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talking

Posted , 7 users are following.

aitchelle
aitchelle

I wonder how many of us talk about our depression, the real true issues laid bare? I did once, I thought I was divulging my secrets to my best friend, it was a huge error, she stopped talking to me immediately after that.

I'm a very private person as it is. That was more than ten years ago. I feel like I want to spill the beans but........

Anyone else experience similar?

1 like, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • deano39
    deano39 aitchelle

    Posted

    It's obvious that person wasn't a true friend and your better off without them, just concentrate on you. All the best. Dean
  • david28533
    david28533 aitchelle

    Posted

    Most folks on this section are discussing mirtazapine withdrawal, and most don't seem to mind putting it all out there. How else do you get help. There are still those who stigmatize depression. And, some are afraid that you are confiding in them so that you will have someone to call when you are down, and they just aren't interested in being a part of your problems. That is kind of blunt, but not everyone is about kindness and helping others.
    • norma72045
      norma72045 david28533

      Posted

      Hi David,how's things going,is it getting any easier.

           I truly hope so.What week you on now?

    • david28533
      david28533 norma72045

      Posted

      Norma, maybe a little better. Today starts week 12. My IBS has been horrible. It was bad enough before this, but now it is almost unbearable. How are you!
    • norma72045
      norma72045 david28533

      Posted

      David The same here,my IBS wasn't as bad before Mirt.

      But I took Roses advise and went back to 15mg,but it hasn't made no difference.  Like you there are days when it's unbearable.

      But just at the moment I'm trying to deal with my hubby's problems, he's had it really rough,anything that can go wrong for him has. He's just been down to our GPs and let off a bit of steam.

      Im on the Prostate forum,and I've been talking to one of your fellow countrymen from the U.S. which has given us a lot of hope and information.

      Still David all we can do is keep positive and plod on.

        All the best to you and your lady wife.xx

  • Calmer
    Calmer aitchelle

    Posted

    Hello Aitchelle

    The "laid bare" I fear can sometimes frighten away the people we consider our friends and that is so very upsetting when we felt close to someone, been there - not nice at all.  It appears that this off-loading is not what some people want - however, truely meaningful, kind folk who are "in touch" with reality and not wanting the material (for instance) things of the world will always be there for you.

    Anyone who has had depression and dropped to earth, like we have, have that in common and have the compassion and meaningfulness that one another truely need.

    On the other hand, if we keep it in, the "secrets" only manifests' itself to further depression and a dark place.  There has to be an outlet don't youu think, that's why its good to have a councilor or therapist as they are impartial.

    Hope this makes sense.  It is out there, it's just finding it. x

    • rich98378
      rich98378 Calmer

      Posted

      Very well put calmer.

      I've had depression on and of for 20 years. Didn't tell anyone for the most part of it. Until recently that is. Now SOME of my friends I have told and they have been fine. I am however on here quiet a bit telling the whole world how I feel. Well the whole patient.info anyway. People who have been through similar things tend to understand more. That's why this site is so good for people like us.

      All the best

      Rich

    • Calmer
      Calmer rich98378

      Posted

      20 years Rich !  You deserve a medal for keeping quiet about it.  There's one thing that's for certain, there are 2 types of friends you can confide in, those who give a damn and come back for more, and those that weren't really there in the first place.  So speaking out is kind of unveiling who's who maybe!

      Actually, like you, I'm quite a private person and I'm quite a good act not letting people know, just the few I "think" can either handle it or can empathise.  Friend of mine who suffers tells no one her stuff, just talks to herself whilst out walking, says it does her the world of good ... maybe we should try that lol !

       

  • norma72045
    norma72045 aitchelle

    Posted

    Hi,I can't add much to the above posts. But the people on this forum have all probley been through all or most of your experiences,so talking on here these are the people that can truly understand how your feeling.

    And just remember you don't know them you can't see them,and they will be the most understanding people you could wish to meet.

    Ive made some great friends on here and I have never seen them.

  • Nettie1705
    Nettie1705 aitchelle

    Posted

    i agree with the comments below, that friend wasn't really a friend and some people just don't know how to express emotion and understanding because they've never really had to.  People who have never really struggled with anything ie school, social environments etc, just haven't built within themselves the ability to really understand or want to understand how tough times can truly affect people. I lost many 'so called friends' and even my own family abandoned me for a while when I was really sick and still don't have many close friends, but those I do have and some come and go in life I value deeply and have now been able to help some others just because I totally get what they are experiencing.  I'm also very private and don't say much to just anyone, I found I had to go onto a gluten free diet also to help with stomach and bowl problems, I think I've obtained celiac disease, but if I haven't I know I can't handle wheat and gluten at the moment anyway.  I'll find out eventually weather it was all the meds I had to take or weather it really is celiac disease, but for now I just know gluten free works best for me, so I'm sticking with it.  Take care folks, do any of you live in Australia or are you all elsewhere in the world...
  • carina71331
    carina71331 aitchelle

    Posted

    A lot of people just dont know what to say to depressed people, lets face it even some Psychaitrists/councellors have not been in our position so how would they know what we feel and how it affects us?, they are playing guessing games with anti depressants in my opinion, my Younger Brother took his own life being on anti depressants in 1998 so I have been reluctant to try any until now.  I have many beanz to spill and hold back as I dont want to feel judged, even my psychaitrist gave me the impression she was cold and I couldnt open up and let it all out. Just keep your beans in your pocket till you find the right person who will really want to hear and help you in any way, wish I could help you so you could offload. x Love and Light to you Aitchelle xx
  • jude65855
    jude65855 aitchelle

    Posted

    I reckon many of us have experienced this:  I've experienced this twice from family members over the last few years.  The first time was from my sister 4 & 1/2 yrs ago, who was supportive for one day immedately after I was raped, but then a few days later thought I should be "over it".  The second time was more recently, when said rapist tried to run me over in the street and cops won't take action because there were no independent witnesses.  I didn't ask my daugher for support, only that she not hassle me because I was feeling fragile:  she did hassle me verbally, I cried and she screamed at me that she's not my support person.   I'm close to crying writing this.  

    I've tried to get counselling about it but can't afford to pay for it on a pension and have almost used up the few free counselling sessions the stingy Australian govt covers.   

    If you can find good counselling you can afford, go for it, but I know from my own experience that it can be difficult or impossible.    

    • david28533
      david28533 jude65855

      Posted

      My goodness lady. You have been raped twice? What kind of people live in the land down under? What is this independant witness stuff? You guys can't report a crime unless there is a third person to act as a witness? I would give you a hug myself if I could. You don't have support groups for victims of violent crimes? Do you have many female police officers? Some times guys just don't get it when it comes to rape, that it is a violent crime no less than any other assault. You folks need to start support groups for different problems, as they are a valuable tool to vent your feelings, and to know that you are not alone. Most churches are open to allow meetings if you approach them in the right way. At least they are in the USA. I am very sorry for you, and that you don't have a family that will stand by you. I don't know what the problem is, but remeber this, there are no unforgiveable crimes in families. I wish you luck in finding a way to deal with this. Take Care, David
    • jude65855
      jude65855 david28533

      Posted

      No, not raped twice, raped once and then nearly run over by same person.  Nothing to do with it being in Australia:  violence against women is worldwide, surely you know that?

      I don't get the independent witness thing either:  when I reported the rape I didn't really expect them to charge him because we'd been in a very brief relationship and of course there weren't any witnesses so it was his word against mine, but the court did give me an intervention order against him, which the cops won't now enforce without witnesses.

      I understand that it's harder to get a conviction without witnesses, but the reason given was that if they took it to court & he wasn't convicted the cops might have to pay his costs!  I pointed out it wasn't coming out of their pockets and surely the government could afford it, but they wouldn't take the risk.  

      I did attend a support group and also one to one counselling after I was raped, and counselling again after the attempt on my life.  Thanks to Women's Liberation activists in the 70's, of which I was one, we do have Centres Against Sexual Assault, government funded but never as much as is needed, which provide free counselling and support groups.

      I wouldn't go near a church about anything like this, to be honest:  what on earth is the "right" way to approach a church whose teachings I don't believe in?   

      Thanks for support, even if I don't agree with you on everythng!

    • norma72045
      norma72045 david28533

      Posted

      Hi David, Just to jump in here,on your last sentence to Jude , Were all supposed to believe family and unconditional love.

      Well my eldest son who is now49yrs old,didn't speak to me for 8yrs over the women he married lies.  We eventually made up him saying I qote

      'draw a line in the sand,and never speak of the past again' which me and my husband did. 7yrs later and he brought the past up again,leading to us not speaking again,and never will. My husband and I have to many health issues to keep arguing with my son.  Now you tell me where his empathy is for his parents.  We love him but we do not like him,and we will never make up again. How much do you have to give without any return.

      I would never have not spoken to my mom and dad even if we did argue from time to time.  

      So no no I do think there is a line you just don't cross even in families.

           I hope your having a better day today.  Take care. Norma 

    • norma72045
      norma72045 jude65855

      Posted

      Jude,I am so sorry for your circumstances. I live in the UK so if we're not happy with one councilor we can just request another ( free) so that's where we're lucky.  

      I had a councilor 2/3yrs ago and she was wonderful,you could off load anything on her and she always had a reasonable answer,at the end of my time with her she wrote up on me and she had read me like a book,I call that a great councilor.   I hope you can get some help and comfort from somewhere or someone,you do really need to release yourself from the agonies you must be feeling.  Please take care and keep talking to us.x

    • jude65855
      jude65855 norma72045

      Posted

      Thanks for yr support Norma.    The counselling I had at CASA was free and very good, the problem is finding ongoing counselling for these issues with my daughter.   We used to be able to have 20 free counselling sessions a year, then it was cut to 12 and now it's 6 with another 4 if your gp signs another referral.    

      I had 6 sessions with a psychologist recently and my daughter finally agreed to do some reconcilitation counselling with me and the counsellor.  However the last time I saw the counsellor before this was to start, she got angry with me because I couldn't stop crying, which is exactly what my daughter does if I'm even the slightest bit stressed, so I decided she wasn't the counsellor for me.

      In earlier sessions I'd already overlooked some new age rubbish she'd come out with, stuff about karma and that I could protect myself from the rapist by writing his name on the piece of paper & putting it in my freezer - absolute garbage inother words.   I told her I didn't believe in either karma or magic & am intending emailing her to say that I think it's totally unprofessional to bring her spritiual beliefs into counselling & to express anger with someone who's crying.

      Most nights I go to bed hoping I won't wake up in the mornng and then I'm disappointed when I have to face another day.  I've already decided taht if I feel another hear tattack comong on I won't call the ambulance.

       

    • norma72045
      norma72045 jude65855

      Posted

      Hi Jude,I'm not no counsellor, but you could say I've lived life.

      when you talk about going to bed and never waking up,I've thought that a few times.  I suffer bad health which gets me down from time to time,ive also had a heart attack,and I get so frustrated at not being able to do what I once could. But my youngest son is so kind and careing the thought of leaving him devestates me,it's what keeps me going,and I think you always need something to live for,oh and of cause my hubby ha ha.

      I don't know how old your daughter is,but maybe she just has a lot to learn,it really upsets me when you have family,but you have no support from them like David said its what we expect but not necessarily what we get.

      I have one younger sister left out of six of us,and we never speak,I also have three sons,and I only really tell my youngest son any of my fears.

      Have you not got any good friends to talk to,what you've been through is going to take a long time to get over,so don't be to hard on yourself or your daughter she just may not understand empathy. 

         Anytime you want to talk Im here for you,PM me if you wish,and remember I don't know you or you know me and we're never likely to meet so it may be easier for you.  But please be kind to yourself and give yourself a treat.x

    • jude65855
      jude65855 norma72045

      Posted

      My daughter is capable of empathy and support for me and others, but when she's in a relationship she hates me.   She once accused me of causing trouble in her relationship when I was living on the other side of the continent!  

      She has finally agreed to go to counselling with me about this issue, which has been going on for decades, but it's taking a lot of organising & in the meantime I'm keeping my distance for fear of being hurt even more.

      She's 43, by the way and an only child with 3 kids of her own ranging from 7 to 24.   I've always been supportive of her through her numerous relationship breakups & financial problems and I don't actually expect her to be supportive any more, just not undermine and attack me verbally when I'm vulnerable - not too much to ask, is it?

       

    • norma72045
      norma72045 jude65855

      Posted

      No Jude, It's not to much to ask. I can see where your coming from when you say she blames you for her relationships. My eldest son who is 49yrs old with two girls with his wife they are 11yrs and 7yrs old,he then has two boys from a previous relationship who are 25yrs and21yrs old and he blames me for them boys not wanting to know him,when he was the one who had affairs with other women when he was with there mother,and he did nothing for them when they were little.

      I didnt speak to him for 8yrs,then we made up and because his boys don't want to know him Im to blame again,so we're back to square one not speaking again.  I just think if your a mum your expected to take the blame for whatever goes wrong in there life.  But my husband and me both suffer now with Ill health ,so now no more we are not speaking again. Like your daughter he can be a very kind man,he once saved my life,but he can also be very selfish,and like you say it depends on his relationship with his now wife.  I feel me and my husband have done the best we can for our boys,but there comes a time when they have to take responsibility for there own actions. But I think all that goes wrong in my two elder boys will always be MOMS falt.   I hope things will change for you Jude,but I give up.

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