Sarcoidosis is not an excuse to be a self absorbed jerk.

I'm not sure, exactly, what compelled me to respond to your message.

i am so sorry you are in pain, both physical and mental.

i do believe you made the right choice, however, and hopefully, your husband will snap out of his "it's all about me" mode.

He has been sick for 4 years and you have catered to him the entire time.

He doesn't remember how to give.

Hopefully, he will wake up and realize that he needs to be there for you.

That's not always easy for men in general and especially one who has been pampered for so long.

i wish you good health, and good luck with your surgery, and happiness in your life.

Barb

It's understandable to feel slighted but I have similar situation but Jesus makes the difference as the one who keeps it together. I too have health issues now but communication to him that to always listen about illness is wearing and  ot healthy gor anything.  . Maybe if you offer him to sit w counselor or therapy you can save your family and find renewed joy. God can do this. Don't. Give up hope. Families are so important. I wish you all the best.

This seems to have very little to do with illness, but quite a bit to do with relationship issues. Having a chronic ailment doesn't entitle you to be , quote ' a self-obsessed jerk'. At the same time , being a carer doesn't mean that you have to be a full-time slave or a doormat.

Your husband sounds to have being exploiting your helpful nature. He plays golf? He works out? He is taking the p**s. So pleased that you're getting out now. Go somewhere where you are appreciated and leave him to learn how to be an adult.

I can understand how this all makes you feel. I'm the one who is sick I inject myself every week with chemo. My husband goes to work everyday and comes home and takes care of me. I was going through self pitty for years not knowing when my heart will stop beating due to the sarcodios has infected my whole body. only thing left is the brain stem that hasn't been attacked yet. I've somehow found the strength to get out of bed and start doing things for myself. It's  hard but I just push through it. I am so sorry you were treated so badly. After reading what you wrote has given me an insight as to what my husband has been dealing with. I will NOT ALLOW myself to let him feel as if he doesn't matter anymore. His pain is just as Important as mine. He served in the Army for 21 years as an MP and he has been over sea's more than 8 times during the wars. He has suffered a great deal he fights with PTSD . And all this time I've been all about me. NO MORE!! Thank you for opening my eyes to how our care takers feel. I wish you the best and a happy life where ever it may take you.

Gina

If he's golfing and working out, he should be working to support his family and helping his wife. I  work a full time job and help with the kids and my pain is sometimes unbearable but I can't just lay there and do nothing.  Seems like a bum. No offense. My wife is wonderful and takes care of me when I'm having a bad day and helps me but I try and don't give up.   Good luck

Thank you to everyone who replied to this message. I was really angry and hurt when I wrote it. Mostly hurt to be honest. I have loved and cared for my husband throughout his illness. I was in a Master's program that I loved when he was first diagnosed and I dropped out so I could get a job and be the bread winner and allow him to focus on his health. The last 4 years have been all about getting him and keeping him healthy. The thing is he has turned into someone I don't know. At first I thought it was the prednisone but he has not been on that for years.

I have my surgery last week. My husband didn't come to see me once when I was in hospital. He said that he couldn't risk the germs from the sick people causing a flare. I had a really good cry the second night I was in hospital. I spiked a fever and was feeling like crap. I realized that I was truly alone. He doesn't care about me. His only question to my cardiologist when he went to my pre-op apt was "how long will she be unable to work?". My doctor said about 6 weeks and my husband said asked how bad would it be if I went back sooner.

I am home from the hospital but at a friend's house. My husband and I are officially separated. I know he is worried about finances but I guess he will have to get a job.

I am really sorry that you have not been supported through your illness. Feeling unwell and being dropped off at the emergency by yourself must be a very frightening feeling. When my husband was first diagnosed I poured through support groups and was appalled at the amount of people who felt unsupported by their caregivers. I vowed he would never feel that way. I think that is why it took me so long to realized that I may be taken advantage of. I read that many people feel this is an invisible disease and that it is so frustrating when people don't believe how crummy you feel because you "look good". When he said he couldn't work and couldn't help with the house, kids etc I tried to just support him and work harder. It was when he joined a running group I got mad. I know exercise is important for health but if he can run he can load the dishwasher. I was even fine with him not working although it did put a ton of pressure on me.

His behavior during my health scare though was the last straw. In sickness and in health works both ways. Spending a night in ICU alone!!?? I would never have let that happen to him.

I am a sucker and a doormat and it stops right now.

Good luck to you. I hope your health improves.

I sure hope you find better men to share your lives with. I consider myself very lucky to have such a good wife. I do work 12 hour days but often have bad days. She is currently going to school so that she can get a better job just in case I go down but I will work until I just can't go anymore.  You don't need those guys if they disrespect you by putting your needs and health aside.