19 years old and feeling like i have endometrial cancer

hi. i don't think anyone is going to read this.

so, i've been worried for a while but honestly i was so depressed i couldn't seek medical help. i've been having a weird discharge for at least a year now and it has worsened. at first, it was just some clear discharge with light brown spotting that never stopped and sometimes turned clear watery with jelly-like bits, then it started looking like chocolate milk (i'm sorry i can't describe it any other way) and now it looks like i'm having my period but i don't think i am because it's not much blood and i don't feel any pain like my usual periods that are very painful, but it does have some blood clots that look like endometrial tissue from a period. my periods have always been irregular and i did have weird discharge before but it went away after some time. that's the reason i ignored it in the first place, but this time it didn't stop. i'm not diagnosed but i'm aware i might have pcos because of my acne and irregular periods, that being said, i don't have issues with body hair and i'm very slim so it's probably not a common case. i'm aware pcos raises the chance for endometrial cancer but i didn't know this before i started having the symptoms so i never cared that much and didn't seek treatment. i have very weird and painful periods and i didn't know the reason, but now i feel stupid for not caring about my health. i've had my last period in january and it was very painful i couldn't walk for at least two days. i'm used to bleeding a lot and i'm used to the pain. i thought my whole life would be like this, and then everything happened. i'm only 19 and i've been depressed and can't get out of bed because i think i have endometrial cancer. i've lost 24 pounds in two years and i'm not sure i gained any weight after trying to eat more. i don't look very underweight but as a tall girl, i know i am. when the symptoms started i had rectal pain sometimes and the right side of my pelvis would hurt too. it's like a stabbing or stinging pain that lasts nothing more than three seconds, but i've been noticing this pain a lot more lately. i usually had this pain before my period started and i'd have rectal cramps whenever i had my period too, now i'm not sure the pain is really there or if i'm making it up somehow. at this moment i do not feel any pain, i'm bleeding like a light period with very dark red blood but no pain anywhere. before this bleeding started i had some days of pain on the right side of my pelvis that felt like shocks and would also come and go in seconds along with the vaginal and rectal pain i'm used to, it stopped right when the bleeding started. i do not feel tired or dizzy and my apetite is just fine when i'm not feeling depressed, that's when i can't get up to eat, shower, brush my teeth or even use the bathroom. when i go, everything looks normal except for the discharge or bleeding, i don't have any pain. i've had this kind of bleeding like two times years ago and i assumed it was just a painless period, i'm just not sure this one is too. i'm sorry for the long post but i really needed to vent because i feel like i neglected my health and my family never cared about it that much either. i honestly don't know how i'm not dead yet, but doing my research i noticed this is a cancer that grows slowly. i feel like a long time went by and i'm scared i'll get very bad news, but i'm not ignoring this issue anymore. i'll either die from it or die from sadness, at this point i don't know any other path because i ignored it for too long and i'm sure it had time to spread. i'm not mentally strong enough to go through treatment and i don't believe i deserve to overcome it. even if i did, i'm too young and i'm not sure i can live peacefully even if the cancer is under control. it feels like i've been giving up on my life for a while. it's fine if no one reads this, i just really needed to vent.

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