Posted , 3 users are following.
Well my name is wez - I want to make it aware i am sorry for any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes it might look a mess but i hope you understand .
It started alone time ago i used to be scared of a lot of situations then i kept telling my self i think i have anxiety , time goes by and i physically have mental anxiety and social anxiety .
Other things , a friend got stabbed and died in my past and i witnessed it , i used to grow up to an abusive step father abusing my mother and such so i am not sure if this can play a part in why i am how i am to this day
Also i USED to take drugs with friend when i was younger , Pills , speed and sometimes cocaine and cannabis
Now I only smoke cannabis , Some people may say cannabiss is the problem but no it started way before i smoked cannabis and when i smoke cannabis it actually helps my body relax and me relax mentally sometimes i will go into deep thoughts but its happy thought and not worrying about the anxiety part of it , i enjoy playing games online with friends
I don't have friend where i live any more well i do but anxiety pushed me away and i can't get my self to meet people anymore and such
I have better friends online than i will every do in real life tbh
i always think something bad is going to happen , I picture things in my head like of worst case scenarios , when my mother goes out i always feel as if shes going to end up in a accident and then i will be lost forever but the weird thing is my brain like pictures things if i make sense ,I hate it why does my brain do this , i am fully aware of whats going on and know i have bad anxiety so i am not going crazy as when i say picturing things you should know what i am trying to mean by saying that hopefully ,
I can't talk to people as i will feel embarrassed for no reason and i really don't know how to have conversations as i just feel stupid talking to people , even my own mum and brothers i feel stupid when i talk to them
Thoughts are constantly running wild in my head like always thinking someone is talking about me or thinking about me even looking at me then i will start to go lightheaded and stuff my brain will feel heavy but i think that due to worrying so much and thinking to much about one situation .
I basically live my life in my bedroom but the thing is i enjoy it because its where i feel most comfortable , where i know problems and feeling won't occur .
I was on citalopram for ages and then i told my doctor was not doing anything
also before i explain , i used to get the feeling of adrenaline constantly through my chest as i breathed in and out daily and every minute .
So the doctor changed my meds and put me on sertraline 50 mg and i am now on 100 mg and they work i think , i hardly have the adrenaline in my chest any more only occasionally
I also had the feeling of my heart sinking into my chest and causing bursts of adrenaline throughout my body and mentally its hard and physically due to it makes you so ALERT of the situation .
So she also put me on Propranolol 40 mg 3 x a day
I was taking them and then i started feeling my pulse in my arm like not painful but annoying it was beating but i felt it beating on the back of my wrist , so i stopped them my self without telling the doctor ( i know now you should not do this )
One day all of a sudden ( this has never happened to me )
I stood up and i think i felt a sharpy pain in my chest like some one tapped on my chest and my heart just all of a sudden rapidly was beating i felt it in my chest and i started sweating and me panicing did not help the situation , I ran into my brothers room and said ring ambulance and i was holding my chest , he phoned and he said i looked pale as it was happening , by the time they got to my house whatever had happened had calmed down meaning the heart but i was uncontrollablly shaking when they arrived and my right arm was very i guess heavy and weak , they checked me and said everything seem fine then i went to the hospital to get checked they put me on the things where they stick things on your body a couple of times and they did an xray because i always felt the feeling of being stuffed or my stomache was pushing into my ribs and causing alot of problems pain and such and they said everything looks fine .
I went home and i was okay i was trying to relax every now and again i got the feeling of it was going to happen again like my chest dropping and i breathed and relax my self but it was so hard to go through , I slept for a week like woke up went back asleep , i felt dead
This part is hard to explain the feeling
all the way through this i was having the feeling of my heart popping and a small feeling of excitment like when your on a ride and its about to drop that feeling you get as you go down
Another way to explain it feels like a thud in my chest and i actually feel it thud and its very hard for me to deal with , i learn to cope but its annoying and very frustrating and worrying when it happens , so i went down and told my mum i need to sort it out and go to the doctor , I explained everything to her as best as i could as i find it hard to explain things or i feel as if i don't explain things correctly and i get frustrated when trying to explain things or work something out
i went back and she put me back on propranolol as she checked my heart rate and it was 120 relaxed so i went back on them and after a while my heart rate was 80 etc so they was working along with the sertraline
Now i am on sertraline and propranolol 40 mg x1 a day ( i can take 3 but i choose not to ) Sertraline is 1x a day 100mg
I take them both around 7 pm because i have problems with sleep and its mostly the time i wake up due to not getting asleep until 10 am etc
But lately i have been getting the feeling of a thud in my chest , its not as bad as when i come of propranolol my self
But i am always waiting for it to happen again because i know it will , it happens i would say 10 times a day sometimes bursts of small thuds in the space of 10 minutes but not 1 second apart it could be 20 or 1 minute apart
And when it happens i am alert and worry about it its the only thing in my life atm that is causing me problems in my life ,
I go out to the shop and i sweat and i feel the thud happening as i am walking
In most places sometimes i get very hot it will be freezing but i will feel like heat is trying to burst out of my head and i sweat not badly but a small amount like on my forehead and such .
I walk downstairs and come back up and i am not exactly out of breath but its like i am struggling to breath i need to relax my self to feel normal again almost like the adrenaline that has started due to me rushing down stairs and breathing is mixing and causing me to feel as if its hard to get my breath back
I actually checked my heart rate and such last night
SYSTOLIC = 120
DIASTOLIC = 71
Pulse = 82
apparently my blood pressure is okay from a chart i seen its in ideal blood pressure can any one confirm this please
I need answers or some one who feels these things that has anxiety badly
I go to my doctors and because i have been in the waiting room and mentally in my brain i am having an anxiety attack thinking overloading by the time i go into the doctor room , my brain is heavy and hazey and feel confused like and forget most things i was going to say because i have over thought it before hand i guess ?
I have been offered therapy , counciling but again most of my problems worsen when i meet people and when i am speaking to people like i am always thinking something is going to go wrong and i am going to make a fool out of my self and because i have thought this so many times its basically a thing now i can't help but think these things so i avoid situations that worsen my anxiety half of the time i feel like i want to curl up in a ball and just cry and shout because its hard to deal with very hard to deal with anxiety .
the most important thing i want from this discussion is some one to talk to and like settle my brain so i know i am not the only one out here that is going through this
And an explanation of the THUD feeling in my chest i guess its my heart sometimes it in the middle of my chest sometimes its furthur down its so weird
Oh i also always feel bloated and like uncomfturble in my stomach area and under my ribs and always feel the need to burp , sorry i might of already stated this above but i have just wrote this out from my mind trying my best to explain
Any one that helps thanks you in advanced
AGAIN SORRY FOR GRAMMAR MISTAKES AND SPELLING ONES ALSO .
Wez . <3>3>
0 likes, 4 replies