(Depression/Anxiety) Connection to reality.

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Hey there I'm Phil and I'm 21 y.o and am constantly worrying about my path in life and also being disconnected from reality. Ever since high school and grade school I was always that friend that was joked around with, made fun of but in a playful way. However those "playful jokes" hurt me deep down inside. Now if no one is making fun of me, I do it to myself and my peers go along with it. I hate the feeling of it but I don't know how to communicate at times without throwing in a painful joke at myself or just joking in general. Granted I should seperate myself from them, I don't know how to deal with all those feelings/loses. Whenever I'm in social interactions and I have a completely different perspective of a certain situation, some of the individuals give me a weird look like neutraland I get very discouraged and often haze up on my explanation of the topic. I often feel like I'm never going to find a partner as well, for some reason I see past all of the personality traits of people and only care about their beauty on the outside and their actions. My family and I are currently having some problems, from my mother drinking almost every night to my dad and his stage 4 copd. I don't really know how to cope with my parents because we always have different opinions and always butt heads. I sometimes feel like I'm the parent because they have such a conservative lifestyle and open their mind to new ways of life all the time. I hate having that feeling over my head. Often I feel I'm stupid and not smart enough for anything so I stick myself in my man cave and only go out if its with my one great friends to these autocross events or if its to hang out at his place. I can't even bring myself to get outside go down to the bank (3 minutes away) and ask how much I could possibly get for a loan. I always want the best for everyone and always am very blunt and try to be helpfu but it always backfires. I used to text people all the time and now I have no one to talk to. I miss having that one person I can talk to about anything, share my life with him/her and rather than judging me, lift me up, I have internet friends but they aren't the same. This is turning into a rant and I don't think the page has a high enough character limit for all of the problems I have soaked up in my head. From my reasonable POV Its my body taking a lot of change at once, and not knowing how to deal with it. Anyones .02 is appreciated I feel like I'm going crazy or am holding on to the last strings that I have before I go nuts.

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  • Posted

    Hey Phil

    I'm 24.  I understand what you are saying my dad's like that. He's sarcastic and blunt he says things in a playful way but I know he means it. Those friends of yours are not your real friends. They're being mean. I would get it if its just one of them because everyone has a different personality. But if all of them do that sounds like they're being bullys. Dont take that. Defend yourself and be blunt and sarcastic. Start making mean comments at them too. Lolsmile Im a bad influence. I'm like you too I sometimes say things and it only backfires. But my problem is that I can't explain myself right. When I say something it comes out wrong. Then think I offended them. sad Anyways you're young. Dont live your life with regret. Dont stay at home. Go to the park and jog. Go fishing. Idk whatever it is you like to do.👍smile I feel disconnected to reality too. Let me explain myself more. Im always in my head. Its like a trance I do it most of the time. I'm just thinking and thinking. I can't sleep at night because my mind won't stop. I get too many thoughts I over think everything it drives me crazy. I live in my mind most of the time. It's like a escape. Maybe you meant something else but this is what I meant by it. I stay at home too. I don't go outside anymore. The sun hurts my eyes I hate being outside I like staying indoors. Dont think negative about yourself. Be positive change those thoughts. My mind drives me crazy I'm always doubting myself and everything else. I decided to not give a ..... About it. When a negative thought crosses your mind say, "I don't care." I know it sounds cheesy but that helps me sometimes. I guess I got tired of caring. Anyways hope you feel better and get out of your mancave. smile Start living. 

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    • Posted

      Thats exactly how I am, I can explain things better in my head and on computer/paper rather than I can in person speaking to someone. However sometimes there will be the short burst of adrenaline or whatever it is and ill be filled with p**s and vinegar talking and chatting it up with everyone on the street ya know? I just had a roadtrip with my friend and I enjoyed it so much but I was so lathargic on the way up and with his family/going out into town. I wasn't able to empathize with them at all however if it was just my friend his girlfriend and him playing video games or even hanging out outside everything was fine. I always speak my mind no matter the situation (sometimes gets me in trouble) haha. People also tell me I'm a pretty attractive dude and I dont see it at all. I see a potato with ears lmao and whenever I do recieve compliments, it's hard to accept them and also maintain i contact. Which is another reason people get turned off as i converse with them. How do I start living when my main fear at the moment is looking like an idiot which btw happens a lot lmao.

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    • Posted

      Hey Phil 

      Lolsmile Yeah I understand what you mean I feel like that too. That's why I don't talk to anyone. I guess it's our Anxiety /Depression that makes us feel this way. I'm attractive too but I doubt myself sometimes. It's my GAD though. It drives me crazy. I'd rather not say anything than make a fool of myself. So I come off as rude to people. I'm not but sometimes it's better that way. I get what you mean. It's our mind making us doubt ourselves. You won't make a fool of yourself. If you do don't worry about it time will pass by they will forget about it. Lmao smile

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    • Posted

      Start accepting the compliments you're attractive.👍Just say, "I know." Lol it's better for them to know you're aware of your good looks. I speak my mind too it always gets me into trouble. Only with my family though.smile Some things are easier said than done. I know living your life is hard when you have these struggles. I do too. But try. It's hard for me too. Worrying too much about things is bad. If you fall get back up. For instance. If I say something and make a fool of myself I will beat myself up for it later on. I won't stop thinking about it. What I should do is distract myself. We all make mistakes, fall, say foolish things, make fools of ourselves. We are  only human. Just remember time will pass by and they won't remember what happened. Everyone has had those moments.👍When embarrassed act like you're not. smile 

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    • Posted

      I speak my mind to everyone lmao. I treat everyone with respect until they wrong me. I have no remorse for random people who p**s me off lolol my family is different, I get very angry at the situation but I do apologize. And it's not like I dont appreciate the things they have and are currently doing for me. Some of things they say are just so abusrd or irrational. I guess it might just a generation thing? lol I'm also very modest when it comes to someone calling me attractive or anything. I literally say "WHAT?" which is an example of conversations backfiring/catching someone off guard. I'm trying to be better about it but its hard since my confidence is below the ground. I know I have a strong personality I just feel like I'm in a haze thats covering my true emotions. 

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    • Posted

      You sound just like me. I get angry but always apologize to my family afterwards. I treat everyone with respect but if someone attacks me in any way. I mean with words I will defend myself and talk back. If some stranger p*sses me off I give them a piece of my mind. LolsmileIt only has happened twice and it was justified. Im usually very impulsive I say things I don't mean when I'm mad. My problem is I get uncomfortable when someone compliments me I just wish they hadn't don that. It's just makes me want to avoid them afterwards. I understand your confidence is below the ground that's what depression does to us. Well, anxiety too it makes us overanalyze everything. Self Doubt ourselves. You can gain confidence in yourself. It's possible.👍Tell yourself affirmations,  get therapy, exercise, take a self defense class, etc. 

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    • Posted

      I want to go to the gym but that goes back to the whole bank loan thing. Theres a gym in the same area as the bank. And as for therapy, I'm a very strong believer in homeotherapy. Just me being me and trying to figure myself out. Like you said I'm young. However I'm starting to think that this whole figure myself out thing isn't working too well. I'm trying... it's hard and thank you for the talk. I appreciate it. This is the first time I'm posting on a forum about my problems/feelings and I feel really greatful someone took the time to talk to me. Any other POV would be much appreciated. I just don't wanna feel like im crazy lmao.

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    • Posted

       No problem Phil I'm glad to help. I have the same issue you are having. You are not crazy.🙌Never think that about yourself. If you want to go to the gym ask a friend to go with you. The first time just so you can get comfortable. Exposure therapy would help you. I would say take a small step at a time. Try going to the gym and try to relax. If you feel you can't do it go back home everything will be alright. Next day try to go again I would advise you to ask someone to go with you but if they can't you can do it by yourself. You mentioned you only go out if your friend goes with you. Ask a friend, fam member etc. Avoiding a situation will  only make it worse I'm talking from experience. sadYou will only inhibit yourself in your house. It's like being in your own prison. You don't want that. Dont waste your youth try to get better. Small steps at a time until you can accomplish it. Interesting you mentioned homeotherapy I've only heard it one other time in this forum. Anything that can help you is worth giving it a try.👍smile

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