2 weeks in... Does it get worse before it gets better? Help'

Thanks for always being here to reply to me. I see most people's posts get tons of replies and I never seem to get many... I worry I'm annoying even the people on here...

I know I need to work up the Zoloft and likely the Klonopin as well. I'm now prescribed 0.5mg a day instead of 0.25mg a day. I've been splitting the 0.5 into 2 doses a day but the 0.25 is so small it never really has any effect. I would like to take 1mg a day (0.5 twice a day) and up my Zoloft to 150mg a day and eventually 200mg.

I'm going to try and contact my doctor as soon as possible but I'm scared because it's Friday and I'll have to get through the weekend. I'm just stressed out. My parents aren't helping. Now that I just finished college they are projecting so many expectations onto me like getting a 'real job.' It's insulting to me. I just finished with straight A's like can't I take a breather please? I don't even walk in graduation until May and they already are telling me how I need to live. I have a job. No it isn't the best paying job but I have a job. I'm stressed to the max as it is and now I feel like I'm failing when in reality I just finished school 3 weeks ago and I don't even have my diploma for another 4 months...

Sorry. I vented a bit. I have a wonderful partner with whom we are about to celebrate a year of being committed to each other next month and he fully supports me and reassures me that my anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc are not REAL. It's all in my head and it's just my illness; it's not the real me. I tried to get in contact with a therapist but the wait list is insane here. Right now I just have my family physician and luckily he can prescribe me the Zoloft and Klonopin as he has been doing the past month now.

I have to remind myself it's only nearing the end of the second full week on these medications and I'm not even at my desired goal doses yet... The mountain is just harder to climb these past few days and I can't put on a finger on why that is. Is this just the rollercoaster of starting Zoloft?

Ty, we ARE alike! I often wonder if my response is helping the person I am addressing to directly and/or if it's annoying the addressee and everyone else reading it. But then I remind myself, we are people and not perfect. We can only try, that's it, so I try.

It's not you or me - people are just busy and sometimes they missed seeing your post or they already connected with someone else. But all it takes is one, right?  And I am glad we connected.

And again, we are alike in that my parents were exactly the same as yours, always stressing the importance of education, a job, livelihood, moving up and up in the world when really, I was just trying to make it day by day without killing myself  - surviving. Unlike you, I couldn't even tell my parents my illness at the time, let alone how severe it was. But like you, I had an incredible boyfriend then who later became my husband (not my current husband). And, to give you a bit of hope, it had taken years if not decades but my parents NOW have finally accepted my illness even though they were somewhat responsible for this attack. But this time, my dad said, "Get back on your med and don't get off." Goodness, what I would have given to hear that when I was in college or all those subsequent years in between. And so, please try to remind yourself that your parents try and they will come around, a little at a time. 

Congrats on the job! But I hope you don't have start your job soon, since starting a new job is very stressful and the most important thing now is for you to heal and return to your old self, and you need time for this. If you are scheduled to start soon, you can always ask them for a couple more months due to personal reason. Please do not start work if you are going thru this, as stress will not help in the recovery process. I am working now when I really want to quit my job - I came to this realization when a week or so ago when my boss said I did a great job in 2016 and he recommended I get a raise, I felt my heart dropped and more stressed. Instead of being happy like I normally would before this attack in Nov, I only politely thanked him. My job  is something still up in the air, but I just noticed that I am more stressful making thru each day at work whenever I go thru this, and it doesn't help that I work in the financial industry. Enough about me, back to you.

Your partner is a very good person to be so understanding. This illness puts a strain on ALL relationships, so remind yourself nobody is perfect and all we can do is try. 

I hate to give you the truth, but buckle in for next 2 - 3 weeks - I always think this is what Hell on earth must be like - because it will get worst before it gets better. But you can do this. You got thru it once before, you can and will get thru this again. Muster all your strength, distract yourself as much as you can (I unfortunately couldn't, couldnt watch any tv or movies whenever I go thru this although I love movies!), stay away from stressful people or situations, try to eat healthy (I couldn't but forced down milk), exercise if you could and sleep or try to sleep or rest. Go easy on yourself, don't expect overnight results. Nov 19 I got back on, several points in time suicidal, numb can't cry when I felt myself crying inside, all terrible side effects you could imagine, but I reminded myself that it will get better, that it worked in the past, and so, stay strong...read if you can or write. Remember, for at least 2 months you are marking time so Zoloft can do its thing, then you can live again after two months. 

You can can write to me anytime. 

Xx, servant