"If you want to find your purpose in life, find your wound" has anyone been able to do this?

Hi Julie ~

I believe it's an interesting one as well.  Can you elaborate on anything you can add to this discussion?  Everyone is welcome!

hi its very deep! my wound was my childhood i was taught to shut up and put up! so this is a difficult one for me i was a lovely little girl who wanted to care for others! 

Hi Julie ~

Because of what you experienced is why you shutter to open up.  You are a grown woman now and no one can hurt you, assuming you don't allow them to.

Sometimes a release of what has hurt us in the past can actually heal us and make us even a better person.  I hope you can open up and share your wounds.  I will share mine, now.

While a child, small enough to be lifted onto a changing table.  I was molested by my father.  This went on and on until the age of 14.  I, at that time, sat up and said to my father, if you touch me one more time, I will tell everyone, everyone on you and I wasn't whispering.  He was frightened as he always thought I was sleeping soundly when he entered my room.  I was until he started.  I kept pretending I was asleep as I was so frightened as to what would happen if I awoke.  He had a sickness and that sickness was alcohol.  He was an alcoholic.  He died from complications from this disease but I was abled to forgive him so I could forgive myself and heal.  He was "wided-eyed" open when I told him I knew what he did to me all those years.  I was angry and disappointed as he made me self worth to probably close to nothing.  His friends ALL knew he had 4 sons but while at my one brother's wedding, I was already 28 with one child, his friends came up to me and introduced themselves and I introduced myself back and they were SHOCKED that they never knew my father had a daughter.  This  happened more than one time with more than one person.  Yes, I was his dirty little secret, that was apparent.  I was flummoxed when all this went down and I did cry for days.  How dare him.  How dare he make me feel less than.  Why?  I was told I was such a lovely little girl with long blonde hair that curled because my mother took great care to curl it.  I loved that.  I believe my mother knew of his molesting me because at one point, she became violent with me.  I could expect daily a beating from her.  I'd come home from school (even in high school) and I'd tip-toe around because anything "ticked" her off when it came to me.  If I didn't say "hi" the right tone, she'd find that a reason to beat me (and with anything she found around the home, a belt, a brush anything, she broke many brushes on me.  The beatings were always to my torso so the bruised wouldn't be seen.  One night, I had had enough of her tyrants.  I grabbed her wrist and told her if she layed a hand on me EVER again, I'd do something that I would regret and she most likely would have to explain.  I would report her.  It was around age 18, I had enough of the pain I was enduring from both parents that I told them I needed help.  I was contemplating ending my life.  They both ran to me with "great" concern.  I say "great" in quotes because I knew that the only concern was that if I did go to therapy, they would be found out.  They did whatever they could to pursue me to not go to therapy.  When older and married, I did fall.  I fell so hard and didn't stop crying  for days.  It was after having my second child.  I was in my thirties by then.  My oldest was almost 7 at that time.  I started to change my feelings towards her and immediately I told myself, I WILL NOT ALLOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AFFECT MY CHILDREN.  I will not hit them for anything.  I will not "spank" them for anything unless they are in grave danger, ie: running out in the street for a ball w/o even looking...that is what a therapist told many adults one night at a meeting.  Only spank your child (and lightly) if they are in great danger and they don't listen to you..also, to allow them to have the messiest room ever if that's what they want.  After all, it's their part of the home that belongs to them.  It may smell, yes.  But it's their mess.  Perhaps, if you have a child that you want to make them straighten their room, help them.  Afterwards, take a picture of that room and pin it to the wall/poster anything.  When you ask them to straighten their room as their weekly chore, you can refer to the picture as exactly how you would like it to be at the end of their cleaning.  That makes is clear to them how you expect their "chores" to be when completed.

Okay, I'm off the subject, but not entirely because the messy rooms while I was a child was always an issue.  My mother would put notes in bold words:  CLEAN THIS POOR ROOM!  She never did that to my 4 brothers and they all shared a room so you can imagine all the stinky messes they had...all were in hockey, football, baseball etc.  I wanted to be a dancer but they couldn't "afford" that for me.  Huh? all that hockey equipment alone was terribly expensive.  My classes were like $25 for 8 weeks (and that was a good deal) plus a leotard and shoes...done and over.  They continued "favors" of my brother's being allowed to play football, hockey and baseball with the expenses of all the uniforms and equiptment...far exceeded my mere costs for dance.  My father even stated, why don't you try playing hockey?

~continued~

Play hockey, me?  Are you kidding me?  I'm not a hockey player and I don't like that kind of pain.  I want to be a ballerina.  I was small in stature so it was fitting.  I ended up joining a dance class while in high school because it was a course they had added to their althetic dept.  I was pretty good, too.  At my dance recital that was our final card marking, I worked and worked to perfection for this dance.  All my family was invited.  None came.  Yes, I was so very disappointed but what could I do?  I guess, I started drinking while a senior in high school.  I met a boyfriend that I knew my parents wouldn't like, but I didn't care, nor did they, come to find out.  I had my angels watching over me all that time as I stopped "hurting myself" because I was given insight that my parents had the problem, it wasn't me.  I cried out for help before my daughters would fall prey to what my parents did to me.  I NEVER, ever abused either one of them, they were my life, my loves and still are.

 It was through all this pain that I was able to find some meaning with my life.  I was able to give and give of myself to help others.  I started on a committee that was in it's infancy stage and we started raising funds which allowed our city to build the finest in the state, hospice hospital.  It's still standing in fact they just built on 36 more rooms.  I'm proud of that feat!  I'm proud of how my daugthers turned out, both very responsible people with loving hearts.  I found my pain, thus my purpose was revealed.

Good luck to all,

Frustrated

wow im so sorry this happen to you! my childhood wasnt as bad as this but i felt invisable like my feelings werent important even now if people ignore me i find it difficult and tell my self they may be busy! i hate it when people dont give me eye contact when theres a few people talking and im there! i find that hard, i was raped vilated as a person last year he didnt just rape me spiked my drink he viloted me as a friend a human being! monster! i have had councilling for this and dont think about it often i now go to groups to build my self up and doing great. but there i met a young girl who thought of me as a mother , i have two sons who have done well in life i dont want to be a mother but i wanted to help her and she viloated me i see her most days and find her draining! im angry with her but she is young as knows no better so trying to keep my distance from her! which is hard but im learning! i am looking into training to work for victims support to help others who have been abused which i know im not ready yet but very close to being ready my mother drinks my sister thinks im to sensitive . i was a easy target as a child as i had no back up like my sister had she had her father and me! so mum directed her bad life onto me! seems so unfare we suffered this way 

But what doesn't kill you makes us stronger, right?  The fight to become stronger is a difficult one but it can happen.  When you wrote that this young girl violated you, may I ask what she did?  Did she betray a trust or something like that?  

I have a good friend that needed some help as she was alone and an only child.  Her mother was a drunk and her father abusive but instead of dealing with them, she took it out on her husband (let me tell you he had issues of control which my friend hated).  So with talking to her about my issues, we both bonded.  However, she didn't betray my trust in any way but she was very draining.  I would be at work and she'd call "just for a min, she'd say" and 10 mins later, I'm almost crying to get her off the phone as work isn't a place to discuss these problems.  My boss caught on and came in and announced she needed me immediately in her office.  Even telling my friend this she'd say "ok...wait one more quick thing"  I finally said as politely as possible, look, I'm going to get fired if I don't go into this meeting my boss just called me into...and hung up.

This is a mistreatment of someone trying to help and care for a friend.  Because of that incident, we have sadly fallen apart.  Wishing one day she'd see that I had no other choice, but for now, she doesn't fall for  that and told me so.  It's been over 10 years now and she's still standing strong that she felt I betrayed her by hanging up on her in her time of need.  Geesh what we don't do to help others even if we're going to pay big time.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about you and your family situation.  That's sad when you always back up your sister and she doesn't percipitate.  Can you talk to her about this and tell her you two are the only two that should have one another's back, even with regards to your mom.  Your mother is a grown woman and I'm sure has friends and family but you and your sister, you're all you have as far as backing one another against your mother's abuse.  I hope you and your sister come together as one soon.  Nothing like seeing two sisters like best friends!

Thank you for answering this post.  I also thank you for sharing your experience.  I'm sorry you had to go through what and are still going through with regards to a friend(?) violating you?  That's so sad.

I hope you find your solace soon and seems like you've started as your already moving on to look into training to help others.  Kudos to you!!

Warm regards,

Frustrated

my mother as no one i chose to walk away i see her my sister also betrayed me i asked my sister not to tell my mother i was raped as i knew she would make me feel worse. i then felt strong enuff to tell my mum and she knew what makes it worse is my mother didnt contact me to see how i was .. discusting behaviour, the young girl had a friend who was sucidal and i was involved later to find out they faked it to get her sectioned. i was there for the young girl . this as an effect on me as i had never witnessed anyone wanted to kill them selfs she didnt it was for some reason im not sure what! money maybe i dont know. i was at the centre were we go and i was drained and this young girl wasnt intrested in my feeling so in the end i opened up to the professional and was called into a meeting with this young girl i was so emotional drained she over powered me and told lies then when i was stronger i spoke with the professional who was in the meeting and told her everything in what i witnessed she was shocked and said julie i didnt know and that i could win a mental we learn how to hide things. as i didnt want to hurt her in the meeting ( young girl) her child as been taken away from her now and she wanted me on friday she said shes sorry she wasnt there for me what rubbish what sort of person would say that when they have just lost there child that day strange behaviour , i will keep moving forward till i get to were i want to be . a saying i like is to let yourself go down with a sinking ship is betraying all the help you could give to those that truly deserve it . well done you have done brilliant we cant let them drag us down. julie 

So true, Julie, so true, We cannot allow them to drag us down with their ship.  That is so not compassionate of this girl. I'm sorry she lost her child but in the end, isn't it better for that child to be away from a person such as her mother?

I'm happy you tried to help her but strong enough to walk away.  Kudos again!  And the Kudos award for today goes to  ~~~~~~~ yes, that's right! Julie!

Warmly,

Frustrated

yes i witnessed her behaviour with her little girl , its the best thing for her daughter till shes sorted out if that happens her friends are all sinking ships.. my job is done with her . thanks for the kudos? what ever that is :-)

To gain kudos is to earn respect and recognition.

kudos:

This is a term that one uses to acknowledge A Job Well Done

 Kudos are best awarded only during Instant Messenger Conversations or, if not during an IM Session, then, as you are retrospectively writing about Some Event; you'd have to admit, it would be rather strange & inappropriate to give out Kudos right in the middle of a Face-to-Face Conversation that you're having.. ..with another Human Being.)

 

:-) like it cheers for the kudos ! im in uk never heard of them lol

But Doc ~~~I'm thinking you missed the point.  It's the purpose for US.  not the universe...for you and everyone else.  But to get to that purpose, one must find their wound.  Everyone has one.  Either being picked on while growing up, being a bully yourself, abused, etc...but one must dig deep within to find this wound and accept it and possibly forgive.  Then and only then will you know what you were put here for.

So, not the universe, but us as humans.

Frustrated xX

But Doc ~~~I'm thinking you missed the point.  It's the purpose for US.  not the universe...for you and everyone else.  But to get to that purpose, one must find their wound.  Everyone has one.  Either being picked on while growing up, being a bully yourself, abused, etc...but one must dig deep within to find this wound and accept it and possibly forgive.  Then and only then will you know what you were put here for.

So, not the universe, but us as humans.

Frustrated xX

Yeeeeess frustrated. You have your answer implied in the last sentence of your main paragraph.

 

The second law of thromodynamics is a partial explanation of how this universe is running down. Let us suppose this universe were to continue for several more billion years it would come to the point where the last active atom came to a halt. The whole universe would have reached absolute zero and be in absolute darkness. The mass of the entire universe would be zero. There would be no one to observe this. There would be no meaning, no purpose. Our kindnesses would be meaningless as if they had never been. Our wickednesses would be meaningless. They too as if they had never been. All the we might have had was relative meaning but without any eternal significance and so ultimately meaningless.

 

I should find that very depressing were I to believe it to be true. But I do not. Now I come to eternal significance and meaning of our acts of kindness and our acts of wickedness. I come to your last sentence. It is the eternal being who put us here that gives meaning and significance to what we do. In my view he sets the rules and judges the actions of the moral creatures he created (mankind). He it is who gives us meaning and significance and not ourselves. If, as King Soloman set out in his book to his son, we do not look beyond what is observable under the sun then all that we see is meaningless.

 

Having that point clear in our minds and looking beyond the sun and indeed this universe to the eternal creator of it, then we can see the true worth and significance of all that is seen and takes place under the sun. Our moral acts then have eternal, that is real significance.

 

What do you think?

 

Doc

Hi Doc ~~~

I am still not getting any notifications on my personal email stating that I had anyone reply to any discussions etc...therefore, I've been on here like a wild animal seeking out whatever it is that is making me "fit" in.  I hate this!

With regards to your reply post, it's enlightening and eye opening.  A different look at things and from another's perspective.  I can appreciate that.  And also, I appreciate your post as it is loaded with good information and allows the mind to continue to think on!

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend and will talk soon <3

xx frustrated oo xx="" frustrated="">

xx frustrated oo>

Hi Frustrated,

No I am still getting the notifications that should have been addressed to you. You will just have to check from time to time. There is a PM waiting for you. Emis replied to us both but I think the system only advises one person and I got the advice. Emis is chasing up the developers. So perhaps on Monday we will have the system working properly again.

The weekend is already going well. thank you. My greeting is already in my PM. Doc

Monday here, still no notifications.  I'm wondering why you're getting my notifications and i'm not getting anything.  I'll notify Emis once again and see if he's able to get to the bottom of this.

Frustrated 

<3>

Yes Frustrated, it seems odd. Computers are good at doing the same thing again anda again and again. The lack of uniformity is puzzling. But users have no means of investigating  logic errors in the system design logic and coding integrety. 

Doc