I feel like i'm watching myself go through life without actually living it.

I seen my Doc and we agreed that one on one counselling is the next step forward.

I really don't want to take medication unless I really have to, so we will see what happens.

There is an 8 week waiting list though so I will have to keep it together until then but I feel more positive now I have at least taken the first step to hopefully getting over this most recent bout.

Many thanks again for your compassion. 

I realsie this is an old post and to be honest I stumbled on this again by accident!

I just wanted to provide an update on my condition, just in case anyone else reads this and it helps them in some small way.

I went to one on one councelling for a number of sessions over a three month period.

Together we chatted about a host of things from home life to work to lack of motivation in everday life and everything in between.

It took a while but it helped me, it helped a lot.

It was the small push in the right direction I needed.

For me a huge part of how I was feeling was down to the lack of looking after myself.

Lack of sleep and almost no physicall activity were the main culprits.

I knew I fell better when I am exercising but actually leaving the house was massive step for me initially as I was stuck in a rut.

I needed to force myself to get out even if it was only once a week to start with, but you have to start somewhere.

I started going to the gym to start with and then after a few weeks added Karate to the list.

I'll not bore you with the details but I would say to anyone going through a depressive episode in their lives to not give in to it.

Fight it.

Deep inside there is the person that once was a happy, smiling and contented person.

It takes time to climb back to the surface but even if it's one fingernail at a time, keep climbing.

It's tough, I know it, but just focus on what's important.

Shed the tears, take comfort in the people you love.

Share the burden if at all possible.

One day, you will awake from this a different person.

Not a hugely different person, but changed.

The struggles will seem ever so slightly smaller than they once were, and they may not go away for a long period of time, but don't think about it over and over.

Look forward...........get out and about................re-connect with friends and be more social in as many ways as you can.

I have now started running 3 times a week I am about half way through my Karate jouney (I will become a Black-Belt) and attend another fitness class every week too.

I am happy (most of the time, we can't expect to be happy 100% of the time), I am enjoying the time I spend with my Wife and kids and am generally a more content person.

I lost my Mum at the end of last year and I often thought it would be the catalyst for my spiral down into the depths again, but I didn't allow it to happen.

It was the toughest period in my entire life and I came through it.

You can too.

Keep fighting people!