26 yrs old and a rectocele repair yesterday
Posted , 9 users are following.
Hi, its a crazy feeling to be posting on here as this forum has been a source of inspiration and info for me for over 2 years as i tried to make a the most informed decision possible on what type of surgery to do if any.
Im a mom of 2. Having my first baby at age 20 and noticing a urethral prolapse (though i didnt know what it was) during pregnancy.. followed by a mild rectocele that required splinting for BM for the first year postpartum. I had a episiotomy that i believe failed, as my vaginal haitus (opening) seemed to get longer with time as if going down the stitched path.
Then i sort of took a haitus from looking at my lady bits for a few years as it was just causing me grief not knowing what was wrong with me, that and i had a toddler to chase around.
At 24 i became pregnant with my second baby, who ended up being in the 100th percentile for head circumference and 98%tile for weight (9lbs 2oz). This did a number on me. Suddenly i was experiencing extreme vaginal flatulence, needing to digitally compress from inside my vagina to have BMs and no grip what so ever during sex.
I did some research and came to the conclusion i had a cystocele and rectocele and saught out a surgeon in my area. He confirmed that i had a grade one cystocele, grade 3 urethracele and grade 2 rectocele. He was a one trick pony though and only did surgery involving removing the uterus and suspending everything with mesh. I had no interest in mesh or uterus removal but he said i was too young for insurance to ever allow this surgery anyway.
That stigma followed as every medical professional i spoke with made me feel as if i was the youngest woman alive to have these problems. I cant tell you how horrible that feels.
I saw a pelvic floor physical therapist for a year. I learned a lot from her and things improved a lot. I was always thin, but gained 60 lbs during pregnancy and she helped me to lose the weight but gain back lean muscle. She helped me to resolve my constipation (normal for me was a BM every 2 weeks) and to squat while using the bathroom which completely ended my need to manually express.
But one thing she was unable to do was whip my "loosey goosey" pelvic floor muscles back into shape. Despite all our work we couldnt get them back to midline. The electrical muscle stimuation didnt work because the wand was too small and couldnt press against my far stretched muscles.
So this led to me to seeking out surgery from a gyno at the obgyn office i saw a midwife at for my 2nd baby. I wasnt really able to be honest about my reasons for seeking surgery as he quickly shut me down when i started to speak about sex in reference to my muscle laxness. Its such a shame that society treats women as objects of lust that are not to derive any pleasure from such a natural act!
I had surgery yesterday and was released 6 hours later. I wasnt feeling up to it at all because the anesthesia made me really sick but my little one still breastfeeds and was having a meltdown with me being gone for the first time ever.
The surgery itself went well, except afterwards i asked my surgeon if my muscles were moved back to a normal positioning and he said he "didnt touch my muscles". I was told several times the fascia rectovaginal fascia would be sitched, excess vaginal skin would be removed and the perinium would be "built up". Yet my PT was always trying to make me do pelvoc floor exercised so the surgeon would be "stitching together two pieces of paper". I told my surgeon that he only said it wouldnt be a problem. Sigh. Only time will tell how things go, i guess.
Sorry for such a long post.. i have spend the past 2 years reading these forums and using it, along with info from medical journals, to come to the decision to go ahead with surgery. So i want to thank all of you. I am happy i finally went along with it
I dont have any friends or family to talk to about this so i hope that some of you can continue to be a guide for me.
Have a great weekend!
JEN
2 likes, 30 replies
malecai48 Guest
Posted
Sorry for this super long reply - I kind of went off because I could’ve written your post and it made me tear up and also angry when you said they gave you attitude about the no sensation for you during sex being a huge deal and a major motivator for wanting surgery...
This has been my experience also - and what is that anyways- what year is this!? I totally feel you- my problems are the same as yours - except I’m 42 (had my kids at 34 and 39) but I’m having my second surgery for anterior and posterior repair - on nov 29th. I believe when they stitch your muscles back together it is called a levatorplasty - and I have been worried my surgeon won’t do that as well. Levatorplasty used to be done routinely with posterior repair I think but sometimes it would make sex painful afterwards for some women so I think they do it less often now; definitely not routinely and they often choose a site specific approach. My first a and p repair was done by my obgyn ( when my 2nd - who also had a huge head and carried him low the entire pregnancy and he flew out in less than 5 hours entire labor and gave me 2nd degree tear) and she did the whole anterior side but only site specific repairs on the posterior side - that repair lasted less than a year. She did in all fairness advise me to wait for the urogyne - but I wanted to be fixed now!! Anyway - The Urogynecologist is doing this next one and I asked him for the muscles to be stitched back and said that I’ve always felt the problem to be that my muscles didn’t meet anymore (because at physio my muscles were strong but would only close so far like not meet) and like u I also have a longer opening due to losing a stitch while still in the hospital when baby #2 was born. I also have no “shelf” or supportive area/perenium it’s just my long vagina - like a bit of thin skin not even a decent amount of space between and the skin is over - Nothing (it feels like) just a space with nothing underneath and then my bum h is right there. So obviously having lived in our bodies our whole lives, we are gonna know immediately when it’s different and I’m not talking a bit stretched or anything I’m talking not even the same functioning anatomy! But I didn’t know the way to describe it without getting strange looks and it took 3 years to finally get to this point. I had an episiotomy with my first who is 8 now - his labor was 18 hrs and required forceps also to get him out - so I didn’t and don’t expect to be a virgin obviously but I still had a normal vagina after that like a working one still had perenium intact etc but after the second (he’ll be 3 this Xmas) it’s been like 3 years of p*****g myself, no sex, (first there was some awful mortifying depressing sex but I quickly put an end to that) and tampons falling out - also - feeling like I have the parts of one who is 85 not 40-42 and not even feeling like a woman at all - I’m a single mom my boys’ Dad and I split for good after our second was born and suffice it to say my life has been on hold - like maybe if I had a supportive husband beside me that had to just deal with it cuz having our precious munchkins is the reason I’m broken (lol) I wouldn’t feel quite as awful but actually yes I would cuz sex sucked FOR ME after my second! For both involved - so future dating -!?? Ya right forget it - even having a friend with benefits has been OFF the MENU for 3 (lonely ) years - but apparently woman- needs and all that is not A Thing - at least not in the medical community. I have a hard time believing that people would stand for this if it was well known - but it’s NOT. Indeed I didn’t even know your vagina Could get damaged from having a vaginal birth never mind 2 or 3 I thought that was just something gross that piggish guys joked about -Like Now finally there’s all this pelvic floor proactive stuff on the Internet and in women’s mags etc but that that literally started right after I had my second kid - before that there was nothing! Anyways - I didn’t even realize just what a bad depression I was in this past year because I was happy with my kids like we did usual activities had fun etc i am happy with them - I just kind of gave up on my self care, hardly showered more than 2x a week (SAHM) no makeup - no personal identity at all other than full time mom. I finally got some life breathed back into me (the other me - not just “Mom”) when there was a cancellation and I got a surgery date for end of this month about a month ago. (I was supposed to have to wait until May 2018). I too made the - mistake!!?? Of telling the truth about the sex part being my most important reason (although I didn’t word it like that - I actually poured my heart out 100% honestly to the resident helping my urogyne and she nodded and looked sympathetic) - boy I felt stupid for doing that - they treated me like I was some lazy princess who was trying to get a free vaginal rejuvenation and physio isn’t covered here but I was only given that as an option that’s what was prescribed treatment for my recurrent prolapse which he took my word for it that I even had one /didn’t examine me at all- even though I knew my first repair had failed - so I went to the physio and paid for 2 sessions myself even though we are on a very low fixed income while I’m in school - because I wanted proof and answers from someone that could report back to the urogyne that actually checked inside my body! The urogyne didn’t examine me until after I came back with report from the physio saying yes I had another rectocele and cystocele. He knew I wanted surgery Cuz I said that before I went to physio but first he tried to sell me on pessaries - like he had a whole Schtick rehearsed and a Display pessary hanging around his neck!! When I said I didn’t need to think on it at all - I definitely di not want a pessary I wanted surgery- he was all frowns and put out- looking and actually said “OK so… Do you want me to take a look then?” (Super reluctant and I swear on my life it happened just like this which made me feel crazy)It’s like they were hoping I couldn’t pay for physio and I’d just go away. Seriously that screwed with my head being treated like that - because as if sex and not peeing your pants aren’t important for quality of life! It’s very weird that they get all snippy and disapproving when sex is the major upsetting factor - it’s like 1950’s sending pregnant girls to a convent or back alley abortions type of stuff. Anyways sorry I’m ranting. I still (because of this) sort of chickened out at my pre surgery consult on oct 26th on asking the doc Directly if he could please or would he specifically be doing a levatorplasty with my a and p repairs (he too said he’d build up my perenium - but he could be talking about the scar tissue from the posterior stitch alone) and he did say that there would be “some tightening” with a big generous smile on his face like he was gonna give me some lucky break - but after reading your post I’m even more determined to clear this up - I can’t believe I didn’t stand my ground at that last appointment as that was supposed to be the only chance before my surgery to talk about this - I mean he himself said jokingly that he was “gonna make me sign something “ (with respect to the fact that it’s been 2 years only since my first surgery from my obgyn - like that is somehow my fault and I’m being spoiled and fussy so I have to sign away my rights to complaining about the outcome) and I told him “look at it this way if I don’t have this surgery then you may as well just sew it right up (my vagina) as I’m not using it haven’t been able to and won’t ever be using it the way it is now”. He thought that was chuckle-worthy but I was dead serious - so if I could say that to him why I couldn’t ask about the levatorplasty is something that irritates me beyond belief and I was so mad at myself like I blew my one shot. After all - if he wants me to sign off then I want it put in the contract what my wishes are Cuz I personally KNOW (Cuz I too have researched this 24/7 for last 3 years) that if he doesn’t stitch the muscles back I’ll prolapse again. Other doctors that I have asked on other forums (ok - RealSelf- But seriously they’re the only ones that will tell you the truth and they know that I’m not inquiring about getting plastic surgery but that regular doctors and surgeons won’t answer our questions about this stuff! Seriously Real Self has been a big help in this research and the doctors answer you and it’s free!). Obviously there’s no contract being signed literally but as I had to fight so hard to get this second surgery and they act like they are supposed to turn away as many women as they can - then you would think they would want the repairs to last. They can always blame it on the patient (they were lifting too much too soon etc) I guess I know I feel like I’m crazy sometimes in this line of thinking that there’s some anti- sex-life for women conspiracy going on at my urogyne’s office but it shows how much it affects your whole being - this problem. I really hope your repairs heal well and you get the result you wanted - but let me just say that you’re NOT crazy for feeling like they just didn’t listen to you or care about the laxness/ loose muscles thing - the exact same thing happened to me- and you made me realize that I had better not take the wait and see approach on the 29th and leave it to chance like I did last time (because I had mentioned this to my OB/GYN before surgery in 2015 - to but I didn’t know it was a separate thing they don’t always do- the muscle stitching) I am going to talk to my surgeon before my surgery I was planning on doing it when he comes to see me for like a minute right before I get prepped - It’s just been too hard and painful a road to get to this point - like the day they called me with a date for surgery I felt like I had won the lotto that’s how much instant hope I had - and for my stupid manners or shyness of not wanting to tell a doctor how to do his job - (or whatever it is) that’s making me too scared to waste this possibly last chance - well that’s just BS ..I want to thank you for your post because you’re giving me courage to speak up and I also wanna say that the very fact you are so young - that is a great thing - I know it’s depressing to get pamphlets with women your grandmothers age on them describing pessaries etc you feel alone and like you’re old before your time or defective and broken - but at least now you KNOW about your body and you have time and the collagen/elastin to heal properly from these surgeries better than us older women I’m sure - (sorry everybody but she’s prob got super fast healing what would I give for my 28 year old body’s bounce back abilities) and if you are not happy with your repair don’t just accept it and wait until it gets worse or just live with it. I really hope you don’t need another surgery but If you think they didn’t do the first one right don’t feel that you have to suffer for certain amount of years before getting it done the way you wanted it in the first place. We know our bodies - good luck I’ll keep reading this thread please update us how you make out!! Take care - (also) Jen
Redhead1960 malecai48
Posted
Gosh Malecai you have been through so much. It is staggering how much prejudice and misinformation is out there towards women. I hope you find a sympathetic surgeon as I did eventually who will provide you with the necessary and appropriate options. I try not to dwell on some of the frankly humiliating conversations I had with the first doctor I saw who dismissed my concerns, never examined me. I started to feel my life was over. Fortunately I had friends who recognised that I was spiralling into despair and they gave me the confidence to seek help elsewhere. I self referred to a private gynaecologist who I had seen 2 years earlier for endometrial ablation. She examined me, diagnosed the condition and advised physiotherapy, local oestrogen therapy to see if this improved things to an extent that I felt I could live with it. She addressed the issues of sexual intimacy directly without prompting and set my expectations as to what improvement might be possible and to give it 3 months before thinking about any other sort of intervention. It was such a relief to be supported, diagnosed, talked through options and meet a medical professional who cut straight to the chase on what sex had been like, what kind of orgasms I had been able to have, what I could have since the problem of the prolapse, and what could be done to improve things going forward. I did my physio sessions, invested in all kinds of apps and kit to get those muscles working, took Vagifem as prescribed. Whilst there was some improvement it was not enough but nothing lasting as the stretched skin from the prolapses is not going to magically spring back especially as I was now peri menopausal and ongoing constipation and fluid retention from not being able to empty my bladder fully worked against everything. Knowing I had done my utmost, I went back to my local doctors surgery, saw a different GP and explained I had given it time to, done everything that had been suggested, could not live with the life that I was left with......... Unable to enjoy any exercise, having to rest after doing anything standing or sitting, lying with my fit up in the air to try and improve the prolapse, no sex and ultimately left a job I loved as I could not bear to be risking shitting or peeing myself in an office full of people and could not sit at a desk anymore for long days or drive around the country as also required for my job. I knew my gynaecologist did not do the surgery which I now wished to consider. The GP was brilliant, sympathetic and gave me the name of 2 urogynaecologists to consider and also spoke to me about a ring pessary as a temporary or permanent option..... The exact opposite of what the first GP had suggested. Anyway, I saw one of the urogynaecologists. As I had frequently cried during consultations (not the usual me), I wrote to him my journey so far, the things I had tried, the impact on my life, my expectations and hopes regarding other options. It really helped as I didn't have to repeat it and end up crying again! he recognised I had tried everything, except the ring pessary, recognised the first doctor had been ill informed and was well motivated to improve etc. We did try a ring pessary briefly, it helped but I did decide to have surgery. He was very supportive of women living their life and being able to get control of normal bodily functions and whilst it was embarrassing, I did ask him about sex too. We talked about the risks etc and what may happen or not. It is too early for me to know whether everything has worked as I am only 5 weeks post op. But I can poo and pee normally, it looks normal down there....... No prolapses peeking through, some nice sensations are kicking in so I am hopeful in time I will have intercourse again and enjoy it. I do hope you find a urogynaecologist who you can trust and you can rely on to treat you properly then you can in time forget as I am trying to do the lost time and impact of the previous poor support.
Guest malecai48
Posted
Im having trouble replying in the comments. It wont let me write more than a paragraph before things start goofing up, so I sent you a private message. Hope youre having a good day Jen 💓
Jamiee Guest
Posted
I'm so proud of your strength. I'm 43 and by research I figured out I have rectocele. it'd been ruining my social life and personal life. flatulence is a life wreaking experience. it's constant and just gets worse. I'm thinking of doing surgery. haven't seen doc yet but making appt now
bridget56930 Guest
Posted
hello i am 28 and needing this operation. your right its so hard so young! how are you now? did everything work out in the end. can i ask if you had the op on nhs and was it hard to get them to refer you? im desprate i have rectocele and my cervix is also very low probally 5cm in on a good day. i have one child