images from 2010, and said he was shocked I had been brushed aside as it was obvious to him that I had bulges in l3/4/5 and S1 and a anular tare, he asked one of his colleges to come in who was a surgeon and they compared the 2 scans, over the years the bulges had got bigger as had the tare.

He referred me back on to the NHS and I was seen by a different surgeon, this was done within 2 days. The surgeon agreed with there findings and he was concerned I had developed Caudia equina, he operated and did a multi level discectomy. Sadly this failed and I ended up having a spinal fusion over those levels. At first I was amazed by how much my pain had gone, apart from the back being sore and being tired from a 11hr operation, I was up and walking 2 days after.

About 6 months on I started to get pain in my back again and this time I had horrible pain on both legs and feet and my toes had gone numb, the surgeon scanned me and he advised that sadly the fusion had moved slightly and in his eyes they couldn't do anything as to remove it could make me paralysed. He referred me on to guys hoapital and suggested a spinal cord stimulator might work.

I waited a year to eventually get the operation but sadly this failed and the specialist said my pain was to far spread and that I have large amounts of scar tissue causing some of the pain, they decided that pain medication is the only way forward.

Now I am taking 300mg of pregablin 2 x a day, 60mg of codine 2 x. A day, amertryptilin 100mg 2 x a day, diazapam 10mg 3 x a day. Duloxatine 60mg 1 x a day.

Oxcodine quick release 20mg every 4-6 hrs. He has recently changed me from targinact to something called topentidol 200mg 2 x a day, he said the reason for change is that targinact is very expensive in the U.K.

Now all I get is dry mouth, dizziness, sleepy but can't sleep , but again I am only getting some help from the pain meds.

I will be totally honest I am now 38, I have 2 young kids 3 and 7, the last 2 weeks since the spinal cord stimulator failed I have become so down, depressed, I have dark thought and just want it all to end. I barely get 3 hrs a night which is disturbed sleep.

How can I get through this, I am seeing my GP to tell her my feelings and the thoughts I am having. But I have made plans on ways to end it, but luckily I go to photos of my kids and this stops me from doing anything silly.

Just to add, I have had a kidney removed due to a congenital problem, I have had 2 knee operations due to falls and I damaged both knees, I had my prostate removed last year as I had prostititus and multiple try's to get it to reduce failed so they removed it, I also had to have a circumcision last year as when I had the prostate operation my for skin didn't return and they said I needed a circumcision, the surgeon made a right hash of it, and I become septic, they did a second one and cleaned the infection, for me to have my 1 yr follow up a few weeks ago to be told I need further surgery as it still doesn't retract, sadly my wife and I are not intermate anymore as my pain makes it to hard.

Sorry for the long post but I am reaching out hoping someone can help and give advice.

I am trying to keep it together but am struggling with everything that's gone on over the last 6 + yrs.

1 like, 22 replies

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22 Replies

  • Posted

    No, I meant another one. One that will give you adjustments, not stretches
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  • Posted


    I've had the Nevro Implanted in me 3 months ago, since then i've

    had no tech help me in person, this Wednesday someone will

    be at the dr's office.

    I called the one tech that is very nice told me to play around with the programs

    slowly and we what happens.

    Program 1 only the first 2 bars helped after that extreme pain

    Program 2 complete failure

    Program 3 getting more relief

    This one tech is a great guy and I received a call from another tech who seems


    Dont dispear, keep the faith

    I hope you get relief soon


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    • Posted

      Hi Paul

      How are you??

      Thanks for the kind words.

      Things just seem to be getting worse for me. After 18 yrs of being together and 10 yrs married, my wife finally revealed how she feels about the whole thing over the last few yrs.

      She told me she hates to see me in so much pain, and what I have become since my spinal problems began, she said she feels I am just a lodger in the house, sadly due to pain and falls I no longer sleep upstairs.!

      She said that she is a woman and has needs, she said she is so upset that we can't have a 3rd child, and that we have not been intermit since my son was conceived. ( he was 4 on Saturday)

      She told me she no longer wants to go on like this, and my back problems upset my kids, we also have a girl aged 7.

      I reminded her that my spinal problems are not my fault, my circumcision is not my fault, having my prostate removed and now we cant have more kids Is also not my fault, I reminded her that I contribute and do things as a family and that I always try my best even though the pain limits me. She has told me in January she wants to split up, I just gave in and told her if that's what she wants then that's her choice, but I told her I will never stop loving her or my kids. I have told her she can have my house and whatever else she wants.

      I didn't know what else I can do or say, totally upset by this and feel that finally I can't go on.

      Am I missing something here, even though I stopped working sept 15, I have provided for my family from my savings, I have paid if the mortgage with a disability insurance I took out when I was 18, and have put aside the lump payment in to our joint account, I might not be able to do something but have tried my hardest all the time.

      Sorry you and others probably don't want to read this so I am going to stop, at least I feel a little off my chest.


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    • Posted

      Hi George

      Sorry this is happenening to you.  We know none of this is your fault,

      but you cant do anything about this.

      I wish there was something I could do for you but I will pray and

      keep you in my thoughts.

      You can always vent here, this is the one site we have to vent.

      Stay positive, keep going forward, as you have the lovce of your

      children and one day when they are older, they will understand.


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