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33 years old with a 1 year old baby..... HELP

Posted , 11 users are following.

melinda80259
melinda80259

Hey everyone.... Hope all is blessed. I've just found out today that I need a hip replacement in the next 3 months. I have a 1 year old daughter and I'm so scared to how in going to manage as my partner goes to work. I'm thinking au pair or nanny. Please can someone give me more information regarding a hip replacement. Also if someone knows a nanny or home help. Please help. I Can't stop crying.

1 like, 36 replies

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  • amanda03012
    amanda03012 melinda80259

    Posted

    Hello, bless you sorry to hear that you are upset. I am 42 years old and 9 weeks post op. No children of my own but I am a nanny to 3 girls, 5 year old twins and a 2 year old. I returned to work after 7 weeks but was a struggle.

    I would highly recommend a nanny or mothers help as its a very physical job running after young ones. Please let me know how you get on.

    Which area are you from?

    Kind regards

    Amanda

    • melinda80259
      melinda80259 amanda03012

      Posted

      Hi Amanda. Thank you for your info. Honestly how was it for you? Pain? Recovery? Bathing? Climbing stairs ? Sleeping?..... I'm so scared. Full of anxiety. Full of questions. Congratulations to you for going back to work so soon. I'm from Croydon
    • amanda03012
      amanda03012 melinda80259

      Posted

      Hello, everyone is different with their recovery etc but it's good to have the support from here.

      Stairs I didn't find too difficult, bathing I managed to achieve after 5 weeks or so which was bliss but up until then it was showers once stitches removed. Walking was a challenged and even now my body reminds me when I have done too much. I can honestly say 9 weeks in I feel great and just feel stiff when I have been sitting for too long or been in bed. Sleep depravation was a problem for me but sleeping okay now. Rolling on to my operated side is still tender and feels slightly weird.

      When I first was told I had to have a hip replacement I was in a state of shock and tears, generally on a Friday I ended up crying from pain and tiredness as was exhausted but then straight after the op I was saying to myself what have I done as the pain was different and exhausting but I can say that I'm stating to feel great as so many people will tell you, time is a great healer. Be kind to yourself x

      I'm from guildford so not far from you.

      Don't get me wrong I'm still tired after work as long hours but I know it will get better.

  • rose0000
    rose0000 melinda80259

    Posted

    I know just what you are going through Melinda, and the shock it truly terrible. I am in a similar position be it just a few years older and two children just a little older than your darling baby.

    I am so sorry you are going through this as well. I am also at the stage of just trying to find out more about it after the bombshell that is being told you need a hip replacement at this age....and I am struggling to cope with the fear too. I have to say you are not alone, but the people on this forum have been a godsend. I was in a complete state when I found out and left a message. Look up 'terrified' but since so many messages have flooded in of support and advice and care. It has been an utter godsend. I started reading, stopped panicing, I even stopped crying (for a little while anyway) and then went straight back to denial, but then I couldn't even bath my children tonight and couldn't pick up a single toy, and then my daughter asked me when I was lying down in pain if I was going to die and I knew then that I have to have this operation for them, as well as for me.

    Everyone will rally around you to help you with the baby Melinda, it will be an honor I am sure for them to do what they can. A nanny would be a good idea to help your husband and you, and he can take some time off to help. Like me, you are most worried for your child, and how it will work....more than anything it is this that worries me. I am not so worried about the pain, I can deal with pain but it is the risk and the stress of how everyone will manage around us that is so concerning.

    Please stay in touch, we will get through this and we will play with our little ones without any pain one day soon ~ big hugs xxxxxxxxx

    • melinda80259
      melinda80259 rose0000

      Posted

      Thank you so much Rose for your kind words of comfort. When is your operation due? I was told I have to wait 3-4 months. Do you know when we can start carrying our babies again? I'm trying to find out are we going to be bed ridden and if so, for how long?
    • rose0000
      rose0000 melinda80259

      Posted

      I have been told to come back and book it in when I can't manage anymore, that he would do the operation when I got to stage I could not manage any longer, he told me to wait as long as possible. Which was the plan. Due to our 'younger' age they like to leave it as long as possible due to the volume of revisions needed in our life time (If I live as long as my grandmother it could be at least 10 possibly up to 12 hip replacements as I need both hips replaced) so I could see the sense in the advice of waiting as long as I can, but in reality it is not easy to do!! What drove me to this forum was the pain I am in now, and struggling so much to do every day things. I am so scared as well, and wanted to know what was going to happen. My mother has had both hips replaced so I do know what to expect. Do you have lots of pain relief Melinda? I am just wondering how your hip is now? Can you walk well and carry your baby? Are you managing okay now?

      I don't think we will be bed ridden for long maybe two weeks, with some shuffling around, but you can play, cuddle and feed your baby as soon as you are home, and to be honest your baby will not notice or care you are not able to walk as long as he/she is close and with you. The way I am trying to look at it, is that we need to do this to be better mothers, to be able to fully participate in their lives. We can't do that if we can't walk.

      I am finding out that stringing things out is not such a good move. I am going back to the hospital next week, and I am going to ask them to please press ahead. As every day I am getting a bit worse, and the pain is really beginning to get to me. I would rather be going through the pain that ends with a recovery rather than this downward (painful) spiral.

      I read your message about your parents, I am so sorry you have so little support in this way, it must be very difficult for you, but you do have your husband, your friends, your neighbours, your mother in law whom I am sure will be much kinder given the situation, and the possibility of a nanny. I think mothers helps are less money, or possibly an au pair who can come in and help you around the clock. Use the three months to plan the best team possible for you and your baby. This is not just your problem, this is everyone's, and it must be shared and owned by all around you. I really feel for you, I can not tell you how much I wish this was not happening to me either, but we are young, we have our whole lives ahead and we need two (functioning!) legs to enjoy that life!! :biggrin Sending you much love 

  • hilary02336
    hilary02336 melinda80259

    Posted

    Hi

    i was in plaster withan 18month old and 3 year old back in the 1970s. My mum came to stay for a while but I applied to the council and got a 

    home help who came and cleaned and got a few meals.  Have you got friends and family that could help on a rota basis? People are very good if they know you need help.

    talk to your doctor about this problem as I am sure they will have suggestions.  Don't get worked up about it as you will make yourself worse .

    good luck 

    hilary

  • Lama22
    Lama22 melinda80259

    Posted

    Hi Melinda

    I am truly sorry to hear you are in this position. I am 62 so pretty 'normal' for my age.

    I think if you are in a position to hire a nanny, you should. Certainly the first couple of weeks are hard in that you are recovering from major surgery. You are young though, so that is on your side. Walking with sticks, two to start then to one, will make it hard to meet the everyday demands of a baby. A nanny will take the pressure off and you can have lots of cuddles.

    It's a recovery process, and presumably you are in pain now or you wouldn't be needing it. Do you mind saying why you have to have one? I have osteoarthritis.

    Please use this site for support, I have been so well supported since the first week and I'm now in week 8.

    Take care, dry your eyes and start planning!

    Barbara x

    • melinda80259
      melinda80259 Lama22

      Posted

      Awwww Barbara.... I wish you a speedy recovery. Yes my op is due to osteoarthritis as well. Far from pleasant. How's the 8 weeks been for you, honestly?
    • Lama22
      Lama22 melinda80259

      Posted

      Honestly? That's hard, but will try.

      I work so I had to organise time off. That deflected from me thinking about the actual op.

      I was taken aback by how little I could do in the early days. I took plenty of painkillers, sort of accepted this was just how it was. My partner took a week off work, his choice not mine. Seems he knew more than me!

      I tired very easily. Acceptance and listening to your body is the way to be. I was told to sleep on my back, which wasn't a problem, pillow under knee helped.

      At 6 week check was told I could sleep on side, which has got easier. Went from 2 sticks to 1 stick within 2 weeks. Will you get Physio sessions? I had 6 sessions and she was really helpful.

      To be honest we are all different, and you will only really know how you will be affected once done.

      Before op, get ready meals or cook and freeze. Shop on line, I see you asked about pain and you have to take whatever you need to keep you going. The hospital will help with that, then over to GP. I now take paracetamol and ibuprofen, less regularly as time goes.

      I really feel for you being so young, but you sound a sensible mum and you must think about how much better you will be in the long term. Do get people to rally round, I'm sure you'd do the same for them.

      Do you have a date yet?

      With love

      Barbara x

  • amanda1827h
    amanda1827h melinda80259

    Posted

    Hi melinder,I agree with the other comment by Amanda! I would get a nanny to help you! You will need a lot of help! I am a carer for my disabled hubby and even now I am 8 weeks post op still having my right sock put on for me!! Good luck and keep busy and positive! You will get through! I did and I had extreme anxiety! Regards Amanda
    • melinda80259
      melinda80259 amanda1827h

      Posted

      Thanks Amanda..... I hope I can say the same. I suppose I can't do nothing more than to pray.
  • Rachel090415
    Rachel090415 melinda80259

    Posted

    Hi,

    I am 34, with a 2 year old and a 3 year old. I am 3 weeks post op. My husband had the first two weeks off, my mum has had the next two weeks off and my mother in law has the following 2 weeks off. I can't lie it's been an emotional roller-coaster because I have never been one for sitting down. I do everything with the girls and although everyone has been amazing, it has been so hard watching people do what you should be doing. Don't get dis-heartened, it does get better! If I think back 3 weeks ago, I was a mess and I have a huge pain threshold! Look at your baby, it's what makes you determined to make a full recovery, accept any help that is possible and make sure that they put your baby on your good leg for a cuddle whenever possible, it's a great healer. I am completely on my own after 6 weeks as everyone has exhausted their holiday and I am extremely nervous so if you can afford a nanny/ home help tthen I would recommend it. Good luck.xxx

    • melinda80259
      melinda80259 Rachel090415

      Posted

      How inspirational and amazing. It bought tears to my eyes when I read - watching people do what your supposed to do. Thinking of that just makes me cry. Nanny is very expensive. I think I may ask my closest to take leave to help me and my baby. Both my parents have died, no siblings and not the best relationship with my mother in law. I guess I have God on my side and with faith I will get through it. Having said that I'm still petrified. When did you start walking? When was you able to sleep on the side of the operation?
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