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30yr old desperate, lonely and suicidal

Posted , 21 users are following.

rachh
rachh

im at my breaking point! im 30 and i have nothing! i really mean nothing! i live with my mum and stepdad i dont work, i dont leave the house hardly at all, the only thing i do is watch tv show after tv show so i can escape into a better life but the minute i stop watching something i start feeling down, i go days not talking out loud, my mum barely talks to me shes too wrapped up in her own world, i have a sister who doesnt have the time or patience for me and i dont have any friends.

im incapable of having any kind of relationship with anyone so really when you think about it i really do need to just give up! im so unhappy, im so alone its unreal and i dont want to go on anymore like this and i know i wont get any better as i have tried everything the doctor has thrown at me i completed CBT which is the only free service available so i have been discharged for the like 100th time.. i cant go on anymore and yet im pathetic and dont have the guts to do anything. 

i think of what i could do to kill myself and it sounds awful and painful i just hope i get to the point where i am so desperate i just do it without thinking! 

i have been looking around on the internet for hours cos i just cant explain how lonley i feel right now and the internet offers nothing! it makes me feel worse because mental health is just subjected around Young people now and im not young anymore i have suffered my whole life it just gets worse! i try not to self harm cos that makes me feel worse ! its such a kid thing to do apparently! no one will probably even finish reading this cos why would they! im not looking for an answer as  there really is just one and that would be to end all ! 

if i go and stand at the edge of somewhere will anyone come and push me off the edge? think thats what i need.. i need someone to push me so i dont have to jump! 

im so desperate i dont know what to do!!!!

Sorryy

4 likes, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • mark01943
    mark01943 rachh

    Posted

    How you doing today rachh?
    • rachh
      rachh mark01943

      Posted

      i dont feel any different to be honest but im still here..

      how you doing? 

  • mark01943
    mark01943 rachh

    Posted

    I am ok, but don't worry bout that! It's YOU that matters!

    It can all seem so hopeless, and there is no end to being like this, I totally understand, trust me, but it can get better, it really can

    • rachh
      rachh mark01943

      Posted

      but if there is no end.. which i agree there is not.. then what is the point? xxxx
    • mark01943
      mark01943 rachh

      Posted

      It can SEEM there is no end to it, and that's the way it appears, but trust me it can get better.

      Honestly, I am not full of bull, I have been in some dark, dark places, so I know what it feels like, and people can say " oh you be fine" but it's not that easy, if it was as easy as flicking a switch and being ok, we would do it, we don't want to be like this.

      But it can be ok. If you have bad days, don't be hard on yourself about it. I have some really bad thoughts, and you can beat yourself up about it, don't, your not going nuts, I know I'm not bonkers.......well some people may think so! You only have to look on here to see you are far from being alone in being like this, now that might nit appear to be much help, but we do understand.

      I am not one fir self help books, frankly I can't be added with them and just don't believe in them, but, I have read one that REALLY hut a cord with me.

      The Chimp Paradox, by Dr Steven Peters.

      Give it a go, my guess it will help

  • daniel59977
    daniel59977 rachh

    Posted

    You just gotta hold on buddy I had depression for 8 years and now feeling fine just some anxiety issues. There's some great mental health help out there it's just finding it mate, it's just a shame it takes so much to get the help needed 
  • Vickycam
    Vickycam rachh

    Posted

    We are all pulling for you.  Please know that others have been in the same dark places you are in and have pulled themselves with medical help and counseling into the sunlight. 
  • Swelve
    Swelve rachh

    Posted

    Hey, I hope you're doing ok.  I feel pretty much the way you feel.  I'm from the US and sadly there is no such thing as community health centers here.  I'm 31 yrs old and like you, I don't have anyone in my life.  I am divorced with no children and was forced to move back home with my parents afterwards.  I don not have a job because sadly there are none in the very small town that I live in, and no way to meet anyone unless I drive about 100 miles, which obviously since I don't have a job I can't afford to do.  I've always been a depressed person and a loner all of my life.  I really wish people would just stop telling me that it gets better or to snap out of it or to move on, but theres nothing to move on from or anything to snap out of, and also for my entire life, nothing gets better, if anything it gets worse.  Like you I'm very desperate and I don't know what to do.  Most days I wish it would all end one way or another.  I'm really tired of being stuck in this rut known as my life and I need a way out.  I see that it's been about a year since you posted this and I would appreciate any insights you might have.  For those of you reading this telling me to seek professional help, I would love to but it's very expensive without insurance (which I can't afford) and I don't have anything to my name.
  • bill95615
    bill95615 rachh

    Posted

    Rachh, I have been and right now still am in a very similar situation like yours, and honestly,I got to tell you friend,it is very dark, and very lonely in this life,but...it doesn't have to remain that way....I purpose a solution to gain better control of this feeling of hopelessness that has you feeling so entrenched. Try making somthing great happen or helps lending hand for any other living being or creature..other than yourself..as you do this..it will define in you a better since of self worth and confidence....I myself so this..it helps to alleviate. What's negative....please give it honest thought,Enlightend journeys friend- Bill

  • michi79405
    michi79405 rachh

    Posted

    Ahhh rach right now i am feeling so similarly to you when you wrote this. How are you doing now?
  • jonlucas
    jonlucas rachh

    Posted

    Rachh,

    I'm 21. I cannot speak to anyone. I live the n a home for people with mental health issues because of my depression and anxiety. My parents still paying for everything. I am paranoid every time I'm by myself and I'm m always by myself. I try to watch tv because it's the only thing I have the courage to do now. It's so lonely that I think the only thing I should do is commit suicide but that hurt my family for the rest of there lives. It's the most surreal/unpleasant experience and it's horrible because it's my life. There's no way out of it-I just get so quiet and uncomfortable when I get around other people that I just get angry... and that anger stays with me. So your post actually related to me. I'm sorry you have to endure this experience I know what you are talking about

  • mcevoy1980
    mcevoy1980 rachh

    Posted

    Hi Rachh are you still around or suffering? Just come across your mail now, I am in excactly the identical position to you in every way believe me, I think we both need a friend? We both know how each other feels, fancy getting to know each other?
  • margaret_41605
    margaret_41605 rachh

    Posted

    Hello Rachh, I certainly read to the end, it made me cry, my son says exactly the same . I'm very unhappy that it's a very lonely existence, I wish I could change everything for you.

    Chris thinks life is already writen and wants no part. It breaks my heart,

    I hope you have found peace and that things have changed. Xx

  • ife11913
    ife11913 rachh

    Posted

    I am in the same situation right now and will end it all soon.
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