2nd appointment for assessment

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Just spent ages typing stuff think I put a swear word in it so got moderated. So here goes again. Not long home after my 2nd appointment with the personality disorder service which lasted 2 1/2 hours questions about my childhood and teenage years bought up a lot of distressing stuff. a challenging drive home of 1 1/2 hours in the dark and snow which I enjoyed got a kick out off. Read the questions I've been given to be completed for my next appointment tuesday. bought up a load more stuff, got up set. on the wine and want to self harm to make me feel better. Can't ring NHS24 to talk to MHT as annoyed them last week and ended up wit hthe police at the house. My cpn is off sick so can't talk to her tomorrow. Do I jsut complete it with the truth to assist in getting the correct diagnsis and face it? sad I think that is how I worded the last one just. 

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Yes Tina - there's no point in putting yourself through all this unless you're prepared to be completely honest. You won't get the help you need if you don't have a correct diagnosis. In addition, if your mental health team suspect you're not taking this seriously they may refuse to continue working with you.

    I can understand how painful it must have been to have to revisit your childhood and adolescence, but do you perhaps feel that it was your inability to confront all this that led to your problems in the first place?

    You're being offered another chance to move on to the happier life you deserve. Please take it. You've suffered enough already.

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    • Posted

      Thanks lily I know that telling the truth is the right way to go. I;ve been working with the MHT since last February, I have come a long way so I won't give up now, or like to think I won't, even though suicidal thoughts are there most of the time.

      It was following the death of my husband which has bought all this to the forefront. As I couldn't see any point in being here and they think that being married hid a pesonality disorder that's why the assessment. So I will face up to it..........

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    • Posted

      I can sympathise with that. I know how a death can stir up all kinds of things from the mud at the bottom of our minds.

      In the run-up to my mother's death and the immediate aftermath, I suddenly found all sorts of terrible childhood memories and emotions coming to the surface. This took me by surprise as I was 62 at the time, and hadn't been at all traumatised by the death of my father 20 years earlier. I don't have any history of self-harm but two days after her death I came to my senses to find myself banging my head really hard against the wall - which was coincidentally one of my mother's preferred methods of self-harm.

      I got myself out of it by calling the Samaritans and shouting, screaming and crying for nearly an hour that night. There's an unknown woman somewhere in the Home Counties who knows things about my childhood I've never told to another soul, and never will again!

      Try and be kind to yourself and accept the help you're offered.

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  • Posted

    Hi Tina, I was diagnosed borderline personality disorder 4 years ago. It's a long hard road. I've just completed a 18 month intensive course of dialectical therapy, learning skills to deal with emotions and my extreme responses! I almost hate to admit that it has really helped. Certainly the skills with Meds have left me much more able to cope but what made it desperately difficult was learning for myself how and why I have reacted to stuff during my life. That was, at times really down at the bottom of low. But the understanding I have that who I am now is not my fault is good.

    i have had heavy conversations with family about what happened when I was a kid, how and why I turned out why I did.

    through all this I have support 4 times a week, I've now worked down to CPN once a week with phone support and gp if I need it.

    i think it's the support during the hard times which is simply necessary!

    going down the path that you're on you have to make sure you have people around for you, even if it just professionals. Use them, tell them how hard it is, phone your mental health team and persuade them you cannot do this without a CPN and say that it's urgent that you get onto someone else's list while yours is sick.

    use this forum as much as you want. We're all here for you, to support each other and share our experiences with each other. 

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    • Posted

      Oh Kate thank you so much just spent the last 2 hours talking to my sister so nearly half of all the stuff that happended she didn't realy know about as she was a lot older than me. She had left home. In a way i'm hoping they come uup with something so I can start dealing wit hthis s!!! then I can cope with stuff and not keep thinking of self destruct. It is quite frightening how these things come back, I:m 55 years old and everything was reasonabley fine while I was married, got married at 18 since his death everything has gone completely to pot. I can't see any point in living anymore as my life has finished, I just hate myself and what i have become. Not sure if I am writing sense anymore as I have been on the wine to kill everything and hopefully sleep tonight after a traumatic day.
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    • Posted

      Well I have survived my day at work on Friday with a hangover. Had my review with my line manger been advised to be aware how I talk to other members of staff as could cause confrontations, I asked had anyone complained he said no not yet but obviously he sees it from his side. If I do not want to be sociable I tend to say morning and not speak to anyone for the day. Got to deal more with the public too I have been avoiding that so far since i went back been back just over a month full time now. Anyway today i have been preparing details for the questionaires for Tuesday got upset, angry felt trapped in the house due to tthe snow couldn't go out for a safe drive. ended up going for a walk. Finished up on a rickety on bridge over a small stream. Laid down in the snow, listening to the babbling water, snow falling which seems so silent. Took some diazepam and wanted to go to sleep. i laid there for over an hour it was so peaceful I could of quite happily died there and then, but obviously as I'm writing this I'm still here. Warmed up again now. Not sure what I'm writing really as I feel as if I'm not  here.

      thank you all for your support..

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    • Posted

      Well Tina, you are here, aren't you? And reading between the lines, you've obviously handled the day very well. Why not give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for once?cool
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    • Posted

      Thanks Lily

      I just find all this talking,mental strain too much at times, I've just got noone to share it with except the lovely people on here and obviously the professionals and quite often want ot give up as I just can't see the point anymore but as you all know we just keep on going and going and going but things are building up again. Maybe it is the time of year or as it is almost this time last year I attempted to drown myself. cry

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