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I feel like i'm watching myself go through life without actually living it.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Jackhammer
Jackhammer

Hi.

First post so here goes.

Recently I haven't really felt myself, it's hard to explain but the title above sums it up I think.

My memory, whilst never really been great, is getting worse, I admit that I can't be bothered with DIY, garden, christmas etc. and I have really let slip contact with most of my friends.

My wife has been a star and is super organised which helps me, but it isn't fair on her as she does all the stressing and organising for our kids as well as me and her.

I have had one episode of depression before but I always thought it was a one off.

Any thoughts and thanks in advance?

0 likes, 22 replies

22 Replies

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  • jemimah88932
    jemimah88932 Jackhammer

    Posted

    Hey jackhammer well since your the head of the family with the help of God take control of the situation....you are strong and smart...don let the depression of ur present and past disturb you from looking towards the future of your family especially you're kids....they love you and I bet that hundred percent you do too....think about the happiness you're gonna have with them...so that you won't be bothered by what you feel.....it's like this you wouldn't allow a robber to come in your house.....so don let bad thoughts run in your mind and steal your happiness....let God help you...let him be your guide....you will never regret it....he will never leave you nor forsake....Jesus loves you take care ....how r u doing now??
    • Jackhammer
      Jackhammer jemimah88932

      Posted

      Hi.

      Thanks for that.

      I would like to just stand up and tell myself to get a grip to be thankfull for what I have, and I am. I am a very lucky person to have what I have.

      I just wish I could be the person I want to be but it's hard.

      It is easier to just sit back and not worry about anything and let others make the decisions, but it is not fair......it isn't, but still I just wander through life with my head in the clouds.

      Is this depression or am I just being dramatic?

    • jemimah88932
      jemimah88932 Jackhammer

      Posted

      I think this is more towards depression....and I also think you need a counselor....that might help you get back on track and don't forget God....take care....I hope it all goes well
  • maria_1963
    maria_1963 Jackhammer

    Posted

    That was how i was last Christmas - it crept up without me really noticing - lucky that friends got their parcels in time , this year though i have struggled to deal with life i did get presents for family done and presents sent off to friends well in time . It is good that your wife is there for you - that is important , have you asked her if she feels you are a burden , also i suggest that you both see your doctor - see what he can arrange - find out why this recent outburst was triggered , etc , take care and i am sure others on here will be able to advise you better xx
    • Jackhammer
      Jackhammer maria_1963

      Posted

      Thanks a lot Maria, very kind words.

      I would be lost without my wife, I really would.

      I just wish I could be there for her as she has been for me, but I know I haven't and that hurts.

       

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 Jackhammer

      Posted

      She will understand but i do also appreciate the guilt you feel so you need to have a chat with her tell her that you are feeling bad at lettting her down , one day you may be there for her when she needs you - we don'i know what illness can come to us unawares ,sometimes a relationship is one sided but the balance will come eventually , do though both of you see your doctor so you can see what treatment is availble , i saw a counsellor - didn't work for me but it may well work for you , don't let your feelings eat inside you not when you have a loving partner ( wife ) xx

       

  • jemimah88932
    jemimah88932 Jackhammer

    Posted

    Jackhammer I said what I said because you need to be accountable to somebody
    • krollette66
      krollette66 jemimah88932

      Posted

      God can be a blessing for some and a burden to others...

      We are all accountable but to ourselves . People going through a period of depression need compassion, support and understanding not judgement.

      When we are depressed we are our own worst critics. 

      When life gets tough our best is good enough.

      All the very best

      Jo

    • jemimah88932
      jemimah88932 krollette66

      Posted

      Hey krill eye....pls don say that about God....If u know he is the only one there when everyone can't be....he is the only one who understand what you have been through...that's why sometimes you feel like no one else can comfort you that's because only he can mend the wound made in your heart....he created us....so I can say that 100% the creator will everything about his creation....so the creator will not make sown thing without purpose so each one of us has one....we just have to find it....it won't be easy but it will be worth it
    • jemimah88932
      jemimah88932

      Posted

      Ooooo my goodness sorry that was a typo krollette....I didn't mean to say that....my device uses auto correct I didn't check....sorry again....I hope you understand 
    • krollette66
      krollette66 jemimah88932

      Posted

      I really have a lot of respect for people with a strong faith and show it through thier actions.

      I have a basic belief system that people in General are kind at heart and will help others whenever possibile.

      This site in a way proves that point in that no matter how much we struggle personally we can still reach out to others.

      I am sorry if in my last post I appeared to judge you.

      I just believe sometimes we can create our own heaven and hell. If there is a God he would not stand from a point of compassion not jugement. Have a wonderful Christmas

      Jo

  • Jackhammer
    Jackhammer

    Posted

    I have made an appointment with my GP tonight and I feel a bit better about knowing I can at least let someone else know how I feel.

    I also spoke with my wife and she was supportive but slightly surprised as she said she didn't notice or think I was acting any different.

    This part worries me as now I'm thinking it's me just being me and i'm perhaps just in a lull as i'm always a bit more down in the winter.

    Anyway we will see what happens tonight!

    Thanks for all your supportive words.

     

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 Jackhammer

      Posted

      Well done on sharing with your wife , some people do feel down during the winter - it is known as SAD which your doctor can explain to you , wish you all the best .
    • anne240
      anne240 Jackhammer

      Posted

      So pleased you are going to see a doctor.  Well it is good that your wife was surprised that yoiu are feeling depressed.  Shows that you are not too bad, well not as bad as you think.  So good you can talk to her.  Don't worry, please.  I get a lot lower in the winter.  Quite normal for a lot of people.

      Roll on spring.  Let us know how yoiu are doing.  God bless

  • anne240
    anne240 Jackhammer

    Posted

    Hi there.  Sounds like you could have depression, but as you have had it before, and am on this site, I suspect you think this may be the case.

    Don't be hard on yourself.  I am sure your wife understands, and is helping make things easier for you.  Be kind to yourself.  Talk to your wife about how you are feeling.  Don't bear the burden alone.

    Depression is a lonely place to be, and like you say, you don't feel you are actually living. 

    You have a wonderful family, so hopefully that will help you through this episode.  I am sure your wife understand how you are feeling.

    You take care now.  Hopefully things will improve.

    We here are really supportive, so keep writing to us.  We know how depression feels.

    • Jackhammer
      Jackhammer anne240

      Posted

      Thanks Anne.

      Everyone is so nice on here!

      I am hopefull that I can come out the other end of this a happier person.

      I need to make some changes in my life....like to excercise more as I always feel better but that (like most things) has been put to the side.

      I need to open up to my wife more and share my feelings, something that doesn't really come naturally for me, but i know it's the right thing to do.

      I have to stay positive as I have been through this before and did make it out a happier, more caring and better husband and father.

      My kids are my inspiration and I will not let them down.

      Hey.......I DO feel positive today.

       

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