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I drink upwards of 200 units a week - not always, but certainly over the past 12 months. I have been drinking excessively for the past 20 years or so. I'm now in my late 30's. COVID lockdown (I struggle being told what to do at the best of times), the death of someone closer to me than I can describe and my wife miscarrying twice in the space of 12 months have exacerbated this problem. I'm under no illusions now (not have I ever been at any point getting here) that I have a real alcohol problem.
I'm well educated (1st class BA from a top uni and numerous post-grad quals). I have a stressful job with responsibility for many people. I'm very well compensated for that stress - top 1% of earners in the UK. My earnings will continue to increase - I'm on track for promotion again this year (none of this is any kind of self-aggrandisement, I just want to paint the picture). If I retire earning less than £500k a year, I would be surprised. Again, please don't mistake the talk of money as me playing the big I am. I grew up on the worst council estate in my city. My family was dirt poor. My dad's family all career criminals. Thankfully I was raised my my mum and her family. Very respectable, but poor.
I exercise daily. I'm physically fit (touch overweight) and strong.
I am a loving husband and father to 2, and I'm good at it. I dote on my family and spend a lot of time with them and both my own family and extended inlaws.
People are naturally attracted to me as a person (I'm nothing very special to look at), but attention naturally focuses on me, which is odd because I tend to avoid people / social situations - I prefer to stay at home. I'm a natural empath - I put people at ease very quickly. I have 2 friends (like brothers really) that I've known all my life - everyone else is an acquaintance.
I'm extremely observant - I don't miss a thing. My mind is constantly active. A lot of what I see (of people, events etc.) doesn't please me if I'm honest. I have a natural propensity towards learning and really trying to "understand" how people, societies, history and relationships work. I find emotional lack of intelligence hard to understand - it comes back to being truly empathetic. I genuinely like to help people where I see them suffering.
However, I have an alcohol problem. I know I'm high-functioning. It fills me with guilt on so many levels. I need to stop.
Anyone willing to give their honest appraisal and/or advice? I would really value it.
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