2 weeks tommorow

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And life has already changed drastically.

I have done Christmas shopping, visited friends and family.

​Run many errands.

​Been to many Drs appointments.

​Ate and PREPARED many meals.  I remember in the first week, not being able to eat AT ALL.

​There is still left over doubt and pain in the family. And I expect it...but it is still frustrating.  People expect that I will be drunk at or BY Christmas.  I was last year...and I let a lot of people down.  So they are all apprehensive about the plans that we have.  I get angry...but I guess I can't blame them.

​I have a lingering stomach issue which is either damage to my digestive tract or worse yet...pancreas!  The Drs are investigating the problem now. I have taken tests and waiting the results. 

​But I know as long as I don't drink...my stomach should improve.

​My mood has already improved quite a bit.

​I have been called upon a couple of times in the past week for some minor emergencies...and I have been AVAILABLE. It feels good when my 70 year old mother calls and in a round about way says she NEEDS me to come over because my father was lifting things and doing things he shouldn't be doing at 76.  I was able to run right over there last night.  If I were drunk NO...I wouldn't even answer the phone call.

​Theres good and bad points to being sober.  The bad is feeling the guilt, remorse, pain and feelings as things come up.  But the good outweighs the bad in a BIG way.

​And I had to be up today at 6am for a responsibility..I have not seen this hour in MANY years...and especially never when I was drinking..unless it was to grab a beer to stop the shakes and go back to sleep sad

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20 Replies

  • Posted

    The scariest thing about this alcoholic condition IS...I can say all that good stuff at 6am...and at 6pm be drunk as a skunk....depending on how I handle the day.  SO...I have to remember over and over....the week of withdrawals...and hopefully that memory keeps me on the sober path.

    ​I just don't want anyone to think....that once things are going GOOD...that it means everything is going to be OK forever. Staying sober is a conscious effort everyday...and almost every hour sometimes.

    ​Watch out for the H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.  These are all very dangerous to sobriety and should be handled quickly (as soon as the awareness comes that one of these feelings is occurring).

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  • Posted

    I am so very, very please for you Misssy2, you should be feeling very proud.

    If only I had your strength.

    Pat xxx

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    • Posted

      You do have the strength patricia...just have to believe in yourself.

      ​You are worth living a healthier life...a happier life...I know for me...I had to try and stop beating myself UP about the past and building my self up to believe there would be a FUTURE. If only I would stop drinking.

      You CAN do it patricia.

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  • Posted

    Well done, Missy, and thank you for continuing to share your experiences to encourage us all. I always found the HALT thing is very helpful.
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  • Posted

    Totally impressive Missy!! you are on the right track and we know that you will not drink next week and your family will be impressed! keep going. you can do it!! Robin
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    • Posted

      Yes, Robin there are people around me holding thier breath wondering if I will be sober this holiday.  Last holiday I was in a stupor and not only missed events...that I PLANNED...but totally forgot it was Christmas all together.  I remember my b/f leaving house Christmas Day and I was like "Where are you going?"...UM to the DINNER YOU PLANNED.

      ​I remember being unphased by how I was affecting anyone and most importantly myself.  I have a chance this year to make it to events.

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  • Posted

    Missy, that's amazing smile I'm so happy for you . If you have a free moment could you explain abit more about HALT ? When I have completely stopped before I have suffered with extreme tiredness in the afternoons particuraly. I can be having coffee with someone out and feel as though nothing will keep me awake, or when driving I become concerned . All the other emotions can be so hard to cope with and a constant battle I realise but I know thats once a few weeks has gone things will look brighter I hope.

    Well done to you and keep going smile xx 

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    • Posted

      Hi Rainbow smile

      ​When I was in a rehab facility they told me when I was feeling disturbed..to H.A.L.T...(before taking a drink) and to look at each category and see if there was something going on with me.

      H = Hungry (was I hungry? If so...eat something asap)

      ​A = being angry leads many to a drink. Was I angry?

      ​L = Lonliness is another scary thing that leads people to drink.

      ​T = Being tired.  Hmm...when I was tired...I didn't want to feel tired and always thought well maybe a drink will make me feel better.

      ​So now that i am not drinking...I try to keep all of these symptoms at bay...and I DO notice when I have a strong urge to drink...one of those things or all or 2 or 3 of those things are going on. 

      The basic idea is take care of ourselves the best we can...and when we feel the urge to drink...HALT and take a look at these areas.  Hope that helps.

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  • Posted

    Thank you Missy 

    That is very helpful smile I can identify with all of those things . Hunger is definitely a point in the right direction. I wouldnt say I'm angry, more frustrated but I would say they run together. Being lonely is the highest for me but I'm working hard to overcome that and tiredness is one too .....

    Yes, that really makes alot of sense. Another one for me is to use drink like a painkiller for my back pain. I have alot to work on and am very positive for 2016. 

    Thanks again and take care xx

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    • Posted

      when I'm lonely....I step out of the house...(if my depression allows me to) and head to the nearest store...and chat up everyone I see...LOL...

      ​Like a person with a little kid (I say..oh how cute)....the cash resgister people...always starting conversations with them...etc.   Or go to the hairdresser and have a nice long conversation with her smile.  At the end thou..I'm still coming home to the house where I feel lonely.  Loneliness I think is the toughest one.  And also I think the holidays make it worse if your a person that doesn't have alot of family or activities that keep us busy.

      ​Typing on here sometimes makes me feel MORE lonely because I'm basically talking to myself until someone answers...LOL. 

      ​Keep your chin up...lonley or frustrusted...you deserve to be healthy and happier.

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    • Posted

      Hi, Missy, you're not alone, there's lots of us here enjoying keeping in touch with you and willing you to keep going. I get the lonely thing. When I was starting to get the booze under control I avoided difficult places so I stopped going to the pub etc. Then I got that I could actually go out and not drink or not drink so much. But the place I couldn't avoid was home, so that's where I mostly drink and that's not good cos I'm alone a lot at home. So the drink still has the comforting/rewarding role.
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    • Posted

      thats the problem...it starts off rewarding....what is better than sitting in a home you have paid for 13 years...and its comfortable..and no one can see you...and getting that warm relaxing feeling from the first drink?  I used to love that escape...but it turned into a burning h*ll for me.

      ​I can't do it...now I am enjoying a hot cup of good ole fashioned TEA...and feeling much better about myself....Thank you h1954....Happy Holiday!

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    • Posted

      I am so happy for you....I have been clean of alcohol for 13 yrs...it is amazing....you will get there....any slips, just pick yourself up..and carry on....no recrimination or upset....( .I had very very many. )....now I like myself again....bravo...enjoy Xmas..

      .it is only three days after all....we mostly ignore it now ...our four children are adults...and there is so much poverty in the world....sorry I digress...well one once again lovey, I have followed all of your posts....happy Xmas lovely xxx x

      PAUL J TURNER.....HAPPY XMAS LOVELY, LOVELY YOUNG MAN...HUGS.... Deirdre....aka. Dee...xxx xxx

      Happy Xmas to all on this forum....love and respect to all....Dee xx xxx

      Xxxxx

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    • Posted

      Congratulations on 13 years!  I would have about 12 now if I never started 2 years ago.  I feel really good this time....I don't think I will ever do that to myself again.  Like I said I have LIVED so much in the last 2 weeks (sober).

      I was driving down my road yesterday....and it was a football day in my state...our team was playing..and when our team plays...the liquor stores are crowded and so is the bakery and markets...people buying rolls for their sandwiches...chicken wings, etc.

      I was pulling down the streed and a man was standing outside chugging down a beer with friends...its looked so GOOD, SO FUN...and I had to stop my BRAIN and SAY..No not for me...Not for me...its anything BUT FUN.

      ​Merry Christmas to you as well!

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    • Posted

      Dear missy. You did brilliantly 12 yrs....you haven't lost that ..what an achievement lovey.xxx. I was the same as you about others having a fun drink . But it isn't really. Not for us....you will do it again...especially while you feel so well...you get your personality back.. and that spurs you on..I was close to dying a few times...but I wasn't living anyway...as you already know..it does get easier over time....every hour drink free...is an achievement, every slip is temporary..we are worth it ...every single one of your drink free days means proper sleep and eating !! Food...have a wonderful Xmas ...huge...huge...huge hugs to you young lady....happy Xmas...and an alcohol free new year....Deirdre xxxxxxxxxxxx
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