35, fissure hemms and scared

this will be long.... Hi, looking for support. I just turned 35 and am convinced I have colorectal cancer. I’ve had issues with constipation and stress around bowel movements as long as I can remember. I noticed my first hemorrhoid in my 20’s and would have occasional small amounts of blood, but then nothing for months or years until a flare up. I had a baby April 2017 and developed more significant hemorrhoids. Nothing of significance happened that first year once I was recovered from childbirth.

May of last year I had a couple weeks of more significant bright red blood after straining and that set this all off. I made a dr appointment a couple weeks after it started. They asked about hemmies, straining etc. They did a fecal occult test (the FIT test) which was negative and my bloodwork was normal.

2 months later I go for a yearly check with a new doctor (I decided it was time to grow up and get a regular PCP), I mention having RLS and a little fatigue. She decides to test my ferritin levels (iron stores) which I’ve never had tested before. It came back very low at 5.2 and my hemoglobin dropped below normal at 10.2. She told me to start children’s vitamins with iron (easier on stomach) and to increase iron intake.

A month later I message the dr that my hemms had flared again and bleeding. She prescribes a cream that sorta worked inititally. After a month or so I follow up that bleeding persists and we agree further evaluation is needed.

Two months on children’s vitamins my levels modestly improved. Switched to a blood builder and by early Dec my hemoglobin is 13.3 and ferritin slowly improving, no more RLS and feeling great, back to my old running times.

I see colorectal surgeon who does a (horribly embarrassing) exam and says I have proctitis, anal fissure, and multiple internal and external hemorrhoids. She said she saw a spot of blood higher up, but then says “oh wait, that may have been the scope that pushed blood up”, but either way with anemia they always want a colonoscopy. She also prescribed two weeks of a suppository for the proctitis and fiber supplement.

Regarding my symptoms, the bleeding definitely only happens related to pushing (I try not to, but sometimes it happens) and harder stool. Once it flares it might go on a couple days and then nothin until the next time I have to push a little. It had gotten so much better with the suppositories, but like this week I had to take allergy medicine which backed things up.

I don’t have any other symptoms. An occasional upset stomach but honestly probably less often than I did the previous years of my life when I wasn’t as conscious of diet and getting fiber. Never any stomach issues that interrupt my day. Weight been steady since I lost my baby weight. Stool is normal other than occasional blood steak on top and occasionally blood in water. Fully formed, not small.

It’s just the anemia that terrifies me. Let me add though that I got a copper iud and the past year (I just got it removed) my periods have been very very heavy (common for coppe iuds), tmi but ladies I’m talking some months I’d need a backup WITH a super plus to get through a few hours.

Still I’m convinced it’s cancer. I’ve never been anemic before. Never had this consistent bleeding before.i still have 6 weeks until the colonoscopy and I can barely focus on anything else. Even when I’m with my 22 month old 😭 I just think that I’m not going to see her grow up. I keep imagining waking up after it’s done and then tell me they found a large inoperable tumor. On top of that we were hoping to grow our family early this year.

I am going crazy right now! 😩😩

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