Posted , 6 users are following.

Why does life hurt so much?

Things are so hard ive had enough

Why can't things just be ok, normal, without any pain?

Im Physically and Mentally drained!

Feel lost, too many tears ive cried

Cut so much the blood runs dry!

Taking meds that no longer help me

Wish I could tell the doctors, wish I could make them see

That nothing helps, that i'm a lost cause

Lost all trace of the girl I was before

What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

Been down every route yet still getting nowhere!

Own worst enemy don't deserve anyone to help me

Maybe this is my life and how it's meant to be?

0 likes, 8 replies

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    No Dondons,

    your'e not a lost cause. No one on this forum has to be. You joined us here for a reason. You need to be able to talk, and at least you can talk to people here. 

    I have cut myself, taken meds that are rubbish, cried and cried, and done things I'm ashamed of and have had bad consequences for me and my family.

    But I feel that I come through it, even though I still feel really depressed for some of most days.  I just feel lucky for the little times I can enjoy which are silly things like hugging my lovely cat, enjoying a cup of tea, made very carefully in the way only I know I like it - watching Question Time, and listening to some of the people on it talking sense about us having a more just society, and thinking - yes there may be hope still at some point.

    Please dont give up. Just dont give up.

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  • Posted

    It's not easy or much help to know that others have gone through the same as you're feeling.  I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago - independent, going on exotic holidays, able to walk reasonable distances, able to make decisions, got pleasure from so many things.  Now I have a crutch and a stick and agitated clinical depression.  Some days my head gets so scrambled that I can retAin nothing.  I used to be a Principal Teacher of IT with 8 members of staff and 8 computer rooms, yet couldn't cope with my new phones on Monday, nor last week work out how to get the glass casing off my new Dyson.  I can't now make my own bed.  A year ago, I had 4 weeks in Mexico.  Now I have problems getting out of the house.  People sympathise with the crutch as I have Parkinsonism and they see the crutch but most don't appreciate the agitation, anxiety and depression and many think that after 6 months I should have pulled myself together, whereas, of the two, the latter is much harder to deal with.  It's now that you'll find out who your real friends are in terms of support.

    you could ask for a second opinion, which I did, in terms of the psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse.  The mets have been changed yet again, but they are paying more attention.  Previously, I got a combination of Mirtazapine and Sertraline which caused me to black out for 9 hours.  I live alone and phoned Community Health and was told to go for a walk and keep busy.  I ended up in a Medical Assessment Unit in hospital and they were appalled that this was the advice given as I'd broken a rib, had a black eye, two broken teeth and bruises on my face and neck.

    some days life is hellish and all I want to do is not to waken up or keep my head u der the duvet.   At least when I was on the Mirtazapine, I did sleep, but within a week the dose was cut from 45 mg to zero and put on something else to "pep" me up which has made memory agitated.

    there's no easy answer but during the night, I think of others, such as you in similar circumstances.  It doesn't help all that much but at Least if I keep telling ,yield, I'm not the only one in this state, it helps a little


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  • Posted

    Stop  you are worth more than that believe me. are you on meds at the moment? if so which ones and how much per day, what sort of help is your doctor giving,
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  • Posted

    hi dondon how are you to day my friend ? you can beat this believe in your self ! you are getting so much good advice on here please keep up the tablets and or anything else you find helps ! take care david
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  • Posted

    Thank you all for your replies, sorry had a horrible night last night, hard to keep having hope, feel like I'm doing everything I can and should, excepting and trying all the help im being offered but things are still the same, although I realise im a lot to blame for that because of the way I am, i can't talk to people I clam up and end up a nervous wreck. The crisis team have been to see me this morning and have more meds now so guess have to just see I get on with them, I now have 100mg quetiapine, 50mg trazodone, 7.5mg zopiclone and 25mg tablets of promethazine although was told these are often used as a antihistamine? Has anyone taken these for anxiety/depression?

    Thank you again for your replies

    Donna xx

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    • Posted

      hi don don glad to see you getting the help you deserve ! i use quetiapine 2 x a day including at night ! they were intended to stop my crying so much they do help just that im having a bad patch just now but i think its next month i see my phyciatrist but hes really good that if i need advice i can usually get hold of him ! regarding the zopiclone try not.to take them for to long as they are very addictive but do work just can make you. drowsy the next day ! i wish you all the best let me know how you get on david x
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  • Posted

    Hello again

    I am so pleased you have sought help believe me i know its hard i have been at the hospital just this morning due to a change in medication from  seroxat to mirtazapine it seems my doctor forgot to take me of seroxat slowly indeed i ask my self. anyway enough about me  how are you feeling now and apart from tablets have you thought about doing a daily diary? i am about to start one and its a good way to record what happens each day and how you deal with it and not forgetting the valuable support from people like me and others who know how you must feel please keep intouch.

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