..been depressed for a long time now, but it's getting worse.

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Hello, so I started getting depressed when I was 15, after my dad's death. I coped with it for a few years. At 21 it hit me again. I was on meds for a few weeks, but I stopped taking them cuz of work. I felt fine again for a few more years. 4 years ago I had my second daughter. And after that i started changing again...but I've noticed it's been getting worse... I think it's been like 3 years since my grandma passed away too. That hit me hard. And I guess I haven't really gotten over that. In 2016, I finally told my husband to take me to see a doc. He was skeptic about how I was feeling. He thought I could get over it again with no meds. I noticed myself feeling worse and worse. At first I started sleeping a lot. I didn't have much energy anymore. I became suicidal. Felt hopeless, useless, worthless, unwanted, and a burden. I still do. I managed to make it through the year. I was good again for like 5 months. And then it hit again... last year. I felt out of it, felt like a zombie most of the time. Didn't want to go out. And I didn't even wanna play with my kids... it's like I was consumed with this depression. I felt like I couldn't escape. Finally, I went to the doc in November. They got me in meds. I felt okay the first month. But a few weeks ago, I just wanted to die... I was having issues, I feel like I can't take it anymore... I decided to take the rest of my meds...it was over 30 pills. I tried to commit suicide...but it didn't work... I know I might try it again.... I don't know what to do... I don't wanna feel like this. I need help.... 

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  • Posted

    Hi ana12140

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    Your story is too familiar ana12140,  I have just been to Dr's again today as 2 nights ago I was ready to leave this world.  Had it not been for my poor, devoted dog just staring at me I wouldn't be here 😢  I have changed meds again as it was those that had the side effects of suicidal thoughts, palpitations,  tremors etc etc. 

    Please go back to your Dr , don't give up.  Don't listen to anyone around you who have doubts, they are NOT living your life.   Even with the best will in the world no one knows the true meaning of depression and it's affect on you unless you've gone through it yourself. Xxx

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  • Posted

    Please please ana don’t do it I know how you feel, I do, my pain & sadness is too much at times that very thought runs through my head too but we have children that do need us. Please please be strong I know you are or you wouldn’t keep going but keep going you must. It is not the answer the answer is to find ourselves again, relearn how to be happy again to find joy in our lives, it’s there but just clouded because of our thoughts, the thoughts are cruel & most of the time not feel. Fight back darling take baby steps you can do it. Wishing & praying all that is good for you x 

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  • Posted

    Hi Ana. I am so very sorry that your pain and the depression has pulled you down to this level! But I am thankful that you lived through the attempt. 

    Ana while reading your writings, I noticed that you seem to have a major bout with depression for sure after each major life event...the birth of one of your daughters..the death of your grandma..the death of your father. And each occasion seemed to take more and more out of you leading up to the big event that could have cost you your life. Thank God it did not. 

    It seems to me that a huge part of your depression might be that you haven't grieved all these people that you loved so much. Does any of this fit?

    Have you seen a therapist? Have you stayed in therapy long enough to work on underlying issues. Would you consider getting into grief counseling. 

    I met a doctor once and he started having trouble with his heart so he went to a cardiologist who was also a friend. The doctor told him he could help him with his heart temporarily but he would not get well until he grieved his father who had passed away 7 years prior. 

    Grief does not go away and can come back at some very inconvenient times and ways. 

    What do you think?

    Diane

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  • Posted

    Hi sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.  Can you see a different doctor?  I usually find female ones more sympathetic and helpful.  Tell your doctor what you have told us and ask for a review of your meds.  They might need upping or even changing. I had to try 2 others before I found sertraline which helps me a lot.

    I think counselling could help you as well so ask about that.  I hope you are feeling a lot better soon take care. x

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    • Posted

      Right on Hypercat!! Listen to this woman she is smart..knowledgeable and has life experiences to go along with it. 

      Hey Hypercat. So happy to see you out here with your mighty wisdom. 

      Diane 

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  • Posted

    Ana Hupercat is very wise I think you might do well to take her advice. I do. Diane 
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