Sarcoidosis will do what I can't. Sarcoidosis will drastically change my lifestyle. No No not me.

Wealth is health I hear. Life didn't really show me the best things in life. The things we live for. The things we would die for. Instead my world is built on lies and constructed of promises. "Ill do it tomorrow." "Tomorrow will be the day." "Little by little" "Chill I got this"

Currently, I tell whoever cares enough to ask that " I am mentally preparing myself for this drastic lifestyle change."

Lets just get to it so I can get some answers and not a counseling session.

32 is the amount of years its taken me to destroy my body.

Other than ear infections as a baby my whole life I have not really ever been sick or badly injured.(knock on some wood for me) Disgusting as it sounds I hated brushing my teeth yet didnt have a cavity until I was 24. I meant to say a mouthful of cavities at 24. Basically the rare instances of when  I get sick it hits me like a Mack truck. Never anything major though. 

My wife and I had our first daughter 6 years ago which is around the same time I had a kidney stone. Went to ER gave me pain meds and went home. Well maybe about 4 years later I got another. Go to ER again looking for that same medicine to take pain away. When doctor was giving it to me he asked if I have any health issues. I say NO. He goes on to tell me that X Rays showed something with my lungs and I need to get it checked out. Had to wait a week until I could get into a check up. Around this time I begin feeling my feet and ankles become sore, swell up and have small pains daily. (More like a tightness in sides of my 6 pack/gut. I think a better way to describe it is whatever I was feeling (lungs?) feels like its dehydrated and dried out. I think nothing of it bc I don't want to and I just. Since I have been a child I have ate like s**t. And lived life my way. Responsible or Taking my health for granted bc I never got sick. 

swell up.  That week I was thinking as most would I guess. I was dying and have a bad case of cancer bc I have smoked ciggs all my life. Drank like a fish. Smoked weed along with anything and everything else that didnt invovle using a needle.  

Well after CT scans I believe I had Doctor comes in and shows me 2 pictures of my lungs. One was from my first kidney stone and other is from new one. I tried to upload photo but it says file is too large. 

Obviously the diff between the two is drastic. Its not cancer the doctor said. If it was cancer you would be dead. Easing my mind. right? To be sure he wanted to do a biopsy. Which we did and confirmed I had Sarcoidosis. I was told to eat healthy and be healthy. Well that isn't in the plan and not apart of my dictionary. Go big or go home and I never went home. I still smoke ciggs telling myself I am quitting everyday. Basically what it boils down to is nothings changed. And my health is showing me this now. I believe I read  research that no one knows where, who, or how Sarcoidosis is obtained. Well I believe I know this million dolllar? Bad habits/ risky decisions. Like clock work if I am making riskayyy decisions I have that feeling of dryness and tihghtness and start flaring up I think. 

So couple days ago I started looking into my disease and read about Bernie Mac and other stories. When I google pictures of other lungs that may look like mine none do. Mine looka a lot worse. This nonstop coughing up flim. This discomfort in  my gut. Where am I stage wise within this disease? Maybe I am overlooking something but everything I have read is about other peoples same experiences with symptoms they have or would have been having. If I am stage 4 am I at a high risk to die? Am I on track to die either way bc of stage 4? I need people to be real and not sugar coat s**t.            

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