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Just need a bit of love

Posted , 4 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

Been having a very up and down week. Some days start ok, then go down hill. Self harmed twice this week got drunk the other night to forget. Thoughts of dieing won't go away and I'm watching my son's marraige go down the pan. Got face to face appointment with occupational health on Monday and supposedly planning to start return to work. Life is absolute S***. I just want to run and hide and hope it all goes away. I am just a complete failure, pathetic, useless waste of space. What is the point of life?

1 like, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • thomast
    thomast tina89895

    Posted

    Google self compassion on Amazon books and order a book !

    Stop drinking now!

    Stop saying bad things anout yourself now!

    Join a gym now

    You need to get over yourself the hard way and stop acting as if theres no cure. Ur writing your own drama?

    Did it help? No!

    So do the above instead ! Now!

    • tina89895
      tina89895 thomast

      Posted

      Just typed a reply and lost it.

      joined a gym last year still visit twice a week, but find it hard now due to acid reflux but still go even though I don't enjoy it so much.

      I havebeen trying to be positive been out for a walk today, going to the cinema tomorrow but I just keep getting knocked back down,

      i don't drink every day, i attend all my various appointments take the medication i'm just tired of keep on going.

      Sorry if I can't stop thinking and saying bad things about myself but that is how I feel at the moment.

    • thomast
      thomast tina89895

      Posted

      Look.

      Life is long. Trust me you will have plenty of bad moments in it. Thats life. Accept your bad feelings, no one can be happy every year. Medication gets you thinking " i take my medication and still i feel bad". Of course you do: it was not the abscence of it that you were missing. Keep going to the gym. Not because it ought to make you feel bettet but because it is good!

      Pat yourself on the back for going there for three years. And now find what you are missing in life.

    • thomast
      thomast tina89895

      Posted

      Also get a book about mindfullness.

      And stop conflicting: embrace gym more: quit all drinking.

      Go health nuts and find some meetup group for health nutters etc etc

      Dont expect solutions life is hard. Keep on

    • tina89895
      tina89895 thomast

      Posted

      I am really struggling at the moment, I can't seem to be positive that is what my cpn and myself are working on to try and get me to understand and  get in touch with my emotions and feelings and turn them around. 

      i can see what is suppose to be done but putting it into practice is what I am finding really hard. 

      I know what I am missing in life-----my late husband, companion, lover best friend, life is so lonely and no point anymore. 

    • tina89895
      tina89895 thomast

      Posted

      You make it all sound so easy but when you can't be motivated, be social  it is very difficult.
    • thomast
      thomast tina89895

      Posted

      I said life is hard. Not easy smile Being positive can be a trap. Im not that positive.

      But life is a whole lot more to than you or me.

      I dont think you should sum up life as pointless ever.

      Cause reality is what you think and you said it feels so.

      You helped anyone else here on the forum by suggesting ways to feel better? Focus less on your pain.

    • andrew74543
      andrew74543 thomast

      Posted

      I agree with what you say Thomast, times I've found myself in a slump where I have no positivity I just forced myself to get out, go to a gym, read, see friends, anything to keep myself busy. When I'm depressed, Discipline is the best cure. I know how you feel in some ways though Tina, I get the whole what's the point of life thing, I'm up and down a lot and when your down its so hard to think of anything good, but just try your hardest to remember you positives, they will be there. Also I understand what you mean about putting thing into practice, it's easy to read advice or information and think yeah that's a good idea but so much harder actually making things happen or changing the way you think.

      Hope your doing ok

  • lily65668
    lily65668 tina89895

    Posted

    And you've got it, Tina. Tough love is still love. Listen to Thomas T. Lots of us have been here before you, including me. But you're the only one who can really help you. Input from your doctor or your mental health team can help a lot, and short-term medication can be useful. But I'm afraid you have to do most of the work yourself. That's a lesson learned by everyone who's come through mental health problems.

    Your son is an adult. Lots of marriages go down the pan. This isn't in any way your fault and there was nothing you could have done about it so don't beat yourself up. This isn't your drama, it's his and he'll cope with it in his own way. But you can still be there for him, by trying to stay as unemotional as possible.

    No one is ever a complete failure. We don't know the rules of the Universe, that's all. We all have our part to play, however tiny.

    Go to the meeting with occupational health with an open mind. You've told us before (on other boards on this forum) that you're a civil servant. Thank your lucky stars for that. You can't be fired without a pension. Many of us who worked in the private sector didn't have that protection. Just think - maybe you'd be better off without all the stresses of the job? Time to think, to find your own path?

    I'm sending you love. I think Thomas is too, in his own way. But the most important thing is to learn to love yourself.

     

  • thomast
    thomast tina89895

    Posted

    Yes that is the idea! Fighting spirit is still love smile

    I am in a slump myself but I have to get by, with work, with prairs, with friends, whatever I can do.

    Just don't seek ultimate final solutions, that will fix things here and then. Small steps often take longer but they are still steps.

    What are we if we stop trying?

    Keep trying!

  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Well I have been busy, attended my occupational health appointment, I frightened the Dr because I came across very aggressive but I felt scared and couldn't flight so I had my fight head on plus i'd never met him before so i didn't trust him but he was very understanding. Anyway I have started back at work on a phased return. I am attending the programme I have been put on with my cpn to try and get me to understand and sort out my feeling and emotions, being referred to a psycologist due to the likely hood of having bpd so try and get to the bottom of my irrational, unsafe and risky behaviour. i have booked a ticket to Rod stewart concert for next year. I have been out all day trying to be sociable and now sitting in front of the fire feeling sad, lost and lonely yet again. 

    So I am trying oh yes plus reducing my medication mirtazapine as they all keep saying it isn't doing me any good, I'm on week 4 so far no noticable withdrawel effects fingers crossed.

    • thomast
      thomast tina89895

      Posted

      Thats great! Sadness comes and goes and the steps are one by one but every little helps!!!

       smile

    • lily65668
      lily65668 tina89895

      Posted

      That's good news Tina. Especially the Rod Stewart concert - I fancied him 40 years ago and still fancy him now!cheesygrin

      Take it slowly, and don't get too down if you still go through the occasional bad patch.

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