12 Steps - could it be an option?

TSM is the way forward and C3Foundation with the videos and descriptions. Like you, I was not convinced about the 12" Steps and God although I am not an atheist. I am a believer but simply stopped and 5 years ago as you might remember😀

We are with you all the way! Be honest with yourself, family and us and I think you will reach your goal.. Robin

Try them and see.  At the end of the day, there is no one way to recovery - what works best is usually the one that suits the person the most.  We are all individuals, all unique and can all find a way that suits us best.

I was in AA for over 10 years and I did the Steps numerous times.  Lo and behold, there was no awakening for me. I was stuck in a cycle of sobriety and relapse, there was no relief for me.  But that doesn't mean they won't work for you.

According to the founders of AA, the Steps ARE the program, which are explained in the Big Book and the 12 x 12 book.  Based on my experience, it could be difficult for you to find someone who has done the steps themselves and will sponsor you, without attending the meetings too.  Usually, someone in AA who is comfortably sober and has worked the steps will suggest to you that you do the process exactly as they did, because that is what worked for them.  If you asked them to sponsor you, I think they would expect you to do the program complete with the meetings as they would likely consider the meetings to be useful (otherwise why would they still be attending?).

For me, I think the reason that the steps didn't work for me was because I honestly didn't believe that I was a morally or spiritually weak.  The Steps are all about accepting the powerlessness over alcohol and then working a daily program that will free you up from the cravings or need to drink.  If that works for you, brilliant.  If not, then move on.

But yeah, try whatever you feel comfortable with.  If something doesn't work after you have give it a good go, then move on and try something else.  Don't let anyone tell you that there is only one path to recovery.

I think it's possible to find something bigger than alcohol that can give life new meaning.

?But I have no idea what that could be except for something 'religious'.

?I'm a lapsed atheist and have always known that the twelve steps would never have worked for me. To misquote the comedian Doug Stanhope, if I need to find something that is more powerful than myself then I've already found it. It's alcohol.

?Which is why I've nailed my colours to the 'alcoholism is an illness and can be treated with medicine' tree. 

?Another reason I've gone down this path is because in 2015 I had a booze free year. It seems I grew a new liver but I didn't grow a new brain. After one year I thought I'd have a glass of wine with a meal for old times sake and three years later I was drinking three bottles a day. So it's 'chemical castration' from now on!

Hi Sadie,

sorry to hear your predicament, but a lot of us have been there and the replies so far will give you a lot of good advice and food for thought, so here’s my tuppence worth!

i was drinking heavily for 20 years. The last 10 years, I’d be drinking a 4 pack of cider before going to work at 6am, then pub for 3 pints at lunch, home to the pub, bed and repeat all week. I ended up with a liver transplant, not due to cirrhosis (which I did have), but a serious infection when I broke a leg. The cirrhosis reduced my immune system and therefore I couldn’t fight the infection and it killed my kidneys, liver and I lost the leg.

i went to my GP and was told to gradually reduc the amount I drank over a 3 week period as at that level of intake, cold turkey quitting could give withdrawal shock and kill me outright.

The first thing you should really do, and I know it’s difficult, is tell your family the problem and the true extent. It is pointless hiding it and to be brutally honest, they will find out one way or another. Plus, no matter what, you’ll find they will be of greater use to your recovery knowing everything. I’m guessing you will be feeling ashamed admitting it, as we all do, but there is nothing to be ashamed of at all. You are admitting an illness, not something like you’ve murdered someone. Do NOT be ashamed, we all have a weakness of one thing or another, albeit alcohol, right down to being addicted to a TV programme. Before I carry on, I’ve been dry for 9 years now.

I did go to AA for a couple of years but did not complete the 12 steps. I utilised those steps that were going to keep me sober, the first and most crucial being “admit we are powerless against alcohol. The second step is about the higher power that can restore us to sanity. This is where you seem to have a bit of a conflict by what you posted. However, you need to know that the higher power does not necessarily have to be God. I can’t tell you what it should be, that’s your decision, but it does not have to be a religious thing. I’m not sure I ever decided what my higher power is.

You don’t have to believe in god or become religious to join AA. The only criteria for membership is that you want to stop drinking and keep sober. Anyway, the higher power aside, number 4 is ASL very important.....a moral inventory of yourself. Try to find all the things you do wrong, maybe you’re snappy with people, maybe you are racist (not saying you are at all, these are just examples), so try to recognise your faults and work on them.

anyway, I would suggest that:

1. You open up to family and friends. They will only support you and not think any less of you. If anything they will see you as stronger for admitting a problem and 99.9 times out of 100 will do anything to help.

2. Get to the doctors, not only for blood tests to see where you are at, but they will discuss quitting tactics as well and tell you what services are on offer. Above all, be honest about how much you drink as that is critical to your quit plan. You may need to carry on drinking and taper it down gradually, as I mentioned earlier, withdrawal shock can cause your body to shut down if you are drinking large amounts daily.

3. Look up AA meetings in your area and go to one. You do not have to speak...I think I didn’t chip in at mine until the 3rd week. Just listen and get a feel for things. Everybody in that room is in the same boat as you with the same goal, getting and staying dry. Nobody will look down on you or judge you, it is a room full of equals.

Having a sponsor will help, someone you can turn to when you have those moments of temptation, to discuss different thoughts and approaches with. You do NOT have to be a sponsor yourself as it may be a pressure you could do without. Generally a sponsor will be a more experienced quitter who has been dry for a few years. Not always, but the majority of the time.

Heck, if you are serious about quitting, I’ll even offer to be your sponsor, honestly, it’s about time I offered my knowledge and experience to others.

so, enough of my (hopefully helpful) rambling for the time being, so be determined, be strong and above all open up to family and be 100% honest. That’s your start point.

When I realised I was into it too deep, I called my mum and just said “mum, I need help, I’m an alcoholic’ and that was it.

if you need anything, private message me and I’ll gladly go through anything you need.

hope this helps and all the best for quitting. It’s a new life awaiting you, believe me, and as I said I’ll gladly sponsor you to begin with if you need.

M.x

Take Matt,s advice! What a sponsor he could be with you. He knows how you are feeling and perhaps better than you realise. He managed to stop and9 years ago😃

The other thing I forgot to mention is there are different types of AA meetings. There are ones where people just share and support each other, there are ones which take the 12 steps as a bible and discuss them at length, and others. I found the in depth 12 steps too much myself. It is a very good theory to practice, but as I said, I just took the few I needed. I went to the support type meetings as the 12 step specific ones got too deep for me. I’m STILL stuck on step 9, making amends. My ex from college (20 years ago) won’t talk to me so I can’t get my apology out for the way I treated her (not physical.....just avoiding her for weeks, not turning up to meet when arranged etc. Etc.)

The main one is number 1. Admit we are powerless against the drink.