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You're ok. You love your kids. Don't worry about the rest right now. Just know you love them and you're doing the best you can.

We're not horrible people, this depression tells us that. I think the same right now. How could anyone look at me and not be horrified. I can't do anything right and I have the audacity to walk around, and eat food, and have kids like I'm a human that deserves any of it. I don't. I get what you're feeling.

Who says you are not a good mum?   How do you define a good mother?   How do you know what everyone thinks of you?  Do they all tell you?  Or is it that you assume they are thinking bad things about you?   Maybe they just see a nice lady who is struggling?   You are saying that you don't care what people think and then saying you do.  

What horrible things do you do?  Do you attack people,  do you hit them,  do you spread vicious lies about them?  Are you abusive?   The perfect mother doesn't exist - she is made up by the media.   It's like the media's idea about Christmas.  You see a lovely warm big house with loving people inside it having a wonderful time.  Whereas the reality is they live in a flat or grotty house,  they all argue and the turkey is burnt.   That's life and not fantasy.  

Staying in bed isn't horrible,  nor is drinking alcohol,  nor trying to kill yourself.  What is awful though is you contemplating leaving your kiddies without a mother.   For not making the attempt to get better and listen to any advice we give.   For being determined that you are this awful person.  Don't you realise those are depression thoughts and not reality?   I wish someone had told me this years ago.  I worked it out for myself.   You are having the benefit of our experience but you just persist in calling yourself names which aren't real.  

No is perfect in life so why do you expect yourself to be?   There is nothing wrong in being selfish sometimes - that is because you are human like the rest of us.  Join the human race and accept you are not perfect.   x

I feel your pain and I wish I could make it go away.  Your love is enough for your children. Love is the most important thing we can give to our children.  They need you. Fight for yourself for you and for them.  Take one step at a time, eventually you'll be out of the abyss.  Sending you a big hug!