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15 years after lumber puncture n still suffering and at the end of my tether

Posted , 4 users are following.

Dave1987
Dave1987

hi everyone this is my first online post about my back problems since it started in 2002 when i was 15 and was tested for suspected meningitis which came back clear but at a cost of any future i had planned.

Before this i was in school but i played rugby league for a small under 16s team in my spare time n played right hooker due to my speed n stamina and was on my way to get a trial with saints (st helens) rugby league under 18s but before i got that trial and not long before my 16th i came out in a red rash over my face neck n upper chest which didnt disappear after pressed with glass so i was sent to whiston hospial in st helens Merseyside.

Thats when i got told i needed a LP to check n test but dispite laying on my side knees to my chest it took 3 stabs b4 he hit fluid but before this i got shooting stab pains in my lower back n down my left leg n since then i now get random sharp shooting pains if i turn my body to look left or right if i bend over for long periods my lower spine stiffens and ceases up to where i cant stand straight i have to walk hunched over like an old man and if i continue to bend over move lift anything or even lean forward and cough to hard will cause my L3 or L4 disk to slip instantly dropping me to the floor in temporary paralysis or il cough and automatically tense my lower back muscles sending me in to a multi stabbing cramp which feels like my back is bending to far back also when i sit down i need a pillow at the base of my back to keep it from curving forward as i sit n lean forward and mainly my left foot tingles n goes numb within minutes of sittting

ive had an mri done n the surgeon said my L3 or L4 disk is crumbling and nothing can be done nor was the LP the cause for this ( even tho since tha day my back has never been the same but you tell me im wrong) and after 3 suicide attempts in the past few years to name afew due to my depression since i was 18 which become major depressive disorder at 26.

Now im 30 i have anxiety and panic attacks due to a violent past my back is no better and im depressed and dont enjoy life or find it rewarding its boring im on mirtazapine,duloxetine,hydroxyzine hydrochloride,gabapentin,diazepam and nitrazepam yet dispite this im gettin fed up of living and repeating the same day agen and agen and this is my last shout for help as living with this for years with no answers and no end or help insight (other than pills or suicide dispite me trying both on more than 1 occasion) and i cant keep doin this :-(

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Patient
    Patient Dave1987

    Posted

    Hi Dave1987

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

  • Carolineq8
    Carolineq8 Dave1987

    Posted

    Dave it's sound like you've been through hell,  please take the advice from the previous comment and reach out to a friend, family member or Samaritans as there is help out there and you should not be suffering on your own. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE speak to someone, anyone.

    As regards to your back issues go back to your GP and ask to be referred to a pain clinic if your not already under one, they will help sort your meds out as some of these could be adding to your depression, I would also explain how your pain is affecting your mental health so they sit up and take you seriously. You've reached out on here so you've made the first steps to getting help, please speak to someone today you can't do this on your own😊

  • Laura3333
    Laura3333 Dave1987

    Posted

    Hi Dave, Having had a similar experience myself with repeated tries of a junior radiologist to do a myelogram, and having spinal fluid leaking for ages down my back, the worst I ended up with was a terrible headache that went on for days.

    My back issues are different, and having suffered for thirty odd years I can totally sympathise with what you are going through.

    The constant pain and restricted movement are difficult to live with.

    May I suggest you go back to your gp, and tell him what you have just put on here. If that's hard for you, maybe you could print it out, or write it and give it to him to read.

    Maybe you could request a consultation with a neurologist also, as a lot of your issues seem to be nerve related.

    Either way, there are other options, i.e. Disc replacement or fusion.

    Like your last consultant, I think it's unlikely to be related to the LP. But you do need to  be referred to someone,who can give you more support and help.

    Life is always worth living, it's just that you can't see that at the moment due to the depressed state you are in.

    Please go back to your doctor.

  • ltaylor777
    ltaylor777 Dave1987

    Posted

    Dave, I definitely know the way you are feeling.  It feels as though you just live each day to suffer so what’s the point.  The thing is suicide is never the answer.  There are days that I pray that death will take me but I would never do anything to cause it.  I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t.  I have exhausted every option that I have and now with the prescription regulations getting stricter it is making it more difficult for people like us to just get through each day.  I have even tried medical marijuana and I just don’t get how people say that it helps the pain.  That is the nastiest stuff I have ever tried and it actually made the pain worse.  Anyway, I hope this finds you still making it through another day.  I really do wish I knew what to say, that I had the answer to stop the pain but I don’t.  I try to think of what I could say to myself that would make my day better and the sad reality is when you have nothing but pain in your life it removes all happiness which leaves nothing but sadness.  I just remember how much  I love my family and then I just live each day for them.  That is how I get through.  Good luck to you.  O

     

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