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My husband has had sarcoidosis for 4 years. In that time I have been his primary caregiver. He works sporadically health depending so I have been the sole bread winner plus I do everything around the house (kids, laundry, cleaning, groceries) all of it. This is fine and I am happy to do it. At least I was. I am fed up and so so so so so done. Not with being his caregiver but with being made to feel like I am the less important person in our relationship. I know he has a chronic illness and need to take care of himself but he doesn't ever consider how I am doing at all. He is the most important.
About 6 months ago I started to feel very tired and run down. At first I thought it was caregiver fatigue but it just got worse and worse. My husband would get up from the table after dinner and say he is going to bed and I would want to cry. The kitchen was a mess, the kids needed to be put to bed and I was sooooo exhausted. I started to think, when is it my turn? When is he going to notice I am really struggling? He is sick BUT he does golf once a week and does modified work-outs depending on his energy. If he can do that he can put his dishes in the sink.
last month I passed out at work. The world started to spin and my heart was beating so loud it was crazy. I couldn't catch my breath and went down. Got sent to a cardiologist and have a faulty mitral valve. need surgery. Now the exhaustion makes sense. Husband is very concerned.... about HIMSELF!!! Who will look after him? Who will cook his meals? He is sick after all. He has not once shown an ounce of concern for me.
I got up this am and was so tired I could barely get out of bed. My husband is snoring away beside me. I nudged him and asked him if he could help with the kids and breakfast as I was feeling really awful and he got mad. Told me that he needed to take care of his health and I would have to figure it out. My "issues" were not going to put him at risk???
I am now at a friends house. I am leaving his ass.
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