2 hours of sleep a night for neally 3 months...i want to lill myself now.

Well John, we've all done things we can't fix - and not just at work. Whatever you did it can't have been all that bad as you still seem to be going to work. I always think that going around feeling guilty is a bit of a cop-out that prevents me from owning what I did. Better to look it in the eye, whatever it is, and admit: "Yes, I did that and I shouldn't have" (or I didn't do it and I should have, depending on the case). That way, I find I can accept my guilt, make reparations if possible (though it often isn't possible) and move on, having hopefully learned my lesson.

If you can't do this, have you considered seeing a doctor and asking whether you can be referred to a therapist? CBT might be a good option for someone like you. Whatever your doctor suggests, it sounds as if you need some kind of help to get through this difficult period. And you need to see a doctor anyway since you're now having physical problems as well - i.e. knots in your stomach and weight loss.

You say you now have a weak bladder. I'm wondering whether that appears to have started since your sleeping problem. I'm only asking because when I used to have trouble sleeping as a young woman, many years ago, I invariably got the same problem with my bladder. But it wasn't a real weakness, it was just because I was more aware of it while lying awake.

Please try and see past this, rather than letting it define the rest of your life. Making mistakes is part of what makes us human. It's also part of growing up emotionally (however old we might be) and makes us more forgiving of the shortcomings of others. But we need to forgive ourselves first.

Hi John.  soooo sorry to hear you're so upset. it sounds awful for u. i know how one feels on 2 or zero hrs sleep. none ofn your organs/systems are getting rest & repair time.  this is vital to the body. 

 john, can u ask your Doctor to have your vitamin B12 & Folate levels checked. your symtoms point in the direction of b12 & folate deficiencies.   the 'guilt' may well have been, the 'straw that broke the camels back' so to speak, causing assault on  vulnerable organs/systems.  we now know the interconnectedness between the body & mind and V.V. symptoms on the physical plane can cause problems on the psychological plane like insomnia.  also, there's no shame on needing to have something to help you sleep, so in the meantime explain to your Doc that for now u need the zopiclone. it's a very low dose.   think your GP (if in the UK)  needs to do a full  blood check. meantime, have a look at the 'HealthUnlocked' website in the Pernicous Anaemia (PAS) section to compare your symptoms. 

C 

I share your problem with insomnia.

I have just been in hospital for four nights.  I slept on the first night because I had consumed a fair amount of alcohol, but absolutely none on the next three nights.

My insomnia started with a series of negative life events in summer 2013.  I would lie awake al-night and did so for about 14 nights in a row (I was in Prague).

Thankfully, my GP took pity on my plight and prescribed Temazepam, then switching between Zolpidem and Zopiclone (to avoid tolerance).  I also tried Melatonin, though with mixed results.

I have continued on them ever since, and they generally work quie well.  They're not ideal as there's nothng like falling asleep naturally as I used to do with little trouble.  But, if you really can't sleep, the sleep drugs are a necessary substitute.

You helped me. 

John I was wondering how youre doing now.